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Don't know yet. When I'm prepared for the atomic fallout.

Financially, emotionally, and legally(having recieved advice on what she can and can't do in the aftermath, as well as actions I need to take to protect my child's and my own interests in the interim and long term should my spouse choose to not attempt to reconcile.)

And I don't know if, how or what to do with respect to handling our child.

It's a lot to digest.

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Originally Posted by DevotedDad
When I'm prepared for the atomic fallout.

I am not sure that I understand this hesitation. What choices do you really have? To allow your WW to continue to brazenly conduct her affair right in front of your face? After 11 months (or however long you said this has been going on for) I hope you now realize she is not going to end this on her own. She is probably waiting for the OM to tell her he is leaving his BW.

All this hashing out of every last detail to "prepare" yourself is not going to make it any easier to expose. You could analyze the what if's for the next three weeks and guess what? You will be just as scared to do it then as you are today.

I know how much it sucks because I just did it myself this past summer. After 3+ yrs of being on this site and being a fierce advocate of exposure, when it came time to do it myself, I was a mess and it was horrible. But you just have to make your plan, embrace the support that you have, and push through the fear.

Extra day you put it off hurts your chances of recovery and deprives the OMW of knowing what is going on behind her back which is truly a crime.

Has anyone here mentioned to you that most married men WILL NOT leave their BWs for the OW? Most of the time when BHs expose to the OMW, the affair ends. You should expose to all key targets in one fell swoop just to be sure to kill the affair dead and not just enough to drive it underground...


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And PLEASE don't warn your WW or threaten exposure in an effort to get avoid it in the hopes that holding the threat over her head will get her to end the affair. That doesn't work and will backfire on you BIG time.


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The only preparation for the atomic fallout is prepping yourself to appear calm in the face of the vile that will be flung your way.
Prepping yourself to breath through the flames spewed at you and to appear serene as you heart pumps at max speed within your chest.
That is the prep. Knowing its a coming and that you will need to not appear disturbed. Its all you can do.







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Originally Posted by DevotedDad
As ML indicated, "Exposure should be done with precision and thought to get the best outcome."

I intend to do just that.

Bare with me, because I am envisioning a lot of preperation, including legal counsel for a risk assessment of defending against a suite, baseless as it may be, responding , retaining counsel and defending to get it dismissed because there is no loser pays concept. =. $$$$

There is no way one can be sued for telling the truth.

**edit**

And, as you keep stalling, I hope you know how the OM is taking advantage of all the time you are buying him, and what he is doing to your WW.

What are you waiting for?

For the OM to knock up your WW?

Did you know that most WW and OM have unprotected SF?


**edit**

Last edited by Fireproof; 10/31/11 07:36 PM. Reason: TOS disrespectful
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Has nothing to do with anatomy or biology,
It's common sense.

Being prepared for what you expect to happen,
Gives you the ability to deal with what you didn't expect to happen.

Only a fool would throw a grenade and not take cover.



Last edited by DevotedDad; 10/31/11 07:47 PM.
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Sorry, DD, but I aint buying it.

This is stalling tactic is very much in line with what we saw from you in the beginning of the thread when you wouldn't answer the questions about exposure.

As far as being "prepared", you were going to go into Plan B when you didn't even seem to fully understand what Plan B means and instead of asking more questions about Plan B was, you asked about the toxic environment it would create with a hostile WS.

Again, I will point out to you that no matter how much you try to "prepare" yourself, exposure is going to be tough especially if you are afraid to upset your WS.

This is very salvageable but you are going to have MAN UP and fight for your M. When you are ready to expose, let me know and I will come back and help you. Good luck.


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SQ,

Thank you, for accepting my apology.

I have to do what I feel is best for me, and my child, and only I know what that is.

And I will be dealing with the aftermath, no one here will be impacted in the least.

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Originally Posted by DevotedDad
SQ,

Thank you, for accepting my apology.

I have to do what I feel is best for me, and my child, and only I know what that is.

And I will be dealing with the aftermath, no one here will be impacted in the least.
Only you can determine how you want to live as a family. I suspect your goal is to have a happy, intact family. If that's the case, you'll get plenty of agreement here.

Unless, of course, you want to kick your wife out and send her to OM. Maybe you think THAT'S best for you and your son. You'll get no argument from me if you really believe that.

But I think you need to get over the abrasive attitude you're currently laboring under. It's not helping you.

ARE YOU GOING TO EXPOSE YOUR WIFE'S AFFAIR? Because if you have no intention of doing so, you should let everyone know NOW. As a former betrayed wife whose husband's affair died THE DAY IT WAS EXPOSED, I'll waste no more of your time. As you sit, idly, examining your navel and whining about the lack of intact relatives. doh2

Last edited by maritalbliss; 10/31/11 08:32 PM.

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Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Quote
Only a fool would throw a grenade and not take cover.
Only a coward would hold the grenade and waffle over pulling the pin while he watches his loved ones getting blown up.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Originally Posted by DevotedDad
Thank you, for accepting my apology.

I assume you meant this to be facetious since I didn't mention anything about accepting an apology. To be honest, I am in the NE and have had no power and have been displaced since Saturday, staying at a hotel and now at my parents due to no power, food or heat at my house and had forgotten about that... Yes, I accept.

