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Originally Posted by LuvsDavid
I just can't tell when he is telling the truth anymore.


Don't believe you ever can tell. Double-blind studies have repeatedly demonstrated that a spouse can deceive 75% of the time without detection, while a stranger is very close to 50%.

Transparency is the only way. And that doesn't always come from his mouth. It comes from his actions.


Doormat_No_More
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the droid stinks! H is back to the blackberry now. it would hold the tracker, didnt record the calls. just a mess. drop ( yes from the window) the droid and get a new phone, it will make you feel better.


Me 44- yes ugggh
WH 47
together 26 years M 19
serial cheater big time
DD1 2.24.11
NC letter sent 3/7/11
NC letter to OW2 april
final truths 5/8-- all of them poly confirmed 5/18
working the plan

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LOL, I'm finally working from home myself now so I'm pretty much around him all the time now. I do feel better when I can be around him so he does not get "bored" if you know what I mean.

I love my droid but I will look into a new phone for him. Our contract on one is just about over so we can switch.


Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
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Okay quick question... does joining a bowling league count as UA ? I know it would cover RC But we are not alone. We went bowling tonight And really enjoyed it. Also no way I can be triggered.


Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
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Originally Posted by LuvsDavid
Okay quick question... does joining a bowling league count as UA ? I know it would cover RC But we are not alone. We went bowling tonight And really enjoyed it. Also no way I can be triggered.
I don't know that it strictly applies as UA time - this is more recreation. But this is a great thing for the two of you! H and I bowled for years and had a great time. Lots of good memories, lots of bowling stuff to talk about. I wouldn't call it UA time, but don't give it up - if the two of you enjoy it, pursue it!


D-Day 2-10-2009
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Thank you Marriage Builders!

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probably not ua time but the car ride, to and from does. are you in your own lane, then maybe? happy that you had fun!


Me 44- yes ugggh
WH 47
together 26 years M 19
serial cheater big time
DD1 2.24.11
NC letter sent 3/7/11
NC letter to OW2 april
final truths 5/8-- all of them poly confirmed 5/18
working the plan

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Going bowling together 100% absolutely counts as UA time. As long as you are paying more attention to one another than your bowling-mates!

FWW and I got into a similar discussion. We often go on double-dates. Does that count as UA time? Well, we have to make sure we're sitting next to each other, holding hands, and talking with each other at least as much as our double-date partners. So then, yeah, it counts.

But if you're going bowling and he talks to his buddies and she talks to her friends, then I'd say no, that ain't UA time smile

Remember RC is more the man's need, too. He's glad to have his wife there to show off. Having her with him when they're doing recreation deposits love units.

It's tough to have Intimate Conversation in a bowling alley, though, so schedule time just to talk over an ice cream or something afterward. And be very affectionate with one another while at the alley, particularly the man needs to remember to be the gentlemen, buy her drinks, help her with shoes, whatever he can think of to do to show that he's thinking of her while she's bowling.

UA time is ultimately what you make of it...


Doormat_No_More
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Our ENs are very simulator. RC and admiration are in the top 5 for us both. Which is strange since we both need admiration it would seem per Dr Harley that it would be easy to do but were are both still lacking.

I have put a dry erase board up with both of our top it 5on it and we check off the 2top that we feel lacking the most and we try harder to meet those for each other and we have both RC & AD checked.

It'd kinda funny because when taking the questionares, I had more "mans" needs and he had more "womans needs. I could care less about conversation as im a very quite person.


Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
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It has been a while since I have been here. NOw that my husband has been in Brazil for the last month he has chosen on the day of my son's birthday to ask for a divorce. Of course after haven gone through a month of hell before that. We were both im martial counseling. I am totally devestated again. I am picking him up from the airport in the morning and we are supposed to talk and he is getting his car. Any advice and help would be appreciated. I am unemployed and he rubbed that in my face as well. He is going to his parents house and stay. I am just so I don';t know. ADVICE PLEASE HELP

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Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
It has been a while since I have been here. NOw that my husband has been in Brazil for the last month he has chosen on the day of my son's birthday to ask for a divorce. Of course after haven gone through a month of hell before that. We were both im martial counseling. I am totally devestated again. I am picking him up from the airport in the morning and we are supposed to talk and he is getting his car. Any advice and help would be appreciated. I am unemployed and he rubbed that in my face as well. He is going to his parents house and stay. I am just so I don';t know. ADVICE PLEASE HELP

Do you have a thread we could post on in SAA? That way we can catch up on your situation.

cv


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Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
It has been a while since I have been here. NOw that my husband has been in Brazil for the last month he has chosen on the day of my son's birthday to ask for a divorce. Of course after haven gone through a month of hell before that. We were both im martial counseling. I am totally devestated again. I am picking him up from the airport in the morning and we are supposed to talk and he is getting his car. Any advice and help would be appreciated. I am unemployed and he rubbed that in my face as well. He is going to his parents house and stay. I am just so I don';t know. ADVICE PLEASE HELP
browneyedgirl, you have ignored our advice so far. What can we do for you now?


