Hello,

This is my story and I need help and advice. Sorry this is a long post - the details are at the end of the post if you do not want to read the whole thing.

Thanks for your time and help.

I was in the 8th month of pregnancy when I found out of my husbands affair with a coworker in the beginning of Feb. We have a 5 years old kid as well. Initially he told me he has stopped contact with the OP but several months later I found out he has not and he has been lying to me. He has tried to end it many times, but the OP does not give up and my husband falls back in the trap. Its been 8 months now and things are getting worse. The OP is extremely persistent and constantly filling his head with [censored] about love and happiness and how he deserves to be very happy and his kids will be grateful and tell him how wonderful father he is one day. She managed to convince him that if there is ' no love' in the family its better for the parents to get separated so they both are happy and the kids are happy! So he is in a romantic affair and everything is about 'love'. Everything is falling apart around us - our family, our finances, his career...but nothing seems to make him stop the A.

I have been lied for the most of the time from Feb to now. I had 3 D-days, before the 3th H has rented an apartment and moved out.

In June he brought her home and told both of us he love us both but wants to fix the marriage. Then went to drop her and comfort her. While with her he called me and told me he will be 100% husband but wants to keep her as "his best friend". This was too much for me and I moved out, several days later came back home.

She is married, but wants to get divorced. She is on an assignment in another country right now and just comes back to fuel the fire from time to time, keep the drama alive... but calls him, texts him and emails him daily. I cant expose to anyone at her side - she is getting divorced, her family is in a different country. She is older, has no kids, has health issues...I have no clue what he likes in her

Two months ago he moved out of the house. He says he cares for me a lot and if I try to keep distance he immediately breaks it by being nice, acting nice, buying me flowers....but no matter what he wouldn't commit.
Initially he was saying he wants to fix the marriage, but for the right reasons (love) and has gone out to figure if there are "right reasons". He was telling me he wants to clear his head and basically acts as if he cares for me a lot, but does not love me the way he should and wants both of us to be happy no matter what...Now he is saying he is not sure he wants to work on the marriage, it has gone too far, he doesn't feel how he should feel for me, he wants to have true relationship with me, he doesn't want to be remorseful and be a second hand person all his life and say sorry all the time.

Basically he went out to be able to do whatever he is doing with the OP without feeling guilty and escape fights for not stopping the affair. He says he wants to dedicate on his job and his kids (he does not want her or me, but of course is keeping in contact with her). He is also saying that if he was with her he would have had her come back to our country and live with her. I have made a schedule so he sees the kids 3 times a week. He is getting crazy about the kids, wants to be with them all the time, gets angry if plans change and we have a lot of fights about how and when he sees them.
In this period while we were separated there were 2 occasions when he wanted to come home and fix the M. One time was when the OW came to our country and bought him a TV for his new apartment and I don't know why they had a fight and H was begging me to pick up the phone and told me he loves me and wanted to fix things. He was so enthusiastic...but the next day things were back to square one and he broke the NC promise.
The second time was after my 3rth D-Day I found their secret email account and somehow logged in. Understood that I have been lied for the whole time of another 5 months from April to August. He was lying to me that he was breaking it off, being rude with her, she was chasing him and calling him daily, that they speak only about work and nothing about love. I understood that he was lying that it was only EA and was also PA. Saw her naked pictures. Saw a picture of her bathing my baby and holding him as if he was hers. I even asked him does he really think she can be their mother (she has been sending him emails how she will take care of her 3 angels and 'will make their hearts smile all the time') and he said yes, but it was a mistake.

