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Here's why exposing to the OM's wife has a very good chance to succeed.

1. If she is a stay at home mother and has been for 10 years, OM may be looking down the barrell at a hefty alimony settlement

2. Good luck to OM to negotiate a decent custody settlement. He will be looking down the barrel of the Every Other Weekend Daddy sc$%&job custody agreement with the back breaking child support associated with it.

3. If his motivation for the affair is for some cheap thrills, exposing to his wife will go a long way towards convincing him that giving his possibly ex wife 30% of his gross monthly income for many years is a steep price of admission.

The financial ramifications of divorce are often enough to scare a man into working on his marriage. Use it to your advantage. Exposing to his wife is the best way to leverage this.


Me BH 35 WW 36
Married 1998
DS 2002
DD 2005
D Day 1 7/28/08
D Day 2 8/19/08

Divorce Final 3/19/2009
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Think of it this way, there is not much that is more impactful than a phone call from a betrayed husband reporting that one's son is screwing around with his wife. That is a very serious thing that often propels a parent into action.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Think of it this way, there is not much that is more impactful than a phone call from a betrayed husband reporting that one's son is screwing around with his wife. That is a very serious thing that often propels a parent into action.
Yes, ma'm. If I got a phone call from some man who said my son was screwing around with his wife I would be on the horn so fast with my son he wouldn't know what hit him.


D-Day 2-10-2009
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Thank you Marriage Builders!

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DD,

STOP being ME!!!

Expose -- you have a powerful weapon I did not have -- OMW!!!

I exposed to:

WWs aunt, uncle
our children
2 close coworkers

OMs mom, sisters, brother
employer
union hall


No friends, no facebook, no pastor, not even Ws parents (been estranged for years)...and just that exposure worked!

I wish there was an OMW to have exposed to, becasue that would've been a ace in the hole.

Stop waffling. make the list. Then make the calls/send the letters.

Watch as the affair will end, maybe not immediately, but it will end sooner than later.

Expose now. Don't make the mistakes I did.

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Think of it this way, there is not much that is more impactful than a phone call from a betrayed husband reporting that one's son is screwing around with his wife. That is a very serious thing that often propels a parent into action.

I think that the way this poster has refused to be won over by melody and other great posters here is a redflag.

After all these posts and his stance has not wavered but he just finds new ways to hold his course redflag.

I don't ever remember a poster holding out here for so long or so strong redflag.

***edit***

Last edited by JustUss; 11/02/11 03:24 PM. Reason: voice concerns to moderators
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Right now he's studying the impact of exposure on the papacy and it's possible impact on the Catholic Church and international relations. After that is complete he'll perform a study on whether or not UN approval is preferred in order to conduct exposure.

Everyone just needs to be patient until the studies are completed.

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Originally Posted by helpthelostdads
Right now he's studying the impact of exposure on the papacy and it's possible impact on the Catholic Church and international relations. After that is complete he'll perform a study on whether or not UN approval is preferred in order to conduct exposure.

Everyone just needs to be patient until the studies are completed.

rotflmao

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Originally Posted by helpthelostdads
Right now he's studying the impact of exposure on the papacy and it's possible impact on the Catholic Church and international relations. After that is complete he'll perform a study on whether or not UN approval is preferred in order to conduct exposure.

Everyone just needs to be patient until the studies are completed.

think There may be some forms to fill out as well. Might better check on that.



Last edited by Northwood8900; 11/02/11 12:18 PM. Reason: We laugh because we care!

Me (BH)
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Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2

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frown

I think we may have lost him, it is hard to gather up the courage. It is hard work to safe a marriage, it is. Divorce is always the easy way out.


Me BW (37)
WH (37)
DD1 6 yrs DD2 2 yr

A man who abandons his wife and children because of his infidelity is no price. I can do better then that, I deserve better then that.

