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Also, dr Harley has said unless a WH comes back on bended knee with hat in hand and willing to do whatever it takes, that you are wasting your time. And that is what you are doing, wasting your time. He either gets on board or he should be shown the door. Can I assume the same applies to a WW?
BH(Me)= 55 WW(Her)=43 DD=24 (My step-daughter, been raising her since the age of 8, SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!!) Married=13 yrs Together=16.5 yrs THIS IS MY STORYWW moved out of the home = May 1,2011 D-Day=July 4, 2011 Dear Wife: I'm COMPLETELY CRAZY about you!..... as of Aug-2012 forget that last part....Good Luck to you and GOODBYE!!"Mourn the woman she was. Know the woman she is."
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Ok wow, I will let you know if he agrees to all my terms. I didn't know there had to be so much remorse from the BS. The only unusual thing in our sitch is my previous EA, he is sooo angry.
Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)
He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11
Recovering MB Online!
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Also, dr Harley has said unless a WH comes back on bended knee with hat in hand and willing to do whatever it takes, that you are wasting your time. And that is what you are doing, wasting your time. He either gets on board or he should be shown the door. Can I assume the same applies to a WW? No, you cannot make that assumption.
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Also, dr Harley has said unless a WH comes back on bended knee with hat in hand and willing to do whatever it takes, that you are wasting your time. And that is what you are doing, wasting your time. He either gets on board or he should be shown the door. Can I assume the same applies to a WW? Oh no, it does not apply to a WW.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Ok wow, I will let you know if he agrees to all my terms. I didn't know there had to be so much remorse from the BS. The only unusual thing in our sitch is my previous EA, he is sooo angry. He is probably using your EA as a lightening rod for his own. As long as he continues to focus on your affair, he doesnt have to focus on his. You should not let him do that. Set the conditions, agree to EPs yourself, but keep in mind that your EPs are not negotiable. Give him time to get on board, about 30 minutes. If he won't, then pack him up and show him the door. I seriously doubt he will agree, though, because he is not serious in the least. He is playing games with you.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You keep referring to your previous EA.
Is there something specific that you did that brings you back to this condition?
But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams -Yeats
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Also, dr Harley has said unless a WH comes back on bended knee with hat in hand and willing to do whatever it takes, that you are wasting your time. And that is what you are doing, wasting your time. He either gets on board or he should be shown the door. Can I assume the same applies to a WW? Oh no, it does not apply to a WW. Then what is the MB expectation from a WW?........and why the difference?......is it just gender differences?
BH(Me)= 55 WW(Her)=43 DD=24 (My step-daughter, been raising her since the age of 8, SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!!) Married=13 yrs Together=16.5 yrs THIS IS MY STORYWW moved out of the home = May 1,2011 D-Day=July 4, 2011 Dear Wife: I'm COMPLETELY CRAZY about you!..... as of Aug-2012 forget that last part....Good Luck to you and GOODBYE!!"Mourn the woman she was. Know the woman she is."
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Have you ever read sexymamabear's thread? Her husband came home for a couple months but they did not really enter recovery, she didn't see any remorse........ that's what I am sensing here. He ended up moving out again for some months before finally hitting rock bottom and then they actually got to recovery.
What I am sensing is that you have prevented rock bottom, he is still entitled, I know you don't want to but you need Plan B.
Married 1/2000.
D-Day 3/7/11. WH moved in with OW and they married in 2013.
Single mom of 4.
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Have you ever read sexymamabear's thread? Her husband came home for a couple months but they did not really enter recovery, she didn't see any remorse........ that's what I am sensing here. He ended up moving out again for some months before finally hitting rock bottom and then they actually got to recovery.
What I am sensing is that you have prevented rock bottom, he is still entitled, I know you don't want to but you need Plan B. Thank you Mehr, I will reread the thread. I guess the level of remorse I want is BEGGING, but I am not seeing that. (is this a selfish demand by me?) I have seen tears, I'm sorry etc, but nothing dramatic. Tonight we have a sitter and we can talk through the list. If he can't be on board with the top portion (EP's) I will have to go to plan B. How are u doing? Congrats on school!
Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)
He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11
Recovering MB Online!
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Have you ever read sexymamabear's thread? Her husband came home for a couple months but they did not really enter recovery, she didn't see any remorse........ that's what I am sensing here. He ended up moving out again for some months before finally hitting rock bottom and then they actually got to recovery.
What I am sensing is that you have prevented rock bottom, he is still entitled, I know you don't want to but you need Plan B. I'm not sure if I read SMB's thread.....is there a link to it? Since full exposure my WW has just gotten more angry by the day!.....blames me for EVERYTHING. I see no remorse other than a brief "I was wrong" from a recent text message. Looks like I have to let her hit BOTTOM. Just like so many other stories here.....it's just tragic and sad. I Love her like no other.......but maybe Plan B is needed. Maybe it's time.
BH(Me)= 55 WW(Her)=43 DD=24 (My step-daughter, been raising her since the age of 8, SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!!) Married=13 yrs Together=16.5 yrs THIS IS MY STORYWW moved out of the home = May 1,2011 D-Day=July 4, 2011 Dear Wife: I'm COMPLETELY CRAZY about you!..... as of Aug-2012 forget that last part....Good Luck to you and GOODBYE!!"Mourn the woman she was. Know the woman she is."
