Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4
#2503848 04/30/11 10:00 AM
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818
Likes: 7
M
markos Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818
Likes: 7
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...Craig-Isabella-Calthorpe-came-close.html

Quote
Though it has been over eight years since any of the dated him, it appears that he has sustained a relationship with nearly all of them.

Sigh. frown

Please, God, let the sons learn from the mistakes of their fathers:

Quote
But her friendship with the Prince endured, and Camilla became a constant in his life even after his 1981 wedding to Lady Diana Spencer

http://www.hellomagazine.com/profiles/the-duchess-of-cornwall/


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
Hopefully that's the end of the friendships.
I had an ex (and his gf of the time) at my wedding and never saw him again.







Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,093
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,093
My oldest daughter and her husband had exes at their wedding. Not a problem.

My youngest daughter and her husband had exes at their wedding. In fact, the man officiating was an ex of my daughter, and is a very good friend of her now-husband. They have known each other for years, and the three of them have extraordinary respect for the marriage. The man officiating has long standing respect from me.

I have wondered for a very long time if this is something that the generation now being married has been changing over time. For me, when I broke up with a boyfriend, that was it.

For my daughters, they have NEVER had a boyfriend who did not remain friends with them, and with us, since the time they started dating. When I look at their FB accounts, I seen numerous old boyfriends. It would strike me as very strange - for them - to not have those names there.

These were not "affair partners". These were relationships that were dating relationships - and ended of their own accord for any number of reasons, before the relationship that led to marriage occurred. The attitude they have is that when you date someone, you are working to find a suitable marriage and life-long partner. If that dating situation doesn't work out, it does not necessarily mean that the person you dated is "bad" or "socially unacceptable". It means only that the two of you were not mutually compatible for marriage or a long-term relationship.

This may be a change we are seeing in society. For my daughters, it has worked for many, many years. There has never been an issue. Both they and their husbands say that it is acceptable to them, and in asking most of their friends (not necessarily the exes), they also say that this is commonly practiced in their social lives.


Just my observations of the newest generation. Perhaps we will see the fallout later. For now, it appears to be the status quo.


SB


Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Recovered.
Happy.
Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,254
E
Member
Offline
Member
E
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,254
I think having friendships where there is one on one contact with former lovers/ or boyfriend/girlfriend when you are married IS A recipe for disaster (a la Camzilla, duchess of c*rnhole, the awful affairage wifey of Prince Charles). That one definitely conspired against Diana to ruin her marriage and to work her way into the castle.

Personally, I didn't invite an ex to my wedding reception last year. Not my xh (whom I despise) or an old bf or anything. I think it would be insulting to be invited to a wedding of a former bf. It would be odd. Not sure why I would want to attend or why they'd want me there really?

You have to think at some point during the wedding, that somebody would ask you something uncomfortable like "did you think it would be YOU instead up there?" or "I bet this must be painful for you knowing you dated the bride/groom x years".

Imho, unneeded. No reason for it. Just bringing drama into something holy and beautiful.


Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right. ~Jane Goodall
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,704
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,704
Why do y'all even keep up with the relationships of famous people?


Husband (me) 39
Wife 36
Daughter 21
Daughter 19
Son 14
Daughter 10
Son 8 (autistic)

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
Originally Posted by kilted_thrower
Why do y'all even keep up with the relationships of famous people?


One reason is because they play out in a larger-than-life fashion the same stuff that the "little people" go through. We want to see how they handle it and what the consequences are. We like seeing that even the hugely rich and famous cannot get away with destroying their families, any more than the Poor and Nameless can do so.

They also provide a common frame of reference for the rest of us. If anyone wants to know what happened to my marriage, all I have to say is "It was like trying to be married to Tiger Woods" and they understand exactly what I mean.


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123
Likes: 1
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by peachyisback
Personally, I didn't invite an ex to my wedding reception last year. Not my xh (whom I despise) or an old bf or anything. I think it would be insulting to be invited to a wedding of a former bf. It would be odd. Not sure why I would want to attend or why they'd want me there really?

I get it. I really do.

However, I have been to a wedding or two, where an ex-spouse helped to set up decorations, gave a toast at the reception, etc.

Problem is, I don't think this picture of some happy coexistence after divorce is a good thing for marriage, and at the same time, I can't accept being full bile and venom as a healthy thing to carry forward in a family.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,704
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,704
Mulan, I still don't understand. They're rich; they're famous; they bleed red like the rest of us.

I can careless what my neighbor is doing let alone some guy whom has 'Prince' as a title doing whatever.

I don't care that Brad Pitt is sleeping with 9000 women and prob giving all of them a STD and ruining a marriage if he's married at the time. Or if Mel Gibson is cursing out other races because they're black, Jewish, Mexican, white, Hondurian, etc.

I'm sorry. I just aggrivated that sometimes my favorite TV shows are canceled because some queen or prince on the other side of the world is doing something that I can careless about but some people do and so they put it on TV or tabloid.


Husband (me) 39
Wife 36
Daughter 21
Daughter 19
Son 14
Daughter 10
Son 8 (autistic)

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,704
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,704
Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
I get it. I really do.

However, I have been to a wedding or two, where an ex-spouse helped to set up decorations, gave a toast at the reception, etc.

Problem is, I don't think this picture of some happy coexistence after divorce is a good thing for marriage, and at the same time, I can't accept being full bile and venom as a healthy thing to carry forward in a family.

But there can be happy coexistence after divorce. My exwife and i get along awesomely now that we're divorced. And my daughters are much better off that we get along. Granted she sure didn't come to my wedding but we get along just fine.


Husband (me) 39
Wife 36
Daughter 21
Daughter 19
Son 14
Daughter 10
Son 8 (autistic)

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
Quote
However, I have been to a wedding or two, where an ex-spouse helped to set up decorations, gave a toast at the reception, etc.

