Great idea NG

Damn, he won't do it. He said he doesn't want to be involved on this "tragedy." He told me to use it as needed and continue to provide information as needed.

Great Job on exposure and I like NG idea as well.
She doesnt hate you she has just misplaced her feelings.
Now Plan A it and snoop.
Let the anger die down,Anger takes so much energy its hard to sustain for very long.
Keep repeating your positions on remaining in the M with a smile in your voice.

Sounds like his brother may have got all the Honor genes.

I was thinking of using a threat like "if I have a ***EDIT*** STD there will be divorce papers delivered to you tomorrow and I will ask for full child support and custody!"

His brother said his STD test came back clean but I'm getting checked anyway.

Is this excessive and will push her away even farther or justified? I know I don't have an STD.

Just show your wife the text. That will do just as well.

To paraphrase the Master:

Do, or do not. There is no "threaten".

I agree with Yoda, NEVER THREATEN, girls threaten, men do or do not!!

So I showed my wife the brother's text and it didn't get the reaction I was hoping for. As a matter of fact she didn't really SAY anything. Was I expecting too much? I was hoping she would throw her arms around my neck and say let's work this out.

I also made a mistake by saying something like, Id like to fly to X state and take my airfare out of his $&@.". Maybe I thought showing her that I still cared that a piece of crap hurt her that she would put that in a positive light. Guess I was wrong.

Anyway, the affair is over according to everyone I talked to. I know, it's hard to prove.

Keep digging. Snoop more.

Meanwhile, schedule to get yourself STD tested and ANNOUNCE IT. Tell her since her OM used the services of a hooker, that YOU have to be sure that you're ok. Suggest she do it to.

I am sure her wheels are turning in the foggy brain

One more thing. Before this I get a text from her asking if I've heard from anyone is his family. Thinking she knows I got that text I say yes and what I saw was very hurtful to me and to her. After that, she proceeds to call OM (he doesn't answer) and gives him the business asking "what did you say to my husband to make him so upset?".

I know all of this because my "mole" (his brother) calls me asking what us going on because the OM knows he called me.

Fast forward to my previous post.

Here's where I need advice. My wife told me she and berated the OM because she was concerned about me. I'm taking this as a good sign? Would I be depositing in the LB if I say thank you for your concern and I appreciate her thinking of my feelings?

I would put NO weight on this. Your WW isn't going to try to alienate her AP. The chance is about 100% that she has said nothing to him. Think about it - why would she show any loyalty to you if she wants to maintain the affair?

I suspect she has said nothing to him about you.

So WW tells me tonight that:

1. As it stands right now she doesn't see us working this out.
2. She wants to be happy and right now she's not.
3. Our kids will be (age 4 and 2) if we're not together.
4. She doesn't want to quit her job (EA) was with coworker. (yes I exposed to work, haven't heard back)
5. We should call a realtor to see what our house will bring if we sell it. It should be sold

Can someone assure me these are natural responses to a WW who was exposed a week ago?

She is going out of town for work at a conference next week. This is the same conference where the whole EA started a year ago and as far as I know, he will be there. Therefore, I have no way of knowing what they will be up to.

I haven't been as strong as I want to be. I'm asking what she needs and wants from me so we can move on and all I get is a blank stare and "I don't know."

Is this normal?

She is very angry about her affair being threatened. She does not want her 'crack pipe' taken away. She may try to patch things up with the OM at the conference.

Can you go to the conference too? Tell her it will be an opportunity to talk. Maybe you can get OMW to go with her hubby?

Just my .02

Yes this is normal. But I have some bad news for you.

I don't think his wife knows at all. I think his brother (if it really is his brother) is feeding you BS. You MUST speak (as in on the telephone or in person) to make sure that his wife truly IS getting the message.

More bad news, if OM was picking up prostitutes while he was involved with your WW, there is more to their story than what you've been told. They HAVE had sex and probably will again at this convention. Do you honestly believe that they have carried on an EA ONLY for a YEAR? Honestly?

Tomorrow is Monday. You have two important phone calls to make (1) to OMW's until you get through and (2) to their job. You are missing two critical opportunities for exposure that have the most potential for blowing this up.

You said you read "Surviving An Affair"... go back and reread it.

While your WW is actively involved (i.e., working) with OM, there is NO possibility of recovery. There just isn't.

Step one in this whole mess is a COMPLETE exposure. Sorry, OM's brother is not to be trusted. He and OM could be laughing at you behind the scenes. Make sure you are getting the truth.

I would do this BEFORE she goes to that convention.

For now, don't discuss ways to make your divorce amicable. She needs to know that you will do whatever is necessary to protect your family. You don't do divorce. Let her know that divorce will not be a pretty picture. You will NOT remain friends. You WILL file for custody of the children. You will cross-file for divorce based on adultery, which will include bringing the OM into court to testify about his role in the destruction of your marriage. You will NOT make divorce "easy".

Same thing with OM, he needs to know that continuing to mess with your wife will bring hell to his life and then do it.

No more discussion about selling the house, etc. She wants a divorce, then she needs to do the work, and you will fight her every step of the way. Your children are worth it even if she doesn't think so.

I cannot go to this conference, I have to watch the kids.

Can you take them with you? Get family to watch them? This conference is a critical point, BX. And are you sure it's really a work conference? Have you independently verified that? Your WW may just be going on vacation with her AP.

I watched her open the Fedex Saturday that contained her itinerary, flight info., and meeting agendas. All were labeled from ger home office and everything was branded with her company name and the slogan of the conference. So yes, I am confident this conference is real.

So you know for sure where she's going to be. Good! Now, can you take the kids and go as well?

Unfortunately, I can't make it. Two kids at home and can't afford to fly them (and me) across country.