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I have been following on this website and I have HNHN, LB, and the workbook. I have been tired of the lies about it has ended and then there's more contact. He admits to the emotional attachment with OW. I was told that the OW's husband knew about the affair. So today I began to expose and I called the OW's husband first. He was totally unaware and I spent an hour filling him in. I begged him not to say how he got the info. My H just got home from work telling me about the phone call OW got from her husband. WH then tells me that he feels nothing for me and he has decided to move out. What now?? Help!!

Married for 22 years (together for 31)
10 year old boy and 18 year old girl (in college 2 hours away)

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D-Day #1 Aug/2007.
D-Day #2 1/27/12
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Did you expose to kids and grandparents?


D-Day #1 Aug/2007.
D-Day #2 1/27/12
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Originally Posted by GabHil22
So today I began to expose and I called the OW's husband first. He was totally unaware and I spent an hour filling him in. I begged him not to say how he got the info. My H just got home from work telling me about the phone call OW got from her husband. WH then tells me that he feels nothing for me and he has decided to move out. What now?? Help!!

CONTINUE YOUR EXPOSURES!! Dont' stop now. Continue your exposures or you will just inflict enough minor damage to piss off the affairees enough to come after you. DON'T STOP until you have done a complete exposure. Expose the affair to his parents, the OW's parents, your parents, close friends, children.

And that is ludicrous to ask the OWH to not tell how he came by that information. How can you take credit for it if you keep that a secret? EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW YOU EXPOSED! Be loud and proud and stop hiding like a cockroach. Take credit for your good work!! hurray

And don't worry about him moving as long as you kill this affair. Your greatest danger is the affair not him moving out.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I only got the chance to first call the OW's H. He started calling his sisters and mom after he told me that he was leaving. I followed his calls to them to tell them what I have been dealing with for the past 6 months. DD-07/22/2010.(PA)

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Originally Posted by GabHil22
WH then tells me that he feels nothing for me and he has decided to move out. What now?? Help!!

WHEN is his proposed move out date?

ASK him when he will be moving.

Chances are, he will do no such thing.

If he does move out, I will be surprised.

Call OW's husband back tomorrow.

Tell OWH your WH says he is moving out.
ASK OWH if OW has plans to move out.

Hang in there.


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Agree with Pepperband...talk to the OWH. In my situation, I called the OMW and she was ready to make life a living hell if my wife and the OM ever moved out (to continue the A with fewer distractions.) Fight this on both fronts using the OWH.

Your H is simply angry that his little secret fantasy has been blown up. Now is the time you will need to be very strong, and fight for your H who is very confused right now.


Me: FBH (2010) and FWH (1996): 40
Her: FWW and FBW: 40

2011: In recovery

A's are merely chocolate-covered cancer lollipops.
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Originally Posted by GabHil22
I only got the chance to first call the OW's H. He started calling his sisters and mom after he told me that he was leaving. I followed his calls to them to tell them what I have been dealing with for the past 6 months. DD-07/22/2010.(PA)

Good job! Please also sit your children down and tell them about their dad's affair. They need the truth about the source of the tension in their home and they need your moral guidance.

Are there any other exposure targets? What about your parents? The OW's parents?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I just exposed a month ago, you have nothing to worry about. Its going according to plan. My wife said we were done twenty minutes after she found out I talked to OMW. Two days later she took it back.


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Good work, GabHil.

Stay your course & continue to expose.

Affairs thrive in darkensss & secrecy. They usually wither & die under the harsh light of truth. (Those affairs that are sustained long after such exposure, are sustained by people who aren't worth remaining married to.)

You H was a nice target for OW, while he had another woman (you) taking care of the messier part of his real life -- raising his kids, taking care of his home -- and being quiet about sharing him (because you didn't realize you were sharing him!).

But now that you're on-alert and rattling her cage, and now that his cachet (from her vantage point) as a partner may be tarnished by the prospect of his living in a crummy little apartment on the money he'll have left after you clean his clock in a prospective divorce & child-support action, minus the legal fees he'll spend in the process, minus the public damage to his reputation, and he may not seem such a fine "catch" to her as he once did.

