HTLD's

We are amicable when OM is not around.

In other news, we had the four way settlement conference today. As soon as exWW showed up with POSOM, I knew nothing was going to get accomplished. You see, the only issues outstanding are alimony, and how much of my retirement she gets. Since she's been living with the dude since separation, she's not eligible for alimony.

So, me, my lawyer, and her lawyer sit down while we are waiting for her to show up. We tell her L that let's drop the alimony, go down the list of assets to agree on a value but each person keep the asset they are in possesion of, then use my 401K to balance out the overall number. Quick, efficient, and sets us up in a good negotiating mood by coming to agreement on asset value first before we split everything up.

Needless to say, things got off to a rocky start when her lawyer told her POSOM can not be in the room with her when discussing things. (we were in separate rooms and the L's were going back and forth) She threw a fit when told that.

She and her lawyer were pushing back on the alimony so we pulled out all of our evidence of cohabitation. Her lawyer comes back and says that she will not agree to dropping alimony and she wants to come into the room to talk to me. She goes into a rant that had to be seen to be believed. At one point, she said that she would swear on her children that even though she and POSOM were found naked in bed together, they did not have SF. My lawyer thanks her for telling us her concerns but we are not budging on alimony. She then says I don't care about the kids and that she is filing a custody modification. My lawyer says "Ok". She storms out and the three of us are looking at each other wondering WTF just happened.

Her lawyer then says that if we go to trial for alimony, he will have to fire her as a client. He goes on to say that he has to operate within the law and can not pull a rabbit out of his hat. It is a really good example how someone thinks a lawyer is a miracle worker but in reality they can only work with what's presented to them.

AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PSU - I'm so relieved you survived the latest twist and turn that infidelity-induced depression can throw on a person.

One skill I think would serve you well is in the event that you can't avoid POSOM, and he goes off on his juvenile rants about your kids, I think mastering the "scum" look would serve you well.

The "scum" look is achieved by looking the man up and down, and dismissing him as the worthless scum he is, and then walking away. The guy wants to engage you so that he can achieve what your XW couldn't - your destruction. When he learns from your glance that he's impotent that way, he'll cross the line and try to physically engage you. Be sure that you are never alone with the piece of horse**** under your shoe.

Sounds to me like good reason to request compensation for legal fees.

I learned that it is a pointless waste of time to negotiate with an entitled wayward in terms of legal matters. My lawyer and hers negotiated for hours and hours and got nothing done.

I should have pulled the plug early and simply said that it is clear we won�t be able to reach a common ground and to simply let a judge settle it.

But this has to be costing you a fortune. I know it did me.

Stay calm. Don�t meet emotion with emotion (my biggest mistake). And simply be cool. Say, �No, thanks� to unreasonable settlement offers and move to the next step.

I know you�re doing all of this. I�m just cheering you on to continue.

But I wasted sooooo much money on fighting this stuff.

In the end, the judge was very generous to me. I pay just a little over half of the CS I use to pay and could have reduced it further, but decided against it since it was close enough.

This bothers me. Did you say anything to exWW when she walked in like that? I realize you are trying to be civil but...

PSUBIKER,

I'd love to here an update on how things are going with you,

I Wanted to let you know I'm in the middle of my D now, had thought I would be done by now but in reality only getting started.

I had planned for years that as soon as I retired my WW and I would ride a TransAm, on a tandem, when I filed last spring I decided I would do the ride now, as a head clearing move. I plan to start on the Lewis and Clark trail in Oregon, the last week in May, and will end up in South Carolina (home state).

Anyway, thought you might enjoy hearing that, hope you'll update one of these days

SC

Me too. Hope everything is well.

I have been looking for an update as well.

Quite a bit of drama over the last three or four months or so. It would be a huge post to go over everything but here's the quick hit:

- exWW found out about my suicide attempt in mid Nov
- exWW files emergency custody motion
- judge denies emergency custody motion
- judge schedules a teleconference to find out what's up, I tell him what's up
- judge wants to see a letter from my psych and psychiatrist about my treatment and ability to parent (no problem with that)
- judge on conference call admonishes exWW for calling his legal assistant a female dog in the act of mating after he denied her emergency peition
- exWW shows up at the police department to exchange the kids but without the kids.
- Police threaten to arrest exWW if she doesn't get the kids. SHe gets the hint and gets the kids.
- MOnday after thanksgiving exWW's child support I pay to her is lowered in mediation. ExWW is not happy
- Next day, exWW files a complaint with division of family services that I am abusing and neglecting the kids
- Same day as the complaint to DFS exWW files a motion for custody again because I still had not gotten the letter from the psyciatrist (he was on a two week vacation around the Thanksgiving holiday and my lawyer had sent a letter to her and the judge indicating this the monday before Thanksgiving). I had already produced the letter from my psychologist as well as my return to work documentation from mid October as I work in a manufacturing environment and it is required for all medical absences.
- We file an answer and ask for attorney fee, judge dismisses her motion and defers attorney fees to ancillary matters hearing on Jan 14
-Normal drama from exWW denying me visitation during the X-Mas holiday. Document and save if we have a trial for custody
- We have the ancillary matters hearing on Jan 14
- before the hearing while in the courthouse, we offer her 60% of my retirements if she drops alimony (60% is what she would get if it went in front of the judge as case law backs that up based on our income differential) No use going in front of the judge for my retirements. She accepts the retirement offer but wants the hearing for alimony
- we have the alimony hearing, we present the picture of them in bed together, her testimony from a protection order hearing in Nov 2008 that they are boyfriend and girlfriend and living together, her lease at her current place where she lives listing him as an occupant
- As you are inelligible for alimony if you cohabitate in my state, the judge asks her flat out POSOM had been her boyfriend and Cohabitation partner since the separation.
- Ex WW answers no. Judge accuses her of PERJURY!!!!Ex WW said she was in distress in the PFA hearing and her testimony in that hearing was untrue because she was being harrased by my lawyer. The judge then tells her the first time my lawyer spoke to her in the hearing was his first question during cross examination which was "what is your relationship with POSOM?" SHe answered "He's currently my live in boyfriend"
- ExWW goes on the stand to present her case, all she does is say how POSOM is paying off his rent by doing work around the house, taking care of the horses. My lawyer says nothing. He just lets her drone on for about 90 minutes and using up all of the time for the hearing.
- I ask him why he isn't cutting her off and he whispers in my ear telling me she is reinforcing to the judge that POSOM lives with her. She did not present anything indicating he was not living with her.
- exWW finishes her testimony, my lawyer does not cross examine, and since exWW used up 90minutes of the 60 minutes alloted to her, the judge wants to end the hearing and asks my lawyer to present a motion for attorney fees.
- we ask for 10K in fees for the previous bogus motion and the alimony hearing since she was inelligible for alimony and pretty much committed perjury the entire time.

We are waiting for the judge on the attorney fees and the dismisal of the alimony. Next week is mediation for custody. My position is there has been no change so just dismiss. Plus, our state is 50/50 shared state now and exWW would have a huge burden of proof to change custody. Teachers and guidance counslor have all said the kids like the 50/50 arrangement so I'm not really worried about the outcome, just the BS that comes from exWW as we get closer to court dates.

Holy moly! Your XW is a genuine piece of work. Did her attorney ever fire her as a client, like he said he would?

tl

Your post is perfectly timed. I was thinking of you as I switched on.

Did her sister warn her of the suicide attempt? This shows how a WW will use anything to her advantage!

Too bad for her about the $10K suit. What will POSOM do for booze and cigarettes?

Plus...I think she's already gone bankrupt so she can't go bankrupt for another 7 years or more so eventually you'll get paid it seems (though I don't think you'll be able to offset the debt versus child-support payments).


All that being said:

HOW ARE YOU GETTING ON?

Mr. Wondering

Ohh, ohhh, ohhh! I forgot that one. Yes he did - in his motion to excuse himself, he stated the reason for ending the relationship was because "rift and discord between the client and myself has made the relationship untenable". As explained by my attorney, it is code for I gave her really good advice but she still wants to plow ahead and I don't want to make a fool of myself.

My guess is there are a couple of ways for me to get paid - one we have not done the QDRO's yet for the retirement accounts and the judge could give me a credit for that. Or, she could liquidate some of the retirments she gets and pays me cash, or she can pay me cash outright.

It's really all of her doing - she owes her old attorney about 6K and did not get one motion, hearing, or anything out of him. She was so focused on how to punish me she sent him on a wild goose chase looking for a way to pull a rabbit out of the hat with alimony. When her attorney found out we held the nuts when it came to alimony, he dropped her when she wouldn't dismiss it.

It's a great lesson on how to utilize your attorney - of course I would have wanted to keep more of my 401K, so I had my lawyer's legal assistant spend half an hour looking at case law for my situation - SAHM, 80 / 20 income split, what is the split judges rule for retirement accounts in my situation. Instead of paying my lawyer about $800 to argue retirements, we just settled and focused on our case for alimony. Even if she didn't agree to the 401K split before trial, we would have just said we offer a 60/40 split in our opening statement and the judge would have given her that.

Amazing

"Divorce Final 3/19/2009"

Here we are two years later still splitting up assets. For a woman that wanted out so bad...she sure has a knack for dragging things out.

Attorney fee awards are somewhat rare so I hope you get lucky and the judge awards it and allows you to set off against the retirement 401k settlement. (depending on the numbers involved with the retirement account I could see him making an award smaller than your asking for but one that makes the retirement account division precisely 50-50).


Can't wait for this to be OVER for you (which may not fully happen until those kids are adults. In the meantime, I think you need to find yourself a nice Hoosier girl. lol

Peace,

Mr. W

Thanks for the update.
Could exWW be any dumber????

I just read this last night. This thread should be required reading for all newbies who aren't one hundred percent sure they want to avoid a divorce!

And the judge understands the "code", right? But your XW doesn't? How cool is that?!

tl

Sounds like there should be a "vacancy" sign where her brain she be accually.

Glad things are working out for ya PSU