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Originally Posted by atena
[
I think the thing that bothers me the most is his attachement to OW. Was he an a$$ h@le only with me or is it the way he eventually becomes with every woman?

Do you seriously think he agreed to give up all his opposite sex friendships for his affair? I bet he even dates other people and drives her insane. That man made you miserable for years and he is much more likely to make her miserable since she is a short term relationship. As soon as she gets upset with him, he will move on.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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It would be quite incredible if he became a saint while with her. I guess from the looks of it he seems to be into her quite a bit. But again, he is not stable emotionally and is always on the look for something better if it comes along.
I think he is cake eating with her. Keeping her on the hook so that she can drive him around, offer him the use of her home with internet and free meals and of course sex and companionship. Then he goes home to his place and does what he pleases. Not bad at all.
That's the life he wanted all along and he must have been very unhappy being a father and a husband when his urge was to actually be free to do what the heck he pleased.
blessing


atena
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As with most women she will be driven crazy by her renters outlook. And it will be even worse with her than it was with you because he won't marry her. There will be no pretense of permanence. And with her, he doesn't have to even hide his other women.

You and I both know he is not going to change. And she already knows what a lying sneak he is. She knows she can't trust him out of her sight.

Do you miss that part? I seem to remember for the past several years that you weren't too thrilled about the lying, sneaky part. In fact, he has made you MISERABLE ever since I have known you.

When you choose a new partner what traits will you look for?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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I truly think he is more a freeloader than a renter...renter is a compliment for him...

The first thing I am looking for is fidelity. and believe me I have been observing men who are in relationships with my relatives here in the states and they are all waywards. From the way they talk you can tell you can't trust these guys.
So # 1 thing for me would be no female friends, for sure.
I am also going to see that the guy uses his free time for productive things. Even if he does not have 3 jobs but only one...how does he use his free time? Does he engage in meaningful hobbies and interests? Or is he just bumming around not really into much at all and bored....so that he gets into trouble by engaging with OWs and socializes with the "losers".....?
Does he really like me?Meaning does he look forward to being with me, spending time with me? Does he make plans to do things with me instead of waiting for me to make plans and then reluctantly tag along>>>?
blessing


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Originally Posted by atena
Does he really like me?Meaning does he look forward to being with me, spending time with me? Does he make plans to do things with me instead of waiting for me to make plans and then reluctantly tag along>>>?
blessing

Whoever it is had better treat you like the QUEEN OF SHEBA!! But we can help you with all this. The solution to all those problems you had in your last marriage is the POJA. Where you find solutions that make you both happy. And you could learn to spend 15+ hours per week together meeting the top 4 intimate en's. No opposite sex friendships, etc.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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My WH would have never agreed to POJA. He told me many times over he did not want me to tell him what to do and that he had to be free to have friends also of the opposite sex. And that I was obsessed with jealousy and fear that the worst possible things could happen in our M and so he said at some point:"see, your worst fears came thru didn't they?"
I will think long and hard before getting into another relationship and when I decide to do so it better be worth it otherwise I am perfectly happy alone....and I know this forum (and Mel) will help me skim thru the options that will come along my path...(if any).
blessing


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You need to let ME pick ya out a nice TEXAS MAN! grin Who can treat you like a queen and make you BBQ brisket! smile


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Yes! I need that especially the BBQ brisquet, those italian relatives here do not know how to BBQ!!!

I just received this email from a friend who knows WH very well (I am about to go visit brother in law to use their car and I am a bit concerned about them talking about WH...):

Atena , It is fine to ask them not to talk about WH . No point in it . I am sure they will understand . Atena , WH is NOT being nice to anyone except himself !!!! The latest girlfriend has to run in circles to please him she has cast off her children , her life , she probably has to pay for things for both of them . The list goes on and on . He is NOT being nice to her I can guarantee that is it is all WH's way or the highway . Do NOT imagine it any differently !!!!!!! WH , is WH . it was NOTHING to do with you . You could have been a Martian or a famous model the outcome and daily experience would have been exactly the same . You just happened to be there . It was all WH . Honestly !!!


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Originally Posted by atena
The latest girlfriend has to run in circles to please him she has cast off her children , her life , she probably has to pay for things for both of them . The list goes on and on . He is NOT being nice to her I can guarantee that is it is all WH's way or the highway .

[Linked Image from i39.photobucket.com]

And since she is doing all that sacrificing, she will EXPECT alot in return. Extreme giving leads to extreme taking. And when nothing comes in return, she will start making demands and the fights will start. Soon enough, your H will be onto the next OW, if he isn't already.

How about a nice, tall Texas boy with boots and cowboy hat?? Maybe a white pick up truck with a shotgun in the back winder? laugh


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Sounds all very nice about the Texas looking man.,,but why the shotgun...to protect me??
flirt


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Originally Posted by atena
Sounds all very nice about the Texas looking man.,,but why the shotgun...to protect me??
flirt

of course!! grin


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
You need to let ME pick ya out a nice TEXAS MAN! grin Who can treat you like a queen and make you BBQ brisket! smile

And at what address does he reside? All the ones I know are already married (and probably looking), chewing tobacco, have lost most of their hair along with their teeth, unless they are all hunting in the woods? uhuh


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Are you in Texas, hope?

Another one???? faint


BW
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Originally Posted by hope3343
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
You need to let ME pick ya out a nice TEXAS MAN! grin Who can treat you like a queen and make you BBQ brisket! smile

And at what address does he reside? All the ones I know are already married (and probably looking), chewing tobacco, have lost most of their hair along with their teeth, unless they are all hunting in the woods? uhuh


Surely we can find a good old boy who will treat Atena like a queen. He can teach her to go squirrel hunting! laugh


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by SugarCane
Are you in Texas, hope?

Another one???? faint

Yes I have lived in this state for 5 years.
My XH lost his mind here. Must be something in the air or his pants. rotflmao


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
He can teach her to go squirrel hunting! laugh
And they say romance is dead... loveheart


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Originally Posted by SugarCane
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
He can teach her to go squirrel hunting! laugh
And they say romance is dead... loveheart

I would take you squirrel hunting too if you come for a visit!! laugh


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by SugarCane
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
He can teach her to go squirrel hunting! laugh
And they say romance is dead... loveheart

I can think of a better target than those little squirrels...


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Originally Posted by hope3343
Originally Posted by SugarCane
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
He can teach her to go squirrel hunting! laugh
And they say romance is dead... loveheart

I can think of a better target than those little squirrels...

rotflmao You are a badass, hope! Just for that, you are cordially invited to go squirrel hunting with me, atena and Sugarcane! laugh


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by hope3343
I can think of a better target than those little squirrels...
Remember what Carrie (Sex and the City) says: squirrels are just rodents with cuter outfits. Have you really lived in Texas for 5 years without ever having hunted squirrel? faint

Let's go gettem, with ML and athena, hope!


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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