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#2510711 05/18/11 04:16 PM
Joined: May 2011
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ang10 Offline OP
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Forgive me but I don't know all the abbreviations.
My story: Ive had a issue with my husband going out with his friends and ignoring my phone calls. This is NOT new, he has done it for years! I have put up with it and never left because I felt maybe when we got older he would change. 2 children and 7 years down the road...no change. So 2 weeks ago I caught him red handed at a bar when he specifically told me the week before that he would stop. Took a picture sent it to his phone and let him know that I would be leaving to cool off and get my head together as to what I was going to do. A little background on me, I am currently a stay at home mom, have no vehicle, and no access to the accounts for money. Anywho...my sister convinced me to stay with her and she would help me with the kids. I ignored his calls and text for about 48 hours, and finally gave in when he asks if this it was how it was going to end. I told him no, and that I just needed my space so that I could make a smart decision. He of course got mad at me and it was rude texting from then on until 2 days later. I told him that the only way that I could any kind of trust for him was for him to not go out at all or drink at all unless I was able to go to. At the time, that was to much to ask (this was Thursday night) so I left it alone then. Friday rolls around and I have to go home because my sister was having a little get together and I didn't want to intrude. So when I come home he comes in and tells me that he is going out with his friend and that if I was home when he get back that we would work things out. I of course had to stay, had no where else to go. He shows up at 2am and trys to talk to me DRUNK. At this time, im in withdrawl. I don't care to even argue about it anymore, I just want to live here until I can get my ducks in a row. Well fast forward 4 days later (this past Thursday) I just so happen to get on his phone without him knowing and he is texting another girl telling her the following: she was cute, he couldnt stop looking at her, he wanted to have lunch with her and them sit close together, and that he didn't know why she was shy they "both knew what was happening." That was just the major stuff to me. I freaked out and confronted him about it immediately! Yes I lost my temper, I threw the phone at him and told him to get out. He got mad because I invaded his privacy and told me that he met her when I LEFT HIM. He knew very well that I wasn't leaving him like that, that I just needed my space. To shorten things up...
Ive lost all trust in him, I cant stop checking the phone records, I have now put a key logger on the computer so that I can get into the bank account, and I dont know if I can ever trust him again. I printed out the basic concepts and the joint agreement, he doesn't want to read them. I am literally in a corner. I have 2 children who I cant provide for if I leave him, no car to get to a potential job, and no money even though half of what he makes is mine. To tell you the truth, I do still love him but I cannot keep subjecting myself to this, its not fair to me nor to our children.
ANY ADVICE?

To clear any questions up, the other girl did not know he was married and I made sure that she knew who I was and that she was no longer advised to contact him out consequences. Stupid on my part to threaten her, but maybe enough to keep her away while I try to get to the bottom of things.

Joined: Oct 2007
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Sorry you are here but welcome smile

Does your H have a drinking problem?


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
Joined: May 2011
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ang10 Offline OP
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Idk. My father did, and he is nothing like that. Though all people are different. He doesn't have to have it everyday, but he does drink often...if its not one now, it will be in the future with the path hes headed down.

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ang10

Welcome to Marriage Builders. I'm sorry you're going through a rough time.

Originally Posted by ang10
Ive had a issue with my husband going out with his friends and ignoring my phone calls. This is NOT new, he has done it for years! I have put up with it and never left because I felt maybe when we got older he would change. 2 children and 7 years down the road...no change.

What made you think he would change?

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ang10 Offline OP
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Because we were young and I figured he wasnt ready to grow up. Not making up excuses or anything but we have been together since we were kids and had a baby early on so we never had the "go out" phase.

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Where did he meet the OW? Have you exposed this to anyone?

It sounds like he has a drinking problem so I am hesitant to tell you to Plan A because it won't work with an alcoholic....hopefully some of the other posters more experienced with this issue will weigh in soon.

In the meantime you can read up on it and start thinking of doing Plan A while you line up your Plan B. Plan B is where you will separate and have no contact with your H until he meets your conditions which in addition to addressing the infidelity should also address the drinking and going out with his friends.

Here's the Carrot & Stick of Plan A:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2296184

Hang in there!


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 1,422
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Ang, I want to reply to you when I have more time to fully answer. hang in there, I know it's tough. Sounds like youre really dealing with 2 big issues, Ow And H drinks to much. I don't log in here much anymore but saw your post and wanted to say I understand what youare going thru.


Me, BS Him, Alcoholic, FWH H did 180 in '01 Recovered, blessed marriage now Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things unseen. Hebrews 11:1
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ang10 Offline OP
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He met OW while he was at lunch, she works at the only food joint around his job site. So he still goes there everyday. Im in the works of scoping it out to see if he just goes in to pick up food or stays in and eats. I put a keylogger on the computer last night and was able to get passwords to email, FB, and bank accts. Nothing from OW on anything but LOTS of money being spent at bars when he was saying he was somewhere else.


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