After I found those things I stopped any contact with him and he was told the next conversations we have will be in court. He went to his home country for a week I guess to sooth things down, came back asked me to pick him up from the airport. He was having heart problems in the airplane and acted like he is having serious heart issues and he needs to make 'Big changes in his life'. Whatever... I picked him up from the airport and he asked me if he can stay home. He stayed for a week when he decided 'something is missing' and left us again and went to his apartment. When I asked him why he came back home he said he was proud of me....
I told him I give him a week to decide and he still did not want to make a decision so I spoke to his boss finally

Initially I have exposed to my parents, his parents, some friends and finally few days ago at their work...not fully exposed but showed the letter I have prepared to his boss (who is also his friend). He told me if I send this letter officially both of them (H and OW) will get fired plus the company might sue my H. He spoke to my H and told him to either fix his [censored], or he will have to fire him. If he finds out this is still going on both of them are fired. I do not want to hurt his career, I do not want to 'punish' him or 'destroy' him. We have lots of loans and his good job is the one paying for those. I am not planning to send the exposure letter, for now I am happy that they have been warned and they will be scared to communicate at work.
So now my H is pissed off like hell. He is asking me what do I want. Do I want to force him loving me. He can come home and will stop contact but he cannot promise that he can love me....He feels I am blackmailing him to come home. I told him all I want is him to consider me and stop walking over me. Told him if he wants so much to be with the OW to divorce, if not - he breaks up with her. There is no way he can be married and continue this A and in the same time have quality family time. Ok, he draws me out of the picture he just wants time with the kids.... He also asked me if he divorces will I still send the exposure letter. He is telling me stuff like I will blackmail him with sending the exposure letter all his life if he doesnt do the things I want....Whats up in his head I do not know. He is extremely scared for his career, not to mention all our loans. If he gets fired he wont be able to get such a good job.

I know most probably it will be like in a war field for a while until his anger calms down. I know I will have to do plan A....I just don't know if I will be able to. After all these lies, empty hopes, so much trying for nothing....I just don't have the strength anymore to pull up my emotions and not to attack him and be nice with him. Every word he says, every action he does, every single thing is triggering my hate for him for allllll the [censored] he is been doing to me for so long. I need help, I need advice.
He has been having sex with her while I was pregnant and then having sex with me...with no protection. He has been having sex with her when our baby was born and I was still not physically ok for a while and I had my mother helping me out while he was acting busy and stressed at work and coming home late in the nights. One part of me misses 'the old' him so much. We used to be very close, we used to enjoy each other so much. I have so many good memories with him. Then all these things he did....he is not even remorseful I feel like I am fighting useless war. Some times I feel that the moment he comes and wants me back I will not want him anymore and will just want to punish him for all he did to me. Anyway I love him, I love the guy he used to be, I hate the person he is now and the way he threw all our past in the garbage. One part of me wants him desperately, another part feels what he has done can never be forgotten and forgiven and may be I will be better on with a new beginning. Anyway the kids are so young its best for them to be with their mother and father. If we go the D path I know I will hate this person and will never want to have anything to do with him...that will be bad for the kids as well.

All this time from me he wants to accept he doesn't want to come back to the marriage, accept he can do whatever he wants with the OW, do not file for a divorce and in return he will be there for me to help me, take care of me and the kids financially and in any other way all the time.... He even said something like when we married he promised to love me and take care for me forever, for some reason he could not do the first but he will make sure he does the second. I told him for me there are only 2 paths - he comes home, stops contact and we try to repair our marriage or we get legally separated.

The long story short:

-D-day 1- 5 Feb 2011. I was 8 month pregnant. The A has started on 20th of Jan 2011, but they have been getting close slowly over time for about a year ago.

-D-day 2- April 2011

-D-day 3- 5 August 2011

-Have been separated for close to 2 months from June to August.At the end of August H came back home for a week trying to go NC with the OW and fix the M, but couldn't make it.

-I exposed at their work on 3th of Sept. H was warned to either stop this or they both get fired. He is very pissed off with me for me screwing his career and speaking to his boss. Wants to come back home cos ' he has no other choice and is being blackmailed by me'.

-We have been married for 8 years, been together for 12.

-we have 2 boys - one 6 month old and a 5 year old.

