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Joined: Oct 2011
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Before you Read THIS LETTER I wrote to some (I don't know yet everyone that my husband choose - but you MUST know that what he did to expose my emotional affair was VERY VERY DANGEROUS to publically humiliate your spouse - I don't know if we will survive this YET, I am still in prayer...but I do know that I am thankful I heard God's voice cause I almost ended my life...YOU MUST MUST be careful in choosing to do something that ruins your spouses life outside the marriage...not only do they have a failed marriage but EVERY relationship she or he knows is also TAINTED from your choice to HUMILIATE them...God has LAID this very heavily on me to post this (my husband will not share where he go the PROCESS to humiliate me as he did but God has laid a very heavy heart on me to share my story and to warn others DO NOT DO THIS!) I will post this on EVERY forum that I find... I was so thankful my church was not the one who gave him that advice, our pastor has seen 2 suicides in a case just like ours. I HEARD GODS VOICE, if I HAD NOT I would not be here to day to share this!

I am writing to all of you to share some sad, heart changing, amazing things. To begin with I don�t know who my husband *edit* choose to share our struggle with an emotional affair that I was involved with off and on for 6 months but I have chosen to share this with all of you. I am GUILTY of this and *edit* was lead by his heart to persecute me� when I say this it is because he chose to share the details of this with family, friends, co-workers and acquaintances of mine. By my actions he felt compelled by our God almighty to shame me into returning to him, hence saving our marriage. I pray that what he did will save our marriage � I am at prayer for that. I have always been a believer of Christ and was on fire for the Lord for a long time. I don�t know at what point that I went from having God visit me daily to me only speaking of his name and not feeling his grace. By not having God in our lives � the devil was able to enter and enter he did. You may choose not to read anymore but what you read may change your life and if you are not in a personal relationship with him you may find your way to the Lord our Savior, our Redeemer.

Before you read the rest of this story I want you to know I cast no blame on *edit* for his actions as he felt he was at his end with me and knew of no other way to try to keep me but by shaming me. *edit* and I have always appeared to be the perfect couple � we were till we slowly grew apart from one another we did not nurture and care for our marriage in a Christian manner, this is one reason why so many marriages end in divorce. This is NOT an excuse but it opened a hole in my life that allowed the devil to creep in and grasp a hold of. My �affair� started very innocently and preceded that way for sometime, in my mind. I sought conversations with this man for the purity of not having any conflicts with him, and he would cast no opinion on me. This should have never been happening as we as a couple should have been there for one another. As it flourished I began having feelings for this other man. I fought this battle in my heart and my brain for several months, as I would stop and say �what I am doing is wrong� but then I would �miss� having that friend of mine and he too would come back and contact me. I was battling my heart and had asked *edit* for a trial separation, he refused me. I thought once again I could make my heart click for him � it would not because God was not yet back in our marriage � I was shoving him away.

The day that *edit* sent out the letter requesting prayer for my affair that I was carrying on, I was away with my daughter at a swim meet. He had sought counsel on public humiliation of cheating spouses, as I have never heard of this, and I don�t believe he handled the information correctly however it opened a wide gate of hell not just for me but for *edit* as well. He stands strong by what he chose and this will be one thing that I will need prayer for, my shame for my actions. I was angry, hurt and felt betrayed by him as he did by what I had done. I know the hurt as I too was cheated on by my first husband, I know, how could I be put through it one way then do it onto him � I don�t have an answer for that but God was not around us, I had shut him out. With my anger it turned to self-pity � I wanted nothing more than to kill myself I could not bare the shame of what I had done. I am a strong woman but the pity was stronger. I attempted to end my life on Sunday with my hand gun I had it to my head and then visions of me being splattered all over the car for my children to see left me shattered�but I still had not come to God for peace. Monday I drove to *edit* to work and I cried and I tried to pray to God yelling my self-pity of my terrible act. nothing. I left work early because I could barely stand myself pretending to be fine. I went to my car and *edit* had called and he was the last person I wanted to talk to, I hung up, so I thought. I got in my car and I had been listening to Christian Radio Station and it had someone speaking, last name of *edit* is all I can remember. He was speaking of him and his wife and how they were Christians and said they lived in a Christian home but in all reality they did not. They did not pray they did not have a relationship vertically or horizontally with our Lord Jesus Christ�He continued to speak and he mentioned his wife�s name, it was *edit*�. and I yelled and cursed at the radio, I said �Really GOD� That is just coincidence is it not? As I was screaming at the radio station I had not hung up with *edit* and heard my desperation and the radio station channel as well. This gentleman had mentioned the book of Ephesians chapter 5 and I had my kindle with me (don�t do this while your driving as I did) and I opened my bible on the kindle to this chapter and began reading. I ended at Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. I felt that I too needed to end my life for my children, �why should I put my children through this shame when someone sees me they will see a cheater, a liar, a whore or insert word of your choice� �if I die, I will soon be forgotten and there will be no whispers��I drove down a lonely road off of *edit* Road close to *edit* to an area that had a lake I was going to drive my car into the lake since my husband took my hand gun away from me. Before I decided to take the final plunge I took a walk down a trail that was there, it was so cold on Monday afternoon. I wanted to think for a moment and remember my children and ask God to guide them at that moment I heard a voice commanding me to �lay down� right there it was an area with leaves and dirt but I heard it �Lay down right there� I did I could not stop crying out to God why have you punished me? I knew I had punished myself because of my choices. I yelled to God seeking forgiveness and seeking is grace God forgives and he commanded me to forgive myself for the choices I made. As I laid there the wind was blowing so strong and I could feel the holy spirit moving I begged for cleansing of my soul and mind he spoke �if all things are gone in this world I will yet remain� �For those who judge you they too will be judged�. I know some will say she is crazy, I have never HEARD the voice of our LORD audibly EVER I can safely say today that I have. As I lay there and felt the wind blowing it became so still that I shuddered. But the next thing I heard was �Get up and MOVE, MOVE and go tell your husband you love him�. Move my anger Move my heart and Move my marriage is all that heard on the way home that day. I do know that God moved me and he is still moving me. I know that this is only the beginning of what his plan is for me/my marriage/my family, but I do know that the beginning with God is the BEST place I can be. All things are possible through him.
Some of you might close this up and say �wow those people are c r a z y� and that is true. But I can tell you this I shared this story with you today because I know I am not perfect and I have never claimed to be. I also know that some of you to may be suffering from being separated from our Lord Jesus, or infidelity, or addiction, or whatever it is that is keeping you from having a relationship with Christ. My story MAY or MAY not touch you but if you have read this all and wondering �why did she just share all of that?� Because God put things in my life to MOVE me and I am so thankful that I heard his voice that day because my family would still be searching for me today. I will never NEVER forget his mercy he showed me and giving me the opportunity to grow in him again.
With all of these things that have happened I pray and continue to pray that *edit* and I can heal, I am and we will continue to grow in the Lord. I pray for all of you. And I ask for prayer from all of you and I am so thankful for Gods Mercy.