Yikes - that sounds like one of those Fantasy Divorce situations, and if anyone is interested there's an MB thread about it here:

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2279757&page=1



Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
Quote
Problem is, I don't think this picture of some happy coexistence after divorce is a good thing for marriage, and at the same time, I can't accept being full bile and venom as a healthy thing to carry forward in a family.

It doesn't have to be one or the other - not sure why people think it does. All you have to do is Leave It Alone. An ex is not your friend, but if you stay the *bleep* out of their lives they will not become your enemy, either. It isn't being "vindictive" or "hateful" to have No Contact with an ex - *especially* if they cheated on you and wrecked the family. It's just common sense, or should be.


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
Originally Posted by kilted_thrower
Mulan, I still don't understand. They're rich; they're famous; they bleed red like the rest of us.

I can careless what my neighbor is doing let alone some guy whom has 'Prince' as a title doing whatever.

I don't care that Brad Pitt is sleeping with 9000 women and prob giving all of them a STD and ruining a marriage if he's married at the time. Or if Mel Gibson is cursing out other races because they're black, Jewish, Mexican, white, Hondurian, etc.

Rightly or wrongly, the most wealthy and successful among us serve as role models for the rest. If they are doing stupid and destructive things, they deserve to be called out for it for exactly that reason. And that's why we're so interested in what they do, because on some level we all want their success in gaining money and resources.

Quote
I'm sorry. I just aggrivated that sometimes my favorite TV shows are canceled because some queen or prince on the other side of the world is doing something that I can careless about but some people do and so they put it on TV or tabloid.


See above. Sometimes, it's just nice to see a happy and positive event take over the news instead of death and destruction and tragedy. YMMV.

P.S. Try YouTube or the IMDB to get on-line replays of most TV shows.


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,704
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,704
Originally Posted by Mulan
Rightly or wrongly, the most wealthy and successful among us serve as role models for the rest. If they are doing stupid and destructive things, they deserve to be called out for it for exactly that reason. And that's why we're so interested in what they do, because on some level we all want their success in gaining money and resources.

We'd all like to be rich and loved, but who says they serve as role models? Typically the richest among us are the worst role models.


Husband (me) 39
Wife 36
Daughter 21
Daughter 19
Son 14
Daughter 10
Son 8 (autistic)

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
Quote
We'd all like to be rich and loved, but who says they serve as role models? Typically the richest among us are the worst role models.

Well, that's why I said, "rightly or wrongly." You asked why people care about what the rich and famous do, and that's why. I understand that it can be perceived as stupid and shallow to pay attention to what strangers do, but it is human nature to watch the alpha males and alpha females among us very closely. And that's what royalty and celebrity are - the social alphas who get the most in money, resources and mates.


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
ok, I am not getting what is wrong with discussing celebrities and their various and sundry situations? They have chosen to put themselves out there in the public for a reason. What is the problem with discussing it?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,704
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,704
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
ok, I am not getting what is wrong with discussing celebrities and their various and sundry situations? They have chosen to put themselves out there in the public for a reason. What is the problem with discussing it?

Because they disrupt my TV programming. Gah! And rather than them putting in the paper an article about how awesome I am, they have some celebrity getting married in the paper.

Priorities, Melody.


Husband (me) 39
Wife 36
Daughter 21
Daughter 19
Son 14
Daughter 10
Son 8 (autistic)

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
ok, I am not getting what is wrong with discussing celebrities and their various and sundry situations? They have chosen to put themselves out there in the public for a reason. What is the problem with discussing it?

I agree!

KT, I suppose we could turn this around on you and ask why you aren't interested -- except, well, you must surely be interested or you wouldn't have bothered to click on a thread entitled "Prince William's exes" -- Or is it that you are just interested in scolding others for being interested in something you find uninteresting?

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123
Likes: 1
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by Mulan
Quote
We'd all like to be rich and loved, but who says they serve as role models? Typically the richest among us are the worst role models.

Well, that's why I said, "rightly or wrongly." You asked why people care about what the rich and famous do, and that's why. I understand that it can be perceived as stupid and shallow to pay attention to what strangers do, but it is human nature to watch the alpha males and alpha females among us very closely. And that's what royalty and celebrity are - the social alphas who get the most in money, resources and mates.

Can't disagree with you here - even more so since you have lived it.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,416
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,416
I think sometimes as our world gets tinier and tinier, it also becomes skewed. My DH went to college at the same time as the now wife of someone I dated seriously in college (she is a bit older than him). DH is friends with her on FB (along with a bunch of other college friends - and no, they never dated). Once her profile picture had her and her DH in it. For about two seconds I thought "Should I ask him to defriend her since her husband's pic is there and I dated him in 1990?"

Then I thought....how stupid and sad is that? No! Who cares??? He is still friends with her, and I had no deep desire to go shack up with K just from seeing them smiling hand in hand.

Sometimes a picture of those churches who take modesty to such an extreme that skirts go to the ankles and hair goes to the waist flit through my mind.....

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,704
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,704
Originally Posted by MrsWondering
I agree!

KT, I suppose we could turn this around on you and ask why you aren't interested -- except, well, you must surely be interested or you wouldn't have bothered to click on a thread entitled "Prince William's exes" -- Or is it that you are just interested in scolding others for being interested in something you find uninteresting?

Mrs. W

Wait wait. This thread isn't about me. I will not be caught off guard with your reverse psychology or your other womanly voodoo.


Husband (me) 39
Wife 36
Daughter 21
Daughter 19
Son 14
Daughter 10
Son 8 (autistic)

Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,116 guests, and 67 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5