The difficulties and struggles of today are but the price we must pay for the accomplishments and victories of tomorrow

Men must be honest with themselves before they can be honest with others. A man who is not honest with himself presents a hopeless case
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DD, exposure will garner support for you in your quest to keep your family together. you will also feel immediate relief in terms of feeling like you're getting some control back.

once you expose, you get a sense of empowerment for taking action as opposed to languishing in impotent rage.

you have the advantage of this OM being married. do a kindness and let his wife know what's happening here so she can protect her own family. you are doing her a favor!

you might not want your wife back at this point but it's clear you want your child. exposure will help with this as everyone will know that she has caused the demise of your family.

get your legal info in order QUICKLY in case you need to move into a divorce/custody action but please expose asap! the longer you wait, the more time you WW has to tell everyone how awful the marriage is and how she can't wait to get out. she is throwing you under the bus as each second ticks by.

the truth shall set you (and everyone else involved) FREE.

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Maybe it will help you to think of it this way:

WW and OM are dreamily planning their future together (as soon as they get those bothersome spouses out of the way!) OM says his family is going to LOVE WW. They never cared much for OMW.
She'll fit right in with his brothers. OM's parents will just love her!
They discuss how soon after the divorces should they introduce each other to the kids and family.
WW has already started to plant the seeds now - with her friends about how unhappy she is in the marriage.
WW thinks everyone will be very happy for her, after all, she suffered with DDad every day.
WW thinks that maybe after 3 or 4 months she can introduce OM to her child. They can do some fun things together and the kids will think its fine that mom is dating OM.




Exposure BLOWS this fantasy into OBLIVION.
Everyone knows that WW and OM weren't "suffering" or trying to make their marriages work -- they were involved in a sleazy affair. OM isn't a new boyfriend - he's the loser that interfered in a family. WW isn't the fun new girlfriend - she's the homewrecker. The kids don't LOVE OM, cuz they HATE him because they KNOW he is the reason mom left.
And if you convey the right message, you're the solid man who stood up for his family.

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Thank you for this post, Lexxy.

As much as I laughed at the satiric wit of some of the responses on this thread (HTLD, you are a bad, bad boy rotflmao ) we need to remember the GOAL. DD, you need to EXPOSE. We've already outlined all the reasons to do so.

Yes, Road, I remember one poster who just about drove me crazy with his reluctance to expose (Hi Help for Dad! smile ) I probably 'swore off' HFD's thread about a dozen times, but always went back. Because I just KNEW he could save his marriage IF ONLY he would expose! He FINALLY did and subsequently saved his marriage (and I'm still waiting for my Medal of Patience, LOL). HFD has also been on this thread to encourage DD as a voice of someone who was also hesitant to expose.

I'm sure there are other posters who refused to expose. They're no longer on this site. I wonder what happened. They never came back to announce their successful recovery of their marriage... frown


D-Day 2-10-2009
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Marital,

I owe you and so many others on this board much, much more than just a medal.

The only way I can only scratch the surface of payback is to encourage others to read my thread as an example of why NOT to wait and why TO EXPOSE.

Looking back, I couldn't guarantee that exposure would save the marriage, but I can guarantee it can't be saved without it.

I hope someday to 'make up' in recovery the 3 months I waited to expose an could've been further along...

I hope I'm doing alright by you and the other vets in trying to help others and make up for my frustrating all of you so much...I'm sorry I was so reluctant, and so grateful none of you gave up on me (us).

Thanks.

DD...I did it, so can you (and you must).

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Quote
I hope I'm doing alright by you and the other vets in trying to help others and make up for my frustrating all of you so much...I'm sorry I was so reluctant, and so grateful none of you gave up on me (us).
Dad, you're a vet now, too. Thank you for paying it forward. That's my Medal. smile


D-Day 2-10-2009
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Thanks, Marital blush

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Originally Posted by helpfordad
Thanks, Marital blush
You're very welcome, friend. smile


D-Day 2-10-2009
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Thank you Marriage Builders!

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HFD, perhaps you should link your thread here.

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Spouse, last night said "I want a divorce", after I asked her when are you going to stop doing what you're doing.....as she was leaving to "go out".
She insisted, I'm not. I said, then you need leave, and file.
She said fine, I'll start mediation process.

Really rough night and day.

Consulting with a counsel tomorrow . After which, I'll know the ramifications exposing and what not to say.

Risk aversness is just part of me.



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DevotedDad,
She is leaving you, when are you going to wake up your only chance is to break up the affair, exposure will do that for you......It is hