MM, if by separation you mean that they still both work at the same school and see each other at occasional meetings, you know that won't work, right? ARe you hoping he will fire the OM? That would be ideal, however, the responsibility for separation is your wife's. It is up to her to figure that out and she won't figure that out until you give her that condition.

She needs to know she has to end contact for life and she needs to make that happen. I fully expect her to tell you to go to hell the first time you say that, but as her affair crumbles she is going to realize you are the best option. That is why she needs to be told NOW you won't stay in this marriage unless she ends all contact for life.

MM, be a broken record. She thinks you will accept her on HER terms and she needs to be disabused of that notion now.

Got it - thanks.

Now might be a good time to hire an attorney and subpoena WW's HR personnel file from her job.

Provide the superintendant with 'motivation' ..... AKA fear.

I wouldn't have sent that "as is." While it would be nice if people cared about your marriage, your best way to set a fire under the Super/HR is to appeal to them on a legal/reputation basis. They will not want potential sexual harrassment issues...consent or not and they sure as heck don't want to be seen as tolerating adultery. Just look at the media for public outrage these days...they don't want that coming to their school...politics if nothing else. They will not want the PTA or parents finding our about the affair. Your WW is a counselor of all things.

While you can mention the moral issues and the marriages to "soften" up the tone of the letter (and I would include that myself), you don't want to not hit on the issues that will make them be concerned the most.

Wow.
Very interesting.

LINK to newspaper article from 5/12/11



Link to court document <~~~ sexual emails described paragraph 23.

If this article does not frighten the school super, what the hell will?

Wow, what a scumbag. The great harm he caused to that little girl's family. I am glad the school is being sued for such an egregious abuse of power. MM, if I were you, I would print that article up and leave it around for your wife to find. Let her take it back to the OM.

Print out the court document. (link was added while Mel was posting)
It's golden.

nice!!!

The BH is demanding a jury trial.
oooooooooooo
baby

All I have to say is wow.

YOU GO DUDE!

That screenshot of the IM'ing was on target! It shows 1)he is using preferential treatment towards your ww and 2)at the SAME TIME, it could be construed that if she doesn't put out for the OM Princip-ho, that he would give her a negative evaluation.

When exactly is her evalutation to take place. I think that it will be interesting to find out when her affair really began and when her last eval was..

You are shooting this affair down!

And maybe get that attny soon;)

You must immediately contact an attorney. You are dealing with serious legal issues with the Super. You will also have a lot more clout if he or she knows that you have engaged an attorney.
In addition, get checked for STD's. Your health and the protection of your daughter should be your number one priority right now. Good luck.

100% correct

Time to lawyer up.

You wouldn't show to a gun fight with a knife would you.

Well this supt and school board have lawyered up.

Getting an attorney to represent you AND your wife is a very Plan A action.
Be her hero.

It's a very subtle shifting of OM and your WW against you -- to you and your wife against OM and the school machine.

YES. Let the attorney do the talking. He can let them know that leaving this POS in a position of moral scholastic authority over minors would be an egregious act of neglect that would leave them open to potential further litigation.

Or lawyerly words to that affect.

Thanks everybody - will post an update in the am.

First thing I thought of, was that they worked at a high school, and the safety of the children also that are there. I was reading this thread, and peachys post matched what I thought too.

So a principal with none? Oh good that we took prayer out of schools I imagine being a counselor to teenage girls in this age, also left her open to tranferance and sympathtic emotions, that may have worn her down.

The last page is full of kudos to you, and that is rare, unless you earned them rightly, so I will believe that you are doing what is needed and have done the full exposure also, to protect the innocent, and are protecting yourself too.

Praying for you MM

Things at home are pretty calm right now. Very tense at times but calm. I�ve been able to maintain a confident, helpful persona that may not have a huge effect now but hopefully is planting the seeds for progress down the road.

The exposure phase is for the most part done. I�ve hit every influential person/organization with the message that I want nothing more than to save my marriage and the only way that has a chance of happening is for the affair to end and all contact to end forever. So now that exposure needs to do it�s thing.

I struggle with trying to reconcile what I see as three versions of my wife.
1. The Pre-A version - While things weren�t perfect, they weren�t miserable either. She was someone that I trusted completely and there was a lot of depth to our relationship. We have never had knock-down-dragout fights and I followed advice I was given during counseling before we got married. A big source of conflict before we got married was that when there was an issue I would try to fix it (talk, do things, pull info out) and what my wife really needed was space to figure it out & cool off.

2. The A version - This is where I get really hurt & angry - all the �how could she�s� just go round & round. All the things I read say that this behavior is not my fault and still I wrestle with how I could have done things differently. I do struggle whether I�ll EVER be able to get over this. I know I�m not in a position to make that decision just yet. It is clear as day how we got into this situation.

3. The Fogged Out Mad Version - This is what I�m dealing with now. The evenings seem to go ok & the mornings are full of anger from her. She is sleeping in a spare room on the floor. I suggested out be is a lot better and she said �no way - not until we figure out what we�re doing.� I suppose I�m a little concerned that her not moving out is in reaction to our daughter and as soon as she sees our daughter is going to be ok, she�ll have a legal separation ready. My efforts are to make this a great environment to live in so that at the very least our daughter is happy and WW will have good thoughts about it as she drives out the driveway should it come to that.
Each version gets processed differently in my mind even though it's the same person.

I�m not pushing for anything at the moment. Merely making suggestions occasionally.

This week I�m committed to focusing on me, my work, projects, health & well being. I have to let the exposure & the good things I�m doing at home do their thing.

What I want at this point is the opportunity to try the �text book� methods of reconciling. Everything about this predicament seems so �text-book� that I have hope that the proven steps to recovery will help us get to a much better place.

So I do have a question. After all these actions have taken place and we�re now getting to the long stretch where hopefully the drama will subside, what does a sign of hope look like? What does a crack in the armor of anger look like?