Last edited by MBSeasons; 10/19/11 08:14 AM. Reason: Removing identifying information
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Emailing mods now


FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
Recovered!
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No one is judging you but rather your actions. YOU chose to have an affair and YOU choose the fall out and consequences that happened after that. YOU publicly humiliated your spouse and daughter EVERY time you called the OM and betrayed the vows you made to your spouse, child and Christ. If your husband had not exposed your affair wide and far it would still be happening.

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If suicide is involved you need to contact 911


FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
Recovered!
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If you read her letter it is NOT a suicide letter but rather an attempt to bring light on the POV of the WS feelings of being exposed.

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HE SHOULD HAVE NEVER involved my WORK, EVER! Nor my childrens friends parents! My children now too feel ashamed...I am saying choose carefully who you expose it too...NOT everyone on Facebook 516 friends need to know... It can be devastating and not that I am making excuses it takes TWO to create a loving, Christ filled home...you can't do IT after the affair starts... And the one who is having the affair needs to FEEL the change of heart with in them if not IT WILL NEVER EVER END...

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You did the damage to yourself, don't blameshift, you had the affair, you caused your own public humiliation.


Me BW (37)
WH (37)
DD1 6 yrs DD2 2 yr

A man who abandons his wife and children because of his infidelity is no price. I can do better then that, I deserve better then that.

The difficulties and struggles of today are but the price we must pay for the accomplishments and victories of tomorrow

Men must be honest with themselves before they can be honest with others. A man who is not honest with himself presents a hopeless case
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Make no illusion, people already knew and already saw you for what you are. Your children are ashamed by your actions, not by the truth


Me BW (37)
WH (37)
DD1 6 yrs DD2 2 yr

A man who abandons his wife and children because of his infidelity is no price. I can do better then that, I deserve better then that.

The difficulties and struggles of today are but the price we must pay for the accomplishments and victories of tomorrow

Men must be honest with themselves before they can be honest with others. A man who is not honest with himself presents a hopeless case
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 76
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Uber foggy WW who's trying to scare people into not exposing. Trying to say the exposure caused humiliation when, in fact, her affair did. Blameshifting, anyone?


Me: BW
WH 41 (practicing alcoholic)
Married 20 yrs
DS20, DD15, DD9
Too many D-Days to account for, more FRs than I care to admit
NC since 03/11, broken 04/11
NC again 07/11 broken 12/11
Plan D full steam ahead, made WH leave
WH now living with his "soul mate" (we call her donkeychui) 1/13/2012
D filed 01/25/2012
D final 05/15/2012
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 835
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Would you like some help?

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welcome,

I think you are here now, take the time to read the material and some of the posts here and keep an open mind, know that what your husband did was to stand up for his family ............If he hadn't you would still be in your affair, you wouldn't have stopped until your family was destroyed........

I suggest you two work together and put the affair behind you and work on putting your family back together with God in your life, God forgives and it looks like your husband can as well, You both need to forgive each other for the marriage not being a loving one .......you both made mistakes........