D-Day 2-10-2009
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Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
He is going to his parents house and stay. I am just so I don';t know. ADVICE PLEASE HELP


This is the perfect time to go into Plan B.

Go re-read 'Surviving An Affair' by Dr. Willard Harley & Jennifer Harley Chalmers. Focus on the Plan B letter. Be extremely cordial to him and meet his needs, but do not be willing to discuss divorce; keep changing the topic if he brings it up. Once he moves out to his parents house is a PERFECT time to:

1) Deliver a Plan B letter to him.
2) EXPOSE the affair to EVERYONE YOU KNOW, particularly those people who you think might have an impact on your husband (i.e. his parents). Let those to whom you expose know that he's moving out to pursue the affair without the guilt associated from living with you.

You might want to start option 2 immediately. Grab a cell phone and go somewhere away from home when you start making exposure phone calls to his relatives. Stay on-target with those you speak to to let them know that that you are exposing this affair to get help and advice from them on how to deal with it. Depending on how many friends/relatives you have, this effort may take all day. Pack a lunch, go to a good friend's house that your husband won't guess you're there, and expose like MAD for a full day!


Doormat_No_More
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wow, I come back to my thread and we are talking about plan B?
Just kidding.

Her original Thread here:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=164279&Number=2533226#Post2533226


Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
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I would have to go back and see if I can find the link to catch everyone up. I picked him up at the airport and was told that all he could offer me was friendship and he was not doing anything drastic. He is staying at his parents house and have not seen him since I picked him up at the airport. The situation was that we were going to counseling and up till the day he left the last time he was still texting the ow. As of now he is at his parents house and we are texting and have spoken to him on occasion. States he has a bunch of anger built up that he needs to get rid of and supposed to see a doctor phsyco md. I don't know at this point what to do with him and not sure how to proceed. I don't want to be used again. This last week was like it started all over again and the pain was too fresh. Any insight is appreciated. We were both going to counseling and now he refuses to go told me he was no longer involved with ow. I blocked her phone number from his but that does not mean much when you can buy a disposable phone and still contact her. Please give me some feedback on what I should do. I am truly lost at this point

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Just keep saying unless he is willing to give up the OW for good and work on a plan to save the marriage you can't be a part of this mess.....
Tell him it's up to him that you are willing but can't let yourself accept anything less then you deserve, you be nice and show him you can be who he wants to have in his life........
You need to keep yourself busy and exercise if you can, show him that unless he gets on board the life he knew will be over......
Hang in there breathe and know you are worth standing up for.........
Don't settle this is your chance to get it right for you...........he either gets on board or he leaves you alone......his choice, don't be afraid, not many affair partners actually chose the OP over the partner they have had, fantasy is fantasy, when reality hits that the true colours come out quickly......
When you aren't filling any of his needs any longer he will miss those and want to have that back, unless he has a chance to miss you he will continue to have both of you..........
stand firm but with calm and integrity..


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
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browneyedgirl, I have bumped your thread in Surviving an Affair. Please bring the posters up to date on your own thread so this poster's thread is not disrupted.


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How can I do that

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rotflmao

I am worth more that the ow that is for sure I have done some spying and found a prepaid cell phone that she has been texting furiously since the 10th of this month naughty I don't know who is on the other end of the phone. I am still exercising and have lost about 30 pounds we went to lunch and he told me I looked good. Im at the point of getting very angry because I am. Not going to text or call him anymore he does need to know that I will not be filling his needs. Thanks for the sage advice

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Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
rotflmao

I am worth more that the ow that is for sure I have done some spying and found a prepaid cell phone that she has been texting furiously since the 10th of this month naughty I don't know who is on the other end of the phone. I am still exercising and have lost about 30 pounds we went to lunch and he told me I looked good. Im at the point of getting very angry because I am. Not going to text or call him anymore he does need to know that I will not be filling his needs. Thanks for the sage advice


OK, PLEASE USE YOUR POST : HERE:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=164279&Number=2533226#Post2533226

I keep seeing responses to my thread and think I have someone wanting to talk to me.



Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
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Browneyedgirl, I have bumped your original thread again. Your thread is located on the Surviving an Affair forum.

If you are confused as to how to navigate to this forum, please click on this link and it will take you there: "Just Found Out Devastated"

Please refrain from updating your situation on other posters threads. This is my second request.


mbseasons@aol.com
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