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I have arranged for the children to be dropped and picked up from the family home as per normal. I however won't be there during these exchanges and will just have friends there for that.
Okay, but one thing: don't allow her to enter the house. She waits in the car and the kids go out to her, okay?


D-Day 2-10-2009
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Is it still Plan B if I were in the home and she would drop the kids out the front without seeing me, or is her just knowing im there still a problem - just curious.


H : 36
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Together 16 years
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Originally Posted by WesH
Is it still Plan B if I were in the home and she would drop the kids out the front without seeing me, or is her just knowing im there still a problem - just curious.
You are courting a Plan B break by being there. I'm not even wild about her being on marital property in the first place.


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Thanks Maritalbliss,

Thats what I thought just needed it confirmed. Im just worried about how long friends may be willing to help out for as it does come quite time consuming for them and i don't want to disrupt their family lives too much, but they do understand how important this is.


H : 36
WW : 35
Kids 3.5 / 6.5
Together 16 years
Married 6 years

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Thats what I thought just needed it confirmed. Im just worried about how long friends may be willing to help out for as it does come quite time consuming for them and i don't want to disrupt their family lives too much, but they do understand how important this is.
Let's take just one bite of the elephant at a time, okay? Let's see how this works with your friends. If it's not working, let's figure something else out.

Tell your friends they are aces with your other friends here, for helping you with this! smile


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Well first proper exchange of boys today with IM at my house and I went to do some food shopping. I gave him specific instructions not to let her in the house and she didn't come in.

It was a big ask as he is a mutual friend, he had dinner with her last night (first time they had been in contact in months and said the mood was a bit awkward. He let me know that she is now seeing the OM only once a week and the other time she is "finding herself"

So there it is, my number is changed, she can't contact me and wont see me for a long while. At times I feel this might be the wrong approach but I believe in the MB principles and today, although I miss my wife I wasn't a emotional wreck.

I will just need to stay strong and see what becomes of this mess.


H : 36
WW : 35
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Married 6 years

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Hi WesH,

This is the time for faith in what you are doing, it takes time, stay strong, keep working on yourself and stay busy.......
Take this time really enjoy your kids and family.......
Go out with friends.....
I find when something is difficult in your life if you just say "YES" to everything then life gets more interesting and full of new things..........


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Originally Posted by WesH
He let me know that she is now seeing the OM only once a week and the other time she is "finding herself"

This is not plan B. IM is not to tell you about her comings and goings, or her about yours.

Pass this instruction on to your IM. Hearing about WW is contact, not NC.

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He let me know that she is now seeing the OM only once a week and the other time she is "finding herself"
Let your IM know that you do not want to hear about your WW's travails. All he is to report to you is when she has ended the relationship with OM and is ready to come home to recover your M.


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It was my fault. I sort of plugged my IM for info, he said nothing but that also says everything.

I'm finding Plan B hard, I know it is not to save my marriage but to give me time to heal from constant betrayal but I have to wonder...

If she is only seeing the OM once a week, there is a real possibilty that she just wanted out of the marriage. I'm struggling with the fact that she might simply never want to discuss it or get councilling. I don't think even with time I would be able to overcome this.

Plan B is working at keeping my emotions under control, and I am doing the absolute best to get on with it, but seeing my kids, living in my family home, and remembering all the dreams we had makes it process hard and makes the ability to see the future with any hope almost impossible.

5 months later she has never said sorry or indicated anythink to give me any hope. Hard to believe 15 years can be over like that.

Sorry just having a hard day.


H : 36
WW : 35
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Together 16 years
Married 6 years

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If she is only seeing the OM once a week, there is a real possibilty that she just wanted out of the marriage. I'm struggling with the fact that she might simply never want to discuss it or get councilling. I don't think even with time I would be able to overcome this.
This is why you need to be dark in Plan B. You're speculating about what you've heard. It's not healthy for you.

Here are my two bits, Wes: she's lying. You can't know what the truth is with a wayward unless you see it with your own eyes. This is another reason why you want to stay dark in Plan B.


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Got a message from my IM today from the WW regarding the children. I have them tonight and then she has them tomorrow. She sent the IM a message saying "can I drop the kids off to her house". I have said to the IM the message is "no" (remembering she never wanted me to go to her house, the OM didn't want me to know where she lived)

Even though i have sent a Plan B letter I am always concerned this paints me as arrogant or hard to get along with.

I have arranged for the boys to be dropped at a friends house and then for her to pick them up. It is very hard, it feels like a love buster I am doing. Is what I'm doing correct.

