smiling for you.........jessi

Yay!

It IS a long road but you are better off than many at this stage of the game. Still, it's hard and I understand that...eventually your anxiety will fade some. You have lots of positive steps in your favor!

f4l,

How are things going these days? Did your wife talk to Steve?

not yet, but we are setting up the appointment today. I didn't really want to delay it, but I realized that her level of receptiveness went way up by allowing her a week to decompress.

We are enjoying each other's company quite a bit...brutal yoga class last night, have a concert and a charity event this weekend.

One of the hard things for me right now it to even imagine WW being completely honest. When your spouse harbors a secret reality you almost come to expect it. Its also hard to imagine that someone who has treated you with callous indifference can suddenly care about you again. So I am waaaayy ready for her to talk to Steve.

F4L - Just checking in to see how things are going for you and WW. When's your appointment with Steve?

I'm in the same boat here--it's hard to let your defenses down once again and not try to always look for the hidden agenda. I keep saying "Well, someone has to go first, might as well be me" but when you keep getting bitten, it makes it even more difficult to do.

its been a while since I updated my thread & its been a wild ride.

Right after my last post, DS1 sustained a pretty bad injury in a lacrosse game, tearing 3 ligaments in his shoulder. Specialists, consultations, etc. Finally it is agreed that surgery is the best option, which takes 5 hours and they send him home with a script for 100 vicadin pills. FWW was a mess, so I kind of shepherded us thru this, which she acknowledged and was very grateful. Funny how we see opportunities to meet EN's everywhere once we get with the MB program.

About 10 days post injury as things just began to normalize, I develop some pain and swelling in my calf, but nothing major. After trying to ride it out for a few days, FWW says "do you think you might have a blood clot?" This sends me scrambling to the internet where I find that I have all of the symptoms. Go to the doc next day, get sent to the ER where tests confirms I have not one but 2 clots in my leg. They put me on blood thinners.

Then things get interesting. I get worse every day until (4 days later) I feel like my leg is going to explode because the pressure inside is so high. Back to the doc, back to the ER, some more tests, now I have "compartment syndrome" and need emergency surgery to release the pressure so it doesn't kill all the muscle and nerves in my leg. They tell me another day the way it was and I would have been gimped for life or maybe even needed an amputation. WTF!

I end up needing 3 operations in 5 days. They can't close the incision without taking a skin graft from my thigh, so now my whole leg is freaking mess. I spend 9 days in the hospital.

But all of this hootenanny is working wonders on my M. FWW is frazzled to the core. Between taking over my transportation responsibilitites and trying to keep the house in order, she is amazed at how much stuff I actually did for the family.

She is also amazed at the fact that I've had zero post-op pain. She thinks I have a super-human pain tolerence when the fact is it just doesn't hurt. She needs to feel admiration for me in order for our M to recover fully and this is helping big time. I keep telling her that it just isn't that bad and all that does is convince her that I am courageous in facing adversity even more.

This also has given her a chance to do things for me which makes her feel like she is 'working off her demerits' in a sense. At some point during all this she began wearing her wedding ring again and was shocked that I noticed immediately. She is ecstatic that I am following thru on my promise not to fall asleep on our M again.

So things are looking very hopeful right now. I would be lying if I said that I don't have moments of pain when my thoughts turn to her A or the emotional gauntlent I've had to run. I still have a lot of crap to work thru on that front.

Wow! I am glad to hear you are alright! Hoping you still have a plan for recovery and are following it?? You are at a critical fork in the road where you can go on the path of recovery or the path of a cripple version of the pre affair marriage. The pink cloud of relief will wear off soon.. Please don't take the wrong path after all the hard work you have done!

thanks Mel, and noooo,I will not let that happen! The pre affair marriage is a snake pit that I haven't the slightest interest in.

Unfortunately though, right now my physical recovery is using up all of the time my wife can get away from work, at least until I can drive again (2-3 weeks). I have 4 doctor appointments this week alone and I need her help picking up the slack around the house, so things like food shopping and bandage changes are pushing counseling sessions to the side. By I will not allow that to be a permanent thing.

F4L - I'm feeling bad for you, but extremely happy for your Marriage! It sounds like you have a great chance to get it all back. That's awesome. Here's to a speedy recovery!