Originally Posted by DevotedDad
I have to do what I feel is best for me, and my child, and only I know what that is.

Presumably, saving your marriage would be best for you and your child, even at the expense of dealing with a raging WS for a few days. There is no saving the marriage until you end the affair first. There is no ending the affair or chance for recovery until you expose.

It really is that simple.

Last edited by SusieQ; 10/31/11 09:00 PM.

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"Abrasive attitude' ????

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SQ

No facieousness at all.

I assumed by the fact you responded at all and did not remain silent, that indicated acceptance.


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Sorry about the weather calamity. Power is a necessity nearly as basic as water these days. :-(

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DD,

You hesitate and it leads nowhere. The only way to end the affair is to expose it to those that will put the most pressure on it. It's really very simple. You expose to her family, his family, your family, your friends, her friends, and work if it is a workplace affair.

All this talk about protecting yourself is nothing more than stalling. No one on this forum has ever been sued for exposure.

It shows you have no knowledge of the law. Telling the truth isn't something you can be sued for. There is a thing called "discovery" where anyone suing you would have to disclose all documents that could be relevant to the case. That means they'd have to legally hand over all emails, texts, bank records, etc, that could matter.

That's evidence they would have to present, which would simply show you were telling the truth.

In terms of custody, it wouldn't hurt you. It takes a lot more than bringing adultery to light to hurt you and an affair is totally relevant since it exposes you to STDs, so you do indeed have a major stake in ending it.

So right now you're just stalling and giving a weak a$$ excuse for not taking action.

Enjoy twiddling your thumbs while OM does your wife. You may as well offer to bring her and him some water when they're doing screwing. Bring some fresh towels as well and standby for any other needs they may have.

Do you understand that this is enabling behavior? Do you understand that hope is not a plan?

Do you get the fact that we've been on this forum for years and know what works and have seen countless affairs end when the man finally mans up, grows a pair, and exposes?

Read a few threads and see for yourself.

Wake up and do something. Otherwise, fetch some water and some towels. Perhaps you can play some romantic music while they go at it.

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Please listen to these guys I did not listen to them at first either. Things are better since I have listened if I had done what they said when they said to do it. I believe I would not have to worry about my wife having my kids around the OM who was charged with electronic solicitation if a minor. PLEASE Listen if not for you then for your child! FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT! If this does end in divorce be able to hold your head up high and so you fought for your family. You won't have to do what I occasionally do and ask what would have happened if I had listened to the advice given to me sooner.

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"All this talk about protecting yourself is nothing more than stalling."

I can see how it could be viewed from that perspective.

But what I've yet to see acknowledged are the negative aspects, while emphasizing the imperative nature of exposure.

Is it completely outside the realm of possibility, that a spouse who views the exposure as mean and spiteful and is furious in their mind at being "smeared" and having their bubble burst....would be vindictive enough to clean out the bank account, charge up the joint credit cards ?

Everyone acknowledges that the WW is not "thinking straight or even remotely logically".....yet it seems perfectly acceptable to "poke the bear" without even making sure your rifle is loaded or you even have any means in place to protect yourself.

Sorry for the bad analogies.

I honestly don't understand the criticism of doing anything other than moving "full speed ahead".



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http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2486981

When Should An Affair Be Exposed?
By Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr.
10.28.09

"Some feel that an affair should not be exposed to children. Granted, I would not tell a 3-year old about an affair,....But I would not hesitate to reveal an affair to a child 7 years or older.

Exposure to those between those ages should be a matter of discretion."


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Originally Posted by DevotedDad
"
Is it completely outside the realm of possibility, that a spouse who views the exposure as mean and spiteful and is furious in their mind at being "smeared" and having their bubble burst....would be vindictive enough to clean out the bank account, charge up the joint credit cards ?

DD, all spouses do view exposure as mean and spiteful. That is an expectation. And yes, some have cleaned out bank accounts so it is a good idea to move any large amounts of money to a safe place if you have reason to believe she will clean you out. Typically we don't see a WS charge up joint credit cards. However, it might be a good idea to take your name off any joint credit cards if you feel this would be a risk.

This is the kind of thing we expect you to think through without our help. It is helpful for YOU to take a proactive approach and move your money and take other protective measures if you think it necessary.

I don't think there is much more we can help you with. We have spent an enormous amount of time with you and you don't seem to be willing to take any action. We have given you the tools, now it is up to you to use them or not.

I wish you the best. smile


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
DD, all spouses do view exposure as mean and spiteful. That is an expectation. And yes, some have cleaned out bank accounts so it is a good idea to move any large amounts of money to a safe place if you have reason to believe she will clean you out. Typically we don't see a WS charge up joint credit cards. However, it might be a good idea to take your name off any joint credit cards if you feel this would be a risk.

This is the kind of thing we expect you to think through without our help. It is helpful for YOU to take a proactive approach and move your money and take other protective measures if you think it necessary.


This is all I was referring to when I said I needed to prepare.

And I received feedback like,
"All this talk about protecting yourself is nothing more than stalling." "You hesitate and it leads nowhere."

Maybe it was because there was a presumption that the 'preparation' to which I as referring was "assumed".

I appreciate all of the input and assistance thus far, and will
continue to post questions to those who have been the benefit of trial by fire and are willing to share, because they are valuable perspectives.

I won't always agree, but I will always consider any input provided.

DD

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