Real hard day today guys, haven't heard from WW in a while and it is damn hard. I'm in Plan B, been so tempted to call her but I haven't and need to keep it under control. Worst thing is I work as a sales rep on the road and some of those songs on the radio can just hit you hard.

I hope one day the "fog" may lift for just a while, enough for her to see the great things in our marriage and our life. Still 5 months in she hasn't pushed for the sale of the house, I guess that is a good thing as I would hate her to make decisions based on emotion rather than some logic.

I'm still hanging in there.

Well, my WW came over to drop boys off and the oldest got out came inside but the youngest stayed in car and wouldn't come inside (he is only 3.5 yrs old). Normal I don't speak to her and she leaves,

So i was trapped by my WW, I think i jinked myself with the above comment. She said "I think we have to do something with the finances" (meaning house) I simply replied "I don't want to talk about it"

and then she said

"Can you please leave the OM alone"

and I simply said

"let me make this clear, if you ever expect me to accept him it aint ever going to happen, you and I will never be friends" then I walk off with my youngest child.

So do I keep hassling the OM, or let it fail itself?
I don't want to make any decisions regarding the house and need to see if she can force me into it. (Although she has 4 months left on her rental)

Suggestions?

and now im probably sounding like a bitter, angry man

but these A's are so so destructive.

The reality is I might lose my house after working hard with her for it for years, building dreams for the children and making it a home, just to have OM come into my life, meet a few EN's and that is that.

I will fight for my marriage...

but it is TORTURE.. everyday it is another hill, you get over it just to find another. It is emotionally draining and the outcome uncertain. Lord give me the strength, and give the OM hell.

Wes.... I've been reading your thread and I know how hard it is....

But you are doing the right thing. Your kids and you will look back on this and be proud of how you acted. You can't control what she chooses to throw away; all you can do is control how you react to it.

Living well is the best revenge. That's what you're doing. She will feel that keenly in the years to come if she doesn't come to her senses.

Stay strong.....

You are not in plan B there is still direct contact.

As to leave the OM alone a better response (being you allowed NC to be broken)would be what am I doing to OM?

IF WW would complain about exposure, then state why is the OM upset with exposure all I'm doing is telling the truth.

Why is the OM embarassed by the truth?

Is it because the OM is daing a married woman an embarassment for people to find out?

All the OM has to do to stop being embarassed to stop his embarssing actions such as have affairs with married women.

You need a neutral 3rd party to hande drop offs to not break NC. Do you have parents or close friend that can do this?

Thanks Guys

I'm really doing the best I can to remain as Dark as I can but I don't have friends ore family in the near vicinity. I am definitely not texting, no calling and until as absolute little contact as possible. I wont allow her in the house and literally close the door on her.

The problem is I am working a additional job now to just keep on top of the bills, and can't afford to put the kids in any additional care where avoiding her contact with a daycare/after hour care is available.

I have also chosen a roster with the kids that is difficult to avoid some form of contact.
I have the kids on a Monday / Wednesday / Friday / Saturday one week and Monday / Wednesday / Saturday another, so she is always around.
I don't want to just be the weekend dad and want to be there during the week. I want to be part of there schooling and everyday life. So many people just recommend just seeing them every second weekend but there is no way this is going to happen full stop.

Wes, you KNOW that you are NOT in Plan B right? ANY contact that does NOT go through the IMs shows that your Plan B means NOTHING. And if you were in a true Plan B, you aren't even supposed to deal with OM either. You need to let them destroy themselves.

You need to have a solid PLAN BEFORE you enter Plan B. You need to iron out all of the details. It isn't too late to do that NOW, so get planning. Have it done TODAY. How are you going to fi this break in Plan B. How are you going to patch up this giant hole in your Plan B curtain?

Mate, I sitting here tonight just broken, with very little strength. It is hard to be strong when the affair drowns you in debt, pushes you to your limits, breaks you over and over. I don't have the solutions at the moment, i know i need them but don't have people here to just pick me up and dust me off. I feel defeated..

But you have people HERE. Draw on our strength. Find the solutions and understand that we have all been where you are. We are all better for having done what we have done. Following these plans is what will get you feeling better. I am CERTAIN that you don't want to be in this pain forever.

Strength in the face of an easy life is, well, EASY. It takes true strength to move forward when you are in the face of adversity. You will be truly amazed and proud of yourself.