-He is 33, I am 29

-This is his first A, I have never had an A


I will really appreciate any help and advice as I am so lost here.

Livensi,

First of all welcome and I am sorry for your situation, I know you are hurting especially being pregnant, I hope you are taking care of yourself the best way you can these days........
Your husband is still in an active affair, and that has to stop before you can even think about any kind of recovery.
You have to be strong right now if you want to save your marriage, what is happening is not going to help, he will never chose if you do not stand firm and make him.
Since he is already moved out, I would send him a Plan B letter there are lots of examples on this site to help you and lots of help tweaking it for your situation.
Basically you have to say to him that you cannot continue the marriage when there is 3 people in it.........that unless he agrees to No Contact for life with the OW then you have nothing to discuss with him, I know you will be scared to do that but right now he is having some of his needs met by you and some by her, if you cut your side off he will have to have all his needs met by the other woman and he will soon learn that she cannot provide that, because you see he has never imagined you ever being completely gone, he is trying to figure out how to keep both of you.........don't let him do that.....
Even if you lose him for a time, he will come back to you when he figures out what he is going to lose, his family the life he had known.........Reality will hit that Fantasy world he has going on...........she will pressure him and he will see her for what she really is.....warts and all that is what you want.....
I say expose the affair to everyone you know his family, your family, friends, work place and her family, husband, everyone it is hard to have an affair when everyone is watching, he will be mad, you will cause trouble between them that is what you want................get them fighting ........
It is your only chance, what are you going to do sit back and watch her take your life, the vets here can help you put a good plan together..........don't do anything until you have your plan in place, do not tell him what your plan is, you will be afraid, but what do you have to lose, he is gone now if you want him back you have to fight...........
In the meantime always look good, smell good, and just be firm with what your boundaries will be......you start driving this bus instead of him......
If he gets mad so what you two can survive that but not if he had the OW in his life the plan is to get rid of her................not to hurt him...remember that, you just keep saying you will do whatever you have to in order to save your marriage....over and over again.........
Tell him your family is worth whatever you have to do if he is mad tell him you are sorry he is mad but he left you with no choice, tell him you love him and when he has come to his senses you are willing to put together a plan for recovery........
You may lose him for a little while, it always takes a bit of time for WS's to come to their senses...........
Go dark Plan B, let him feel what is will be like losing you and his life, go get legal representation..show him you mean business.......remember anything at any point can be reversed..........
She can not be in his life in anyway........
Right now you have to be the strong one since he is so lost, he is not rational remember that.........
Until then lean on friends and make sure you take care of yourself and your baby, that is what is important right now......
jess........stay here for the help................this is a great place.

livens, why can't you expose to her family? Does she have a facebook page? And what about exposing to her employer?

My suggestion would be read up on Plan A and Plan B and plan to file for divorce so you will have legal separation. His affair is extremely traumatic for you and will affect your mental health if it hasn't already. check this out: What are Plan A and Plan B?

livensi, Welcome to Marriage Builders. I'm sorry your circumstances have brought you here.

Your WH will not be able to end this affair until he ends contact with the OW permanently. Do they still work for the same employer? Tell me why you say he's ruined his career.

One of the most important things you need to do right now is to expose the affair to anyone who can help put pressure on both of them to end it. That includes your parents, his parents and your child. More important - it is IMPERATIVE that you inform the OW's husband about what the two of them are up to. Whether or not they are divorcing is immaterial. Her husband needs to know. The chance is that there is no divorce in the works for them - OW may be telling your WH that to push him to leave you. THEN she would divorce her H. Her H may have no idea that anything is even wrong in their marriage. This is very common in an affair. In my sitch, my H told his AP that our marriage was over. HA! No one mentioned that to ME!

You also need to inform their employer - contact the HR dept., their supervisor, the President or CEO of the company and the corporate attorney.

This may sound counter-intuitive for you, but exposure is your best bet to kill the affair.