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You keep referring to your previous EA.
Is there something specific that you did that brings you back to this condition? Hi, yes, broke contact with OM in April when I got a new phone and hadn't taken EP's to block his number. It was a brief text. My husband is constantly triggered by my affair because OM is famous in our sport and profession. My kids got his autograph the one and only time I ever saw him. (before the EA began) He lives on separate coast, so chances of seeing him are nil if I use EP's. I
Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)
He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11
Recovering MB Online!
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To clarify, husband is very willing to go to MC. He doesn't know the failure rate of MC. Is there any statistic I can show him? I know the MB plan works, but idk if he will agree to it. Any other plan he would accept, just prob. not MB in particular because of the exposure aspect. I will find out tonight I guess.
Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)
He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11
Recovering MB Online!
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 240
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Also, dr Harley has said unless a WH comes back on bended knee with hat in hand and willing to do whatever it takes, that you are wasting your time. And that is what you are doing, wasting your time. He either gets on board or he should be shown the door. Can I assume the same applies to a WW? Oh no, it does not apply to a WW. Then what is the MB expectation from a WW?........and why the difference?......is it just gender differences? Also, dr Harley has said unless a WH comes back on bended knee with hat in hand and willing to do whatever it takes, that you are wasting your time. And that is what you are doing, wasting your time. He either gets on board or he should be shown the door. Can I assume the same applies to a WW? Oh no, it does not apply to a WW. Then what is the MB expectation from a WW?........and why the difference?......is it just gender differences? I am curious what the answer is as well. My husband has always been the more sensitive one etc. in our relationship. He couldn't even give me a hug during his affair, he was soo attached to OW. I guess a one woman (at a time!) guy. Grrrr
Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)
He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11
Recovering MB Online!
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Posts: 240
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So I forgot to mention we are moving full steam ahead with our move out of state (it was put on hold during his affair, tho he continued to work part time for franchise) that in itself is HUGE. I don't know if he will ever be the type to come to me on bended knee, too much pride and anger because I strayed 1st. Tonight when we go over our lists, EP's; what are the 3 most concise reasons for the No Contact letter? I absolutely require it, but I don't want to get tongue tied when I explain it. Thanks.
Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)
He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11
Recovering MB Online!
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Then what is the MB expectation from a WW?........and why the difference?......is it just gender differences? Yes, a wayward man and a wayward woman react and recover very differently from an affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So I forgot to mention we are moving full steam ahead with our move out of state (it was put on hold during his affair, tho he continued to work part time for franchise) that in itself is HUGE. I don't know if he will ever be the type to come to me on bended knee, too much pride and anger because I strayed 1st. Tonight when we go over our lists, EP's; what are the 3 most concise reasons for the No Contact letter? I absolutely require it, but I don't want to get tongue tied when I explain it. Thanks. The reason is that you require it. IT is on your list of EPs and is not negotiable. That is besides the OBVIOUS reason for a NC letter, which I am sure you are fully able to explain. You don't have to EXPLAIN or justify your EPs.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Sweet...that works. No explanation needed.  So I guess to be fair, he wants to recover, (just not a very contrite person) that is why he came up with this idea to write lists of what we need from the relationship. He wants me to mend fences with his (crappy) family, no FB, twitter, limit texting, own my actions/words (i am aggressive), counseling, etc. I want to recover the MB way. Hopefully if he agrees to read SAA which is on my list, he will see it isn't crazy internet hocus-pocus
Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)
He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11
Recovering MB Online!
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Posts: 240
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PBL list has been discussed, clarified, explained (I gave him 2 samples of a no contact letter etc.) We met with a third party (friends) for accountability when we reviewed the list. Most of it is non negotiable and he is aware of that. So far so good, many are done or in process. It's been a long week, I am drained! I wish he would get it all done FAST but work, kids, summer sports etc. Hopefully this won't drag on and on....
Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)
He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11
Recovering MB Online!
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Recovery is going ok, I am trying to not LB, just ordered 5 steps to Romantic Love workbook. One of our biggest problems though is his family....they threw me under the bus during his affair. (They have very bad family values IMO) I have absolutely the worst relationship with them now and it is a huge LB for my husband, he is close to them. His dad is in a 15 yr relationship, not married, and has secret affairs. I have 0 patience and no respect for him. Ugh. Can't I put them all on the backburner and focus on US? I don't have the energy to fight 2 battles!
Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)
He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11
Recovering MB Online!
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So with personal boundaries established, all avenues of contact blocked, NC letter, new phone #, move out of state in near future etc. ec. Is it fair for my (formerly wandering) husband to insist on repairing relationship with his jerky family? He wants to smooth it all out before we move, but I am beyond hurt. It's strange I can forgive HIM, but not his family?! Also, I am curious about details of the affair now, which he willingly gives me. Does this do more harm than good? Specifically I want to now how many time he slept with her..is that nuts?
Last edited by TexasSun; 09/21/11 12:10 AM.
Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)
He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11
Recovering MB Online!
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