My friend, the way to deal with this problem is to attack it. Take fear out of your equation, because that is what has you stuck.

Put a spy program on your computer, crack her passwords for her email, and then get your evidence.

Then, in a very clear and nuclear way, expose the affair to the OM�s wife or girlfriend, the chiropractic association he belongs to, and his family.

Then expose it to yours.

She�s going to say you have violated her privacy. When she says that, respond with, �I haven�t violated any such thing. There�s a big difference between privacy and secrecy and what I�ve done is uncovered the truth.�

You have to kill this contact, as you already know, but the only way to do so is to intervene. It won�t die on its own.

Don�t be afraid of threats of divorce. If she truly wants to do so, she will. They are bluffs intended to make you back away.

The key to this is to attack the affair and exposure brings a lot of uncomfortable heat. My guess is that the chiropractor may back off quickly if you pay him a visit and ask him what his intentions with your wife are. He�s probably not willing to deal with the heat from that at all and he certainly won�t put his career at risk. Affairs with patients are dangerous things for doctors.

I would add one more thing to the exposure, gathering information, etc.

Turn the tables. She has you on your back foot right now thinking you have to win her back.

Change it up. Yes you love her, and the most loving thing you can do right now is make a strong, respectful statement that this is not going to be a one way relationship. She also has to win you back, as you have been betrayed.

Let her know in very clear terms that if she wants you as her husband, she has to win you back. This recent behavior has almost destroyed the love you have for her, and if she wants that romantic marriage, then she needs to win you back.

Heck, I'd go file for divorce today, it does two things, it puts you in charge of the time table, and it makes what you are saying serious.

If she wants the marriage, she will fight for it. If she's stringing you along until she chooses to file, this disrupts her timetable.

I'd file, and if possible, file on the grounds of infidelity on her part. Seek to have her removed from the marital home.

I don't agree on filing, and many here know that I'm the first to recommend pulling that trigger if things are bad enough.

What you have with your WW is a big talker. She bluffs about divorce to control you, but isn't serious about doing so.

This is an affair that has likely gone physical, but it may still be in the flirt stage OR it may be all in her head.

OM is only getting one side of this equation. You'd be surprised how many men out there back off in a big way when an unhappy husband shows up and demands he stop talking to his wife.

But you have to be careful in how you approach him in the sense that you don't want to feed into her likely lies that you're a control freak.

Call him up and calmly ask him what his intentions with your wife are and tell him that you're not comfortable with his contact with her.

I bet you do a lot to start killing this and you put him on notice. Let him know that if he continues to have inapporpriate contact with your WW that you will report him to the appropriate associations which won't look too kindly on a practitioner having an affair with a patient.

Time to attack the affair!

Filing for D will simply give her the excuse she seeks. This isn't one of the situations where you should jump to that option.

If you have got a problem that needs to be addressed, address it yourself. Don't wait for your WW to handle it. Be proactive. Black this OM's number, delete his contact info from her phone, put GPS on her car, block his email, call him and tell him to stay the heck away from your wife, get copies of your WW's journal entries, expose to OM's family, and go to the chiropractic association and tell them of their at least "inappropriate" relationship. That should be enough to run the OM off, especially if he isn't currently getting any. Your WW will be pissed, but she isn't going anywhere. She can deal with it. Take control of the situation yourself.

You make good points. If the affair doesn't end after confronting the OM, then I'd still file. Only for the reason that he can make the divorce go as slowly or as quickly as he wishes.

She will be responding to him, not the other way around.

I'd not give any notice regarding contacting licensing boards, associations, etc. I'd go do it and tell him that you've already done so in order to get an impartial view of this as both he and the doctor are emotionally invested in the outcome.

I wouldn't give him the chance to tell his side of the story first to any such organizations.

I feel if she's looking for an excuse to end it, that indicates she's not being emotionally honest with him and isn't worth being a part of his team.

Both view have merit and no one would fault the OP for taking either approach.