So draw on our strength, and get that brain moving. I know you don't want to right now, but once you get safely placed in a true Plan B, you will feel better than you have in a LONGGGG time. take it from someone who knows from personal experience.

Wes, I'm speaking out of turn, here, since I never had to go through a Plan B. But everything I've read on this site tells me that part of the reason you are so down right now is because you've broken your own Plan B.

Please listen to Scotty - she's a master at Plan B. (Sorry, Scot, I refuse to use the word 'mistress.' )

Wes,
So sorry for everything you are going through. Plan B is very difficult emotionally for spouse. Plan B is to protect you but while you still see her you will not be protected against her and the drama in her life. Focus on being the soft place for your boys to fall - they will always remember that. My pastor said what hurts waywards is what they don't see. She doesn't see the devastation she is causing but be assured it will come back to bite her in the as... My FWH had to deal with his angry kids - he had to repair the damage - not me.

Gg

Well my wife came around this morning to pick up the boys, i had barely slept and last night was a real downer for me.
I know I have broken Plan B, and didn't have it foolproof enough.

We spoke for a while, she knows how much I care and once again she spoke about finances. She had been given lots of advice from her girlfriends about it. I just hate it when so called friends decide to get involved and put there 2 bobs worth in.

She actually told me that she is only seeing the OM once a week as he works away and still did the "I don't love you anymore line again" and the "i don't know if i ever loved you line" ouch that one hurts. She actually also mentioned that she is enjoying being on her own so that is a worrying sign.

So I have a meeting with 2 of my friends today today to get Plan B sorted out once and for all. I didn't like the hurt again last night and I still know when I see her how much I adore her and want our marriage. I still hope Plan B can have a secondary impact and let her see what shes missing but I ain't to confident. Time will tell.

Hopefully by the end of today I will have this sorted out once and for all.

Why don't you just stand in front of her and let her throw daggers. NO CONTACT WITH HER IS TO PROTECT YOU from her nonense!

G

Stop talking to her.

What would happen?

If she wants marital assets, then let her choose to do it a legal way.

Stop talking to her.

Today I have a meeting with friends to help out, it ends today just got to get it all organized.

Hello Wes, and greetings from the other side of the planet with some snow now after yesterday's snowfall..

I wanted to mention that I believe someone here had stated on another person's thread that they would be willing to act as a temporary IM via email. I don't recall who it was and I can't swear by it, but that is what I recall. It was in regard to another poster who was having difficulty getting an IM. Perhaps if that is true it would help until you lined up an IM where you are. If I am incorrect in this, then it just is another so-called 'senior moments'!

Anyway, it just causes me to wince on your behalf as I am sure it does others here when your WW takes advantage of each encounter to cause you pain just because she can.

Take care....

Tom

Wes, please! For your own sake, zip up Plan B and stop allowing her to abuse you this way!

Well have organised 2 friends to help me out with being around for the children and they were accomadating. they are both mutual friends of my wife and I but have not be close to her since D day. Can I use there relationship in anyway when they are talking with her. We use to all have such a good time.

Also you will be proud I finally changed my mobile phone number, if ever she rings now she will just "this number is disconnected"

Good job changing your number.

What is the plan for exchanging the children? Is it going to be done somewhere else? Is someone else going to be there to exhange the kids?

As far as finances, have you consulted an attorney? Do you know what you are entitled to legally?

Plan B is meant to protect you. It should NOT be entered into to get ANY reaction from your WW. It MAY have that outcome, but by the time you are in it, you won't care about that as much.

Once you get completely dark, let yourself grieve. Then, you will need to get yourself out and living life WITHOUT your WW.

You can do this. You will feel so much better once you have been dark for a while.

I have arranged for the children to be dropped and picked up from the family home as per normal. I however won't be there during these exchanges and will just have friends there for that.

As far as taking care of the financials, I am finding it very difficult. I am not over my Marriage and want to fight for it as long as I possibly can. I know by looking at the finances there is a certain degree of reality which I am emotionally not ready to face at the moment, even though I know the possiblities are very real and scary.

Im hoping with Plan B to give myself time to heal and give my wife time to ponder. Financial decisions based on emotions can be dangerous and I'm not ready to make any yet. Just where i'm at I guess.