Ask yourself what you are getting out of all this now.......is this where you want to spend your time............who ever you are emailing this to will decide on their own what they think is right based on their own morals and beliefs..........
Most of us were raised with the 10 commandments and that is what guides us through life...............you might be surprised at the outcome of this email.

I think you are one of the lucky ones, the affair will be hard to keep with the exposure now, you will have to be accountable from now on, this gives you an opportunity to work on your marriage without any outside interference......
Your husband still loves you and is willing to give forgiveness......

Your choice is divorce and not having a family or marriage or you stop all this and get on board and chose to be that woman that choses to live with God's word............You can't justify an affair, but you can say I made a mistake I ask for a chance to show I just lost my way .........be grateful for the help and the chance........
I am hoping you stay and see we are all here trying to save marriages, sometimes the truth comes with some harshness, but you are a big girl ........you know that honesty and loyality and commitment can turn this around.......
Don't waste time on more mistakes........


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
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Your not understanding what I just wrote here...I did choose to have an emotional affair. However, my point here is that YOU MUST create a christian filled home, build your hedges and grow together...My husband tried to do this after this affair started we were completely emotionally detached...He 'found' God after which angered me more because I had went to him on several occasions to try to be stronger in Faith...nothing...I SHOULD HAVE NEVER did what I did I AGREE...However, what God is laying on me is this...YOU can't make the person that is having the affair love you unless THEY FEEL and HAVE A CHANGE of HEART. If you choose to shame your wife THINK about her HEART has she ever know God? Think about the ramifications if you expose it to every facet of your life...are you willing to take the chance of her DYING and never being united with Christ again? BE careful...DONT continue to JUDGE me and tell me it was your choice...I KNOW! My point here is THINK and PRAY before you make a decision as my husband did.

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YOU jeopardized your family, and don't use God's name in vain, you violated his word, his wisdom.



Me BW (37)
WH (37)
DD1 6 yrs DD2 2 yr

A man who abandons his wife and children because of his infidelity is no price. I can do better then that, I deserve better then that.

The difficulties and struggles of today are but the price we must pay for the accomplishments and victories of tomorrow

Men must be honest with themselves before they can be honest with others. A man who is not honest with himself presents a hopeless case
Joined: Oct 2009
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Exposure in you case did it's job. You felt shame because you behaved shamefully. Your husband was NOT wrong in exposing your affair. You were wrong in having one.

by your actions, you are obviously NOT a repentant person about the vile actions YOU undertook.

This site can help you. When you are ready to actually change your life, you should give this site a chance. It is the best one out there, and it will save your soul, as well as your marriage.

Don't be discouraged when your post or even this thread gets deleted. This is a marriage builders website, and exposure of the affair is one of the first steps to recover from an affair.

If your betrayed husband is even willing to work with you to create a fulfilling marriage after what you did, you should get down on your knees and thank God that he did what he needed to do to help you and your marriage.

You should not be out trying to damage other people's marriages. Stick around, you may learn something.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Originally Posted by almostdied
HE SHOULD HAVE NEVER involved my WORK, EVER! Nor my childrens friends parents! My children now too feel ashamed...I am saying choose carefully who you expose it too...NOT everyone on Facebook 516 friends need to know... It can be devastating and not that I am making excuses it takes TWO to create a loving, Christ filled home...you can't do IT after the affair starts... And the one who is having the affair needs to FEEL the change of heart with in them if not IT WILL NEVER EVER END...

The cause of your shame and your children' shamre is YOUR CHOICE TO ENGAGE IN ADULTERY, not the exposure. If you did not engage in adultery, there would be nothing to expose, would there?

And yes, until you make that connection, you ARE making excuses.



ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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Was your affair going on before he exposed?

Is it going on now in the same way?


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Originally Posted by Scotland
the vile actions YOU undertook.

I have been in your husband's shoes. Make no mistake, it was vile, and the vileness is still in you if you try to shift, blame, or minimize it.

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It is God's word to expose an affair, an adulterer. If you do not expose you are just as guilty in His eyes.

He judges you by your actions and your husband followed His word. You should admire your husband for what he did.

He did not have the affair and cause the (almost) destruction of the marriage, he sought the help of friends and family, including co-workers, to hold you accountable for your actions and do what is the right thing in His eyes.

All the pain and humiliation you are experiencing are the result of your actions, if the truth hurts, it is you who caused it. Do not blame another for what you did.


Me BW (37)
WH (37)
DD1 6 yrs DD2 2 yr

A man who abandons his wife and children because of his infidelity is no price. I can do better then that, I deserve better then that.

The difficulties and struggles of today are but the price we must pay for the accomplishments and victories of tomorrow

Men must be honest with themselves before they can be honest with others. A man who is not honest with himself presents a hopeless case
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 235
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Answer one question and give it some thought:

Why are you worried about you right now?


Me: BH 40
WW 39
S13, D9
Married 15 yrs together 19!!!
D Day July 11,2011
WW in P.A. with OW
WW wants D
Almost done
Former Tryingtofeelgood
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If you read her husbands first post, I really doubt that this was an EA. First she needs to be honest about the affair.

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