So sorry you are in this predicament, Livensi. I agree with what Jess has said. The only way to get your WH to wake up from this madness is to stop letting him have both you and OW. You simply cannot fix a marriage with an active affair going on, no matter what you do!

The thing you are missing here is respect: showing respect for yourself so that your husband will respect you as well. Why would he respect a woman that allows her husband to see someone else and still acts like she'd do anything to keep him? He is cake eating because he can. He won't "choose" because he doesn't have to.

Can you expose the affair in their workplace - to OW's boss? I can't imagine the company your WH works for would appreciate this going on in their place of business! Also, whether the OW's family cares or not, I would expose to them as well. Part of the attraction of an affair is because it's clandestine and "romantic". Shine the light on it and it may become a lot less attractive.

Livensi, you are going to have to put your fear of losing WH aside and decide to get tough on this affair! Know that you are worth more than this: you don't have to put up with having this man treat you like an option rather than his wife!

What have you read so far on the subject of marriage and infidelity?

Focus on you and the baby...making your lives into something great, regardless of your WH. Take care of yourself, physically and mentally. Try to do some things just for you - things that make you feel accomplished and worthwhile. Infidelity sucks the self esteem right out of a person and you need to find your self worth again!

Thank you for the answers. For some reason my previous post was half cut so I edited it and fixed it.

Few days back I have exposed to their boss who told him to either fix the mess, meaning come back home and stop the A or they will both get fired. So now my H furious and is feeling blackmailed by me to come home and has already moved stuff back home. Please read the rest of my post above I have just edited it.

Thanks

livens, this one is not hard. Get the book Surviving an Affair ASAP and read it. The plan you should be in is called Plan B. That is a completely dark separation. I would get prepared for that now. You launch this by sending him a Plan B letter telling him not to contact you until he meets certain conditions.

He must end all contact with the OW - which means he has to LEAVE THE JOB - and commit to a program of recovery. Until he does those things, he should have no direct contact with you whatsoever.

It is not enough that his boss knows about the affair, he has to LEAVE that job in order to recover your marriage. Business contact is contact and your marriage will never recover that way.

Any communication can go through an intermediary. And it can only be essential communication concerning finances and child visitation. Change the locks on your house so he can't come in.

I would also strongly advise you to file for divorce and get legal protection in place so he continues to support you. File for divorce and then drag your feet.

Here is another link that can help you prepare for Plan B. here

livens, I would not allow him to move home until he has ended his affair. And he has not ended it if they still work at the same company. If he comes home he will just drive you insane with his affair. I would not allow him home under those conditions. Dr Harley recommends that a woman do what we call Plan A [trying to negotiate an end to the affair] for about 3 to 4 weeks ONLY. Anything beyond that is deleterious to her health.

Have you posted here before? You seem very familiar with Marriage Builders concepts! As far as Plan A, I would do that from AFAR for a couple of weeks while you get all your ducks in a row to do Plan B.

Here is the letter from SAA [a copy with a note should also be sent to the OW]

My Dear Sue,
I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair with Greg possible. I foolishly pursued my career without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me most, and we are now both suffering for my mistake.

I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past and create a new life for both of us that meet your needs. But I cannot do that until you end your relationship with Greg once and for all.

Until then, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. I will also not be able to help you financially. Our friends Jane and Paul have agreed to help make arrangements for you to visit the children whenever you would like. But I will not be here when you visit. If you want to communicate about the children or any other matter, it will have to be through Jane and Paul.

I ask you to respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your relationship with Greg, and I simply cannot be with you any longer, knowing that you are with him. I still love you but I cannot see you under these conditions.

As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from Greg and are willing to follow the measures that were suggested to ensure total separation, I will be willing to discuss our future together.

I want us to be able to rebuild our marriage someday. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We need to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never again be a reason for us to separate. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you as my best friend.

I loved you when we married and I continue to love you right up to this day. I just cannot be with you or help you as long as you are seeing Greg.

