To me, my xw will always be the mother of my daughter.
I don't spend any time with my ex, she has lived in another city since we split up and my daughter has lived with me until she bought her own house with her partner.

What I don't do is spend time bad mouthing her mother. I even encourage my daughter to visit her mother and let her use my airpoints to do so.

A photo of us would simply be a foto of biological parents.
It would seem very strange to me if I had a gf/wife that was uncomfortable with me having a photo taken with my daughters mother. I need someone that is more secure than that.
Certainly if my new wife had a foto of her son and ex, it wouldnt bother me in the slightess.

JMO

JackBlack -

You summed it up better than I have done - I was getting so frustrated that I was not getting my point across. I could not seem to articulate that a photo of the exes with their children is just that - a photo of biological parents - and not an effort to "pretend" that it is anything more than that, nor do I feel that agreeing to take a photo with one's ex and their children and doing so is a cruel attempt to allow the children to foster unrealistic expectations of a "fantasy family". Doesn't bother me in the least when at these events (weddings, graduations) my BF of 6 years takes a photo with the mother of his children, along with the children - I'm secure enough to understand that they will be parents to these children forever. It doesn't bother me in the least that we attend these functions together along with his ex-wife, and as a matter of fact, I'm grateful that the my BF and his ex can manage to sit through the function together and behave like adults. Do they sit at the same table? No. Do they chit-chat? No. But they are able to enjoy the child's special day. What a shame it would be if one parent would have to miss the child's celebration because they couldn't put the child's interests first.

If it makes others and the original poster uncomfortable, by all means say so and open the dialog with your BF or new spouse. When I posted my response at the beginning of this thread, I was trying (and apparently I did not do a good job of it) to show another side to the issue, and that in my case, I didn't find the situation to be a big deal. In subsequent responses, I've been told that I'm selfish, living in a fantasy-land, and a bad girl for understanding that in the dynamic of exes and children, that I didn't find a photo to be a deal-breaker at all. I find it to be a simple photo - that's it. In my case, the photo will be a lasting memory for the bride of a photo of her entire biological family celebrating HER special day - not some ill-fated fantasy or attempt by her on her wedding day to reunite her mom and dad after 12 years of divorce, or the bride "pretending" that they are still the happy family. I also don't feel that the bride was selfish or being unusually cruel to me by asking for that one single photo - and it did not make me uncomfortable. But that's just me - apparently others feel that this situation would be simply unbearable - and I get it. If you find the situation untolerable, remove yourself from the situation.

I guess it's all in the way one interprets the situation. I choose to accept it for what it is - a simple, non-relationship threatening photo for the sake of the bride on her special day, and the graduate at the celebration of her accomplishment.

It has nothing to with insecurity, though. None of the people in my scenario are "insecure." It has more to do with acceptance of reality and maturity levels. As my 28 year old son noted, there is a new family dynamic now. Part of maturity is accepting that. It would be inappropriate for adult children to ask divorced parents to engage in such a pretense. And it sure doesn't help the adult child grow up.

Our culture tends to be enamored with pretense in situations like this and this viewpoint looks like more of the same.

p.s. do you mind if we get back to the subject at hand or did you just sign up to disrupt threads?

*************EDIT************

Huh. Jack's post looks like a direct answer to the OP. She asked for opinions. She's getting them.

If it is something that bothers her, fine. She uses POJA to resolve it like everything else. Or she walks away. Trying to convince her boyfriend of the error of his way by, for example, stating that he is not living in "reality" would surely be perceived as a SD and DJ. This is not an affair situation in which there is a bottom line. This is a subject that must be negotiated.

Let's get back on track and stop this disruption!

**edit**

As to the original poster's question, why not ask HIM? Ask him what the circumstances of the photo were and if you're unhappy with his explanation tell him so. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. Your feelings are yours and you shouldn't feel like you have to justify them to him or us. Good luck to you.

moderators note: back on topic, please!

One word to solve this: PhotoShop!

***********EDIT**********

Stop disrupting this thread with side arguments and get back on topic!

The topic at hand is do we take pictures with exes? The answers here (outside of the deleted ones that I don't know what they said) seem to be on subject in my estimation. We don't all have to agree, maybe sometimes people have to arrive at their own answers...after all, we all have different situations with our exes. Yes at an adult child's wedding, I have always been taught that etiquette dictates it's about the bride and groom, not the parents, etc. I don't think they'd enter any illusion it'd mean their parents would get back together. At any rate, my kids didn't elect to do this, so it's a moot point for me. If they had I probably would have done so but it would have been nothing more than a biological picture...I can't imagine them requesting that though because even though their dad and I get along with each other fine (now that we aren't married), his current wife is very insecure (not to infer that anyone who objects to this is insecure, there's all kinds of reasons for objections) and would NEVER stand for it, and I have always tried to respect her wishes and position as his wife.

I hope my 2 cents doesn't upset anyone, I don't want to be argumentative, I'm just voicing my opinion. For any other occasion, I can't even imagine having photos taken together. Why would you?

Actually, I think the difference would be if the parents divorced because of adultery. If someone has never been the victim of adultery, they cannot possibly understand the dynamic involved in a betrayed just seeing the person that betrayed them, much less having a photograph made with them. IMO, an adult child who does not understand this, is a child who wasn't taught that adultery is wrong and probably hasn't been told the true circumstance of their parents divorce.

One of my relatives walked out on his wife of 25 years (and four almost grown children) and moved in with another woman (who he met on a business trip out of town by the way). We were all shocked! It was so far out of character and with absolutely no warning. He was the last person on earth that we ever thought would do this.

He and the OW broke up and he and his wife eventually got back together. Unfortunately they didn't have the tools to really recover so they ended up divorced. (I wish I'd known about MB back then, I would have sent them to MB in a heartbeat.)

Both parents have since remarried and although a lot of time has passed, his children have never completely recovered their relationship with their dad. He is invited to weddings and special events and sometimes their mother is there. However, these adult children would never dream of asking their parents to pose in a photo together. They get it. They saw and paid the ultimate price of adultery and their family will NEVER be the same no matter how much time passes, or how many photos are made.

Haven't been on the board in a while and I haven't read this entire thread, but the only "family picture" I've been in with the ex was at my son's wedding. WXH stood on one side of the couple and I stood on the other. One photo and that was it.