Taking into consideration the A and the aftermath, but also the time you have been married to your spouse, would you have married them all over again? Explain.

Soory, I meant to type: would you have married him/her all over again?

No I wouldn't, explain when I have time.

No.

yes

Yes, I would. When not "foggy", she is a great woman.

Yes.....when she is "normal" she is a great person, beautiful woman, awesome mother, and loving wife.

Yes. Despite all the pain and agony over the last few years, that woman has been my greatest joy. My biggest hope. my best friend, a darn good mom and my biggest and greatest supporter. I love her enough to go through it again if that was my only option. Why? I've seen the woman she's become. She's better than she ever was. She's becoming the woman I always knew she could be. And like a fine scotch, she's getting better and smoother with age.

CV

Yes.

Despite my own stupid ONS, my husband was willing to recover our marriage.

He has had his serial cheating, yes, he has.

I know this sounds crazy. My H is the man I am in love with. He and I get along well. We have a life together, and he has an intellectual ability that I appreciate.

He is not boring. When I dated other men, I found them uninteresting. They did not do anything after work. They hung around, they were not creative, they could not converse with me. The conversation didn't hold me. They had no idea what I was talking about half the time, and I had to explain words to them.

My H is different. He meets my emotional needs in that he is interesting - he is creative, and he can talk about anything with anybody. And he is never boring.

While it would have been easy to walk away because I was angry, there was far more to the mix than that. I could get over being mad. He could change his behavior.

I could NOT find another man like him very easily. In the 36 years we have been together, I have never found anyone remotely like him. And I have met many people, from all walks of life - from university presidents, to Senators, to engineers, to spies, to linguists, to musicians, to artists, to computer architects.....and on and on. He rocks my world.


It was well worth the work.

He is the man who loves me. I am the woman who loves him.

We decided together to repair the relationship, and I would do it again, because the relationship was worth repairing.

We both feel this way. We are lost without one another.


It would be like having biscuits without gravy. It just isn't done.


SB

Are we allowed an "If"?

Since my WW won't speak to me since exposure.....No!

"If" the woman I fell in Love with and married were to return without the fog and WITH full remorse and intent to recover.......YES!!!!!!

That's the best I can do as of 10-31-2011

No,

as of almost 2 yrs post A. That may change with time.

Of course I love my boys and would do it for them.

No.

The affairs and lying have all been too much. Nothing has happened in our relationship, past or present, that makes it "worth it."

I can see where people who have children could feel differently, though, about the "worth it" part.

I think CGIR would have been happier if we never got married, too. My best qualities are not qualities he would seek, and and the qualities he would likely seek are qualities I do not and will never have.

BV

My gut response, YES! However, it's early in our recovery and I still have my reservations.

NO.

YES!!! (In fact, I DID!)

One of my friends told me I need to explain my NO. I will preface it by saying that I do have a great marriage today. I love my husband passionately and he loves me. Our marriage brings us more joy than anything else in our lives.

That being said, when I found out about my H's affair, I had been married for FOUR MONTHS. I had no history, no kids. So the ONLY history I had with him was traumatic. There were several red flags when I was dating him that I ignored because I was in a state of shock due to personal tragedies. If I had known what my H was doing behind my back while we were dating/engaged, I would have never married him. I was deprived of that choice.

Another thing going against us is that I stupidly started dating him while I was still married. My H had left me for another woman after 20 years of marriage. The divorce was filed, but I was still married. You ask yourself what kind of a man dates a married woman? [and what kind of a stupid woman dates when she is married??]

My H has made a dramatic personal change in his life and become what I consider a good man and a great, loving husband, but the fight was too long and too hard. It took closer to FIVE YEARS to come out of the woods in a significant and meaningful way. FIVE YEARS. For a marriage that was FOUR MONTHS OLD. That is not what we call a good return on investment in my business!

When other couples come here, they at least have a history with the person. Very often they have kids. I had NEITHER. If I came on this board today presenting the situation above, I would tell that woman to RUN FOR HER LIFE!!

No

This might change farther along in recovery but I would have done anything to avoid the pain he put me through.

No.

As if it wasn't obvious, the complete disregard for me, our kids, our marriage, and sanctity of our home makes entering this union with this woman knowing what I know now impossible to even conceive.

Trying to use love as a way to push her actions out of my daily consciousness is up to now not very successful.

Mel, your story is enough to turn most MB'ers hair gray, or cause them to shed it entirely! (Well, the guys, anyway! I'm sure AquaNet will keep the ladies looking just fine!)

But, here is the collateral damage in MY case. Both my daughters (31, 30) are now married and independent of my worries and control. My son (28) is still single. I have told him he'd fall in my estimation to the rating of "World-Class Chump" if he EVER asked a modern American female to marry him. The odds are stacked tremendously against married men in dissolution actions, so why get involved in a rigged game? He should spend his days chasing and banging away at every skirt in HisTown, and NEVER think about tying himself down.

I guess, MM, the point to this rant is that, on balance, 35+ years of marriage has me say "Yes", but without that as a given status-point, I'd tell anyone else to say, "No".

No