With my love,
Jon

Pg 81
Dear Skankyhola, I love WS with all my heart and am willing to do whatever it takes to make him happy. I will wait for him to give me that chance.

Hello,

Thanks for the advices.
My H is mad, that I 'tried to get him fired' and he lost a good friend (his boss). He came back home, he is very angry, he was not speaking anything the whole day until everything just poured out in the evening and became one of the worst fights we have had so far. I know I can't keep my emotions anymore, Plan A just went down the drains....its just impossible


MelodyLane I have been reading here for a while, but have never posted. Never did plan A or B, all this time I was thinking we r in R. I do not know how to do plan B with the kids. He wants to see them all the time, not to mention I really need help with them. I guess I will somehow manage without his help, but we live alone, Who do I ask to be there for me daily to give him the kids...
The OW is in the same company but in a different country on an assignment. Until now they were using office phones and chat system to communicate daily. Now it wont be that easy anymore, but I guess if they want to they will find their ways. My H is really scared for his career and his job I hope that puts some sense in his head.

Ok now the situation is like that. He is home, angry, telling me that even though he was away he wanted to always be next to me and help me out, and he was always available if I needed anything - and its true. Now he is telling me he is done with me and will not help me in any way. He will build everything from scratch but just for himself. He is telling me this is his apartment and if I want to move out I should move out, he is not going anywhere.....He told me I need to get a job, cos he is searching for a new job that wont pay him so much (I am on maternity leave).

I am really physically and emotionally exhausted from this. I see no chance for this M anymore. This person is so deep in the fog that he doesn't see things the way they are. He has started dragging me in the fog too. I started doubting myself and our history after all these nasty things he is saying.
I am thinking of seeing a lawyer and may be starting the D. I am so down and miserable with constantly thinking of him, his lies, his betrayal, I think I am better when I am alone, although I miss him so much.

Sorry you are in this situation.

Seeing a lawyer is always a good idea. You do not want him to start spending your life savings on this other xxx.
Also he can tell you if you can get him to leave the house.

Look, he is living in lalaland. He thinks he can live at home and see you and the kids as often as he wants and still have this 'romantic' relationship with another woman.

Try to read about the carrot and stick of plan A:

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...flat&Number=2400725&#Post2400725

Of course you cannot be the ideal wife to him if he is being so extremely nasty to you. You have just had a baby. That is enough to knock a woman of her feet in the best of conditions. But you may still be able to go on for 2 or 3 more days of trying to dress as nice as you can and be a good mother to the kids. Maybe you can even put on a cheerful face and try to ignore his verbal abuse as good as you can. And if you succeed in cooking a good meal (you can order takeout secretly, who says you don't get to cheat a bit ;-)

Than you have done a wonderful plan A. He will probably not let you show admiration or affection anyway. In the mean time we will help you put together a most romantic plan B letter. Put in a fond memory of the old days and how you fell in love and such.

In the back of his mind he knows that you are the better person. He just doesn't want to see that right now, because it would mean he is a cruel low-life bxxxrd cheating on his pregnant wife with a trashy OW. Anyway, how long do you think that will last? Of course she is lovey dovey to your children, because she knows nothing melts the heart of a man than a woman being nice to his children (that's why men tend to run of with the au pair, not with the tax consultant). And loving the children and maybe take them for a little walk to collect flowers or whatever - you can do that a lot better than the OW. He will get tired of her health problems, believe me and then he will be thinking fond thoughts of you.

Put in that last sprint, talk to the lawyer and then blast him with the plan B letter and go dark. After that he can have his sceduled time with the kids through an intermediary. No need to make this easier for him. And ask the lawyer if you can try to prevent contact between children and OW.

God bless you,

Happyheart

That sounds like a good idea to contact a lawyer. I would file for divorce, get him out of there and then go into a very dark Plan B. Thats about the best option I see here.