This could potentially cause their affair to crash & burn; and if that happens, there's a chance that he'll de-fog and come back toward his senses, whereupon there'll be a chance for you to save, repair & improve your marriage.

There are no guarantees, but resolute exposure gives you your best chance, if you want to try to save your marriage. So stay strong. No matter what, you'll make your son and daughter proud of how you bear yourself in these days ahead.


Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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He left about 30 min ago, out into the cold. I thought a friend was picking him up so I went to the front door to see who it was. There was no one there. He set off on foot. His car is at the dealer being repaired. OW lives about 2 hours south of us. He is mad that he can't keep up this A as long as OWH knows.

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GabH, I know that it doesn't feel like it right now, but you did a great job. Do as Mel suggests and finish exposing this now to get that pressure up to its maximum effect and you can get on to the next step.

When your WH returns, you need to act calm. Don't love bust him about what you did and what he did. Tell him that you will do whatever it takes to save your marriage.

Don't let fear change your mind. You did a good job. You are a superstar right now.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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[Linked Image from pxleyes.com]

Awww... poor guy! Poor OW! You just smashed their cozy wittle affair snow-globe, and all the happiness & fun & sparklies are leaking out!
Boo-hoo! cry

This is good. Stay firm. Continue to expose, continue to keep up the pressure on the affair.

He may not come to his senses right away, or next week, or ever. But exposure is the best route to give that a chance to happen eventually.


Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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Oh, I wish there was a sticky at the top of the SAA forum "Important Things To Know When Exposing" or something along those lines...

1. Do it all at once if possible
2. WS will scream, cry, pack bags & leave (oftentimes to return shortly after), tell you they were willing to try but now that you have exposed, forget it, etc
3. Do NOT speak to your WS while in the middle of exposing (so that they can't stop you with such antics)

I know there is more. Anyway...

Almost every case I have seen of the WS storming out after an exposure ends up returning, many times w/n hours.

Ignore him. Continue with your exposure. He thought you would continue to enable the A...and now that you are snatching the crackpipe out of his hands, He is freaking.

I always tell the story about my sister whose WS stormed out, came back, repeatedly said he was "done" for days, even raged at times. She just used the broken record technique and said she was going to do what she needed to to end the A and she had hope for the M.

Hang in there!

Last edited by SusieQ; 01/17/11 10:12 PM.

Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
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On foot? Into the frigid night? My heart just breaks.......NOT!

So tell us, did he give you all the WS-exposed drivel that is so common?

"We might have had a chance, but YOU'VE ended that....."
"I would never have done this to you." Well, duhhhhhh, since you would never have screwed around on him!
"You don't understand, it's not like that."

You did what had to be done, and now you will continue exposing to all the targets on your list.

To WH's employer, to his entire extended family (particularly any brothers), to his friends, fraternal colleagues.

He will reach out to SOMEBODY for comfort/validation. It would be well if you've already laid a giant exposure-turd in whatever nest he's tempted to rest in.

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His reaction is normal and expected. I'm sure he's fed you the standard lines after exposure.

They're normal and expected as well. There is nothing unique or special about your H. He's a standard wayward.

Your situation is actually hopeful in the sense that there is a BH on the other end who will be your ally. I've seen affairs end very quickly when a BS's team up.

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He stated that he was trying to end it "easily." But purchasing another pre-paid phone and trying to make other contacts with OW happen, and then telling me about it does not sound like working on ending it to me. I am sick of it. OW is married to a wealthy MBA type (workaholic) and they have a huge expensive house and cars. Hell no, the OW ain't leaving. BH would have to put her out. It didn't sound like he was going to.

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Originally Posted by GabHil22
He stated that he was trying to end it "easily."

Nope, he was trying to cake-eat like most waywards.

Anyway, did you finish your exposure? Can you tell us the list of who you got to?


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B

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