It is hard also on the kids going all over the place.
How also will I know if she is continuing a affair, when it is over or just wants out of the marriage.


H : 36
WW : 35
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Married 6 years

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Of course you are doing the right thing by not dropping the kids off. You need to protect yourself right now and controlling the drop offs and pick ups is important for you. Don't think about how it is or isn;t going to effect your WW. You do things because they go along with YOUR plans and for no other reason. It doesn;t matter if your WW will be happy about something you do or if her head will spin like a top, you need to follow YOUR plan.

What is hard for your kids is that their family isn't together. BUT that isn't YOUR fault. Your WW's affair is what is harmful to your children and what you are doing is teaching them about boundaries and love. These are lessons that your children WILL learn from the way you have been acting during this time and in the future.



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Got message from IM today.

I got the kids off early to a friend of mine. My WW sent to my IM

"please thank Wesley as the boys were dressed beautifully this morning"

He passed this message on to me but don't know whether he should have as obviously I read too much into it... but im in Dark Plan B its now been 8 days with no contact with me, no text, no calls, no even seeing her.

My emotions even in this short time frame are better but damn I think about her a lot. Anyway off to the gym for ME.


H : 36
WW : 35
Kids 3.5 / 6.5
Together 16 years
Married 6 years

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He passed this message on to me but don't know whether he should have as obviously I read too much into it... but im in Dark Plan B its now been 8 days with no contact with me, no text, no calls, no even seeing her
Your IM needs to weed these messages out so they never get to you.

He also needs to tell WW that he won't be passing on any messages to you unless it is to inform you that WW has left OM and wishes to speak with you about recovering your M.

(But I'll tell you: that's nice that you're taking great care of the boys, Wes!)


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Well weekend is here again in Australia, and I have the boys tonight, tomorrow and Sunday, but I just had that overwhelming longing for my wife that comes over me. I know I can't call or be in touch with her in anyway and she needs to be the one to recommit to the marriage. It is soooo hard just to have blind faith, but I haven't broken Plan B in anyway and are now following it by the book.


H : 36
WW : 35
Kids 3.5 / 6.5
Together 16 years
Married 6 years

D Day 2nd August 2010
Plan B 25th December 2010
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Originally Posted by maritalbliss
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He passed this message on to me but don't know whether he should have as obviously I read too much into it... but im in Dark Plan B its now been 8 days with no contact with me, no text, no calls, no even seeing her
Your IM needs to weed these messages out so they never get to you.

He also needs to tell WW that he won't be passing on any messages to you unless it is to inform you that WW has left OM and wishes to speak with you about recovering your M.

(But I'll tell you: that's nice that you're taking great care of the boys, Wes!)

I agree. As sargent friday said, just the facts mam.

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It is soooo hard just to have blind faith, but I haven't broken Plan B in anyway and are now following it by the book.

@WesH -

There is no blind faith. You are putting your expectations into one of the two possible outcomes of a Plan B. You will recover your marriage. The other outcome is divorce.

The purpose of Plan B is for you to save the $LB balance that you have for your WS in the event that you can recover. IMHO, it would be horrible that you go through all this and then when WS is ready to come back you don't have anything in your $LB for WS.

If you continue to rely on the expectation that you will recover, then when the expectations aren't being met, you will start making withdrawals from your $LB.

An affair causes enormous damage to an BS's mental health. How are you healing? Plan B removes you from the drama of the affair.

Drop the expectations. Keeping them will only put you into a position where you will be unable to Recover your marriage.

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Guys need advice on two things.

Got a invite for a birthday party for one of our children.It is addressed to both my boys Mum and Dad (so entire family). This has been delivered to the family house so my WW won't know about it.

Do i just dress the boys and take them and don't let WW know about the party. (just checking as i think this is right for plan B)and let her hear about it later from the boys?

and also...

How do you deal with a WW that drops kids of hour late here, half hour here and has no respect to schedules. Do you make a big issue of this? or let it slide to keep contact really to a minimum. I guess this is typical wayward behavior. So frustrating.

Last edited by WesH; 01/24/11 04:48 AM.

H : 36
WW : 35
Kids 3.5 / 6.5
Together 16 years
Married 6 years

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Use the IM to say to WW that you received an invite and would be taking them through. In the same note write a reminder of the times and reiterate that out of respect for the IM's she should keep to the agreed times.

You have set boundaries so long as you are polite and refer to the schedule times she cannot say much untoward.

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