I'm sure you know this, Livensi, but it always helped me when I was reminded that half of what my husband was saying and doing while he was wayward was total BS. Your WH will say and do anything to make all of this your fault. Anything that appeases his guilt is logical to him - it's all justification and rationalization for his actions.

Don't let him twist your mind to believe this crapola. Don't let him make you feel guilty for his career or anything else that is not right in his life. You're the scapegoat here while OW is his "hope for happiness in the future" because with her, he can pretend his shortcomings don't exist.

I think you have to find a way to show him you are going to be happy and healthy no matter what he says or does - for your own sake. That's where your "motivation" for any further Plan A should come from: within you - not FOR him.

But yes, it sounds very much like time to go dark with this man.

Quote

He is cake eating because he can.

Very true. Why do you put up with this livensi? Do you enjoy being treated like someone's second option? Your husband is going to continue to better deal you, either with this woman or another.

Quote

This is his first A, I have never had an A

How do you know that? I'll bet money that it isn't his first A and it probably won't be his last unless you change dramatically and stop acting like a doormat.

It's time to get an attorney and get a legal separation agreement.

Thank you for the support so much.

He says he has stopped contact with the OW and asked her not to call him anymore. Told her something like he cannot afford to be jobless. He says he will stop contact that's the best he can do, but he doesn't know if he wants to work on the marriage. I asked him how do I build my trust back on him and the answer is he doesn't care. He will just build his life, do the things that makes him happy and when the kids are big enough he will find his happiness.
I know that can't last and his motivation to be back in the family is wrong and wont work our. I am wondering if he really stopped contact should I go in Plan B or should I try Plan A for a while. I don't want to push him back in her arms. It's really hard for me to detach emotionally and not talk and blame (control my anger) and try to put sense in his head (which obviously does not work out).

You guys are right that I have enabled him doing this for too long. I have somehow been unable to believe that this nasty person he became is my husband and that the old guy he used to be wont wake up for so long.

happyheart - Thank you I will defiantly try the plan A for few days until I decide my next step on this. The way you have put it sounds pretty easy

SunnyDinTX - Thanks for reminding me that most of the things he says is crap and a way to justify his actions. I know that its true but when it hits you in the face you tend to forget.

americajin - I am sure 99% that it his first affair. This person used to love me so much and care for me as a queen. Believe me there is no way he could be like that and in the same time be in an affair. And this makes it so hard for me to believe my eyes. We had a pretty rough 1 year or so before the A, and this is when things have changed between us. I know my mistakes in the marriage, I know I have pushed him too much. I also know that this does not justify his affair.

Livensi, you have identified yourself that WH is not motivated to work on the marriage. He has blown NC before, and does not seem committed to it this time around either. If he was serious about NC, and remorseful for his actions, the best he could do would be a lot better then what he has done in the past or is offering you now. Remember, with a wayward, actions speak louder then words... what EP's has he taken... from the sounds of it, none.

I agree with everyone else, Plan A while you get your ducks in a row, then poof, you're gone in a dark dark dark Plan B.

Livensi, I have bumped craziest things to come out of a wayward's piehole for some lighthearted weekend reading. If you haven't read it, do, it really reinforces just what rubbish waywards say. Always gives me a laugh, hope it works for you too.

But don't let that distract you too long from getting those ducks in a row for Plan B!

Thanks Caracal. I am going to start preparing for the plan B next week. We are going to go out for a weekend together to take the kid to an aqua park. Hope I can do some good plan A in these 2 days and not fight. After we are back will go for a lawyer and prepare my plan B letter. I am wondering how to get him to move out of the house. The other option is I pack the kids and myself and go to my parents house, but I feel more comfortable here.

Great opportunity for Plan A, it is a shame you couldn't return from the weekend AND THEN hand him the Plan B letter. But it is better to be organised and that will take a bit of time. Good luck with the weekend and enjoy it. But no AO's... keep reminding yourself you are the rational one with the strategy, WH has been abducted by an alien.

I'm not the best one to give advice on the legal aspects, others will help with that. But you are doing the right thing by getting legal advice. Your WH seems to have mentioned financial reasons for staying together quite a lot... use this to your advantage as much as possible. Plan B will show him the consequences of his affair, give him a taste of life wihtout you. Divorce is costly. WH needs to realise you will not accept his affair, he has a choice to make, he can not have his cake and eat it too. He may choose you, he may choose the OW, but he can not have both.

In your situation, with a young baby, staying in the house seems your best option. I have read a lot of posters simply change the locks, and arrange for family or friends to deliver his boxed personal items to where he moves to. And my understanding is your WH does not have the option of moving in with OW... Plan B may not wake WH up, it may not bring him back, but it will not be rosy for him! And it will remove you from the abuse of the affair, it is designed for YOUR recovery, not necessarily recovery of your marriage. That would be an added bonus though!

Make sure you choose wisely with an IM... under notable posts there is Melody's IM Training School, I had my IM read through this to understand more of the role and the potential hurdles she may face.

Plan B is not a sprint Livensi, it is a marathon... but as we continue training we become stronger and develop endurance!

It has been a good weekend. Me and H were enjoying time with the kids in the aquapark not communicating much with each other. He is still angry. It seems his boss asked either of them to quit. I am not sure but I feel the OW has either threatened my H or he is scared she will speak with the HR and accuse him - he was her manager. Anyway I don't know whats going on but I know they are still talking daily...so

I am going in plan B soon. I will see a lawyer by the end of the week and I will move on. This is my plan B letter. Will be happy if you help me out with it.

Dear xxx,

You are home, but you actually are not. You said I am blackmailing you. I do not want to blackmail anyone being with me especially my own husband and best friend of 12 years. The past months have been extremely devastating and hurtful for me and I believe it�s time I let go and start healing myself. In these 8 months you have showed me how unimportant I have become for you. How you have lost all your love, care and respect for me. Whatever the reason I am unable to live like that with the person that used to give his life for me and make me feel like the only woman on the planet for him. It hurts that the person you used to be seems to be gone and I really miss and want that person more than anything.


The past 8 months have started erasing from your memory everything good that we were. And we really were a good couple. The love that borough us together was stronger than anything. The happiness we have experienced together was so true. You are rewriting our history to make it look bad and justify you actions�.its not right. We were happy, we were enjoying each other, we were loving each other

You once wrote me this:

� .... i feel like closing my eyes and saying to you

i loved you the first time i saw you , i loved you even before i saw you , i love you when u smile , i love you when u laugh, i love you when u cry , i will love you when i live , i will love you when i am the wind�

�.and many more like this. Did you forget these? Did they not mean anything to you? They meant everything to me and I trusted them. These words were my truth and my reality. Now all these became a lie�and it hurts.

I know I have made mistakes in our marriage and life together, we both have. I am sorry for my mistakes and I would love to fix those and create a beautiful relationship between me and you. It would be the best thing for all of us � you, me and our kids. This is not going to be possible until you want it. It�s not going to be possible while you are still investing your emotions with someone else. This is not going to be possible until you end your relationship with this woman once and for all.


Until then I will stay away, avoid seeing you or talking to you. You can see the kids� every Tuesday and Thursday after work I will have my mother home so she can give you the children. If you want to communicate about the children or any other matter it can be done through xxx


I ask you to respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your relationship with this woman. I still love you and want you back but I cannot see you under these conditions.


I would love us to rebuild our marriage. To become these 2 people that we were for each other before. I want to be your best friend and be there for you whenever you need me. I want you to be my best friend. Just like before. I want us to rebuild our relationship so that everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never again be a reason for us to separate or hurt each other.

I loved you from the beginning of our relationship and I continue to love you right up to this day. I just cannot see you while you are still with this woman and knowingly hurting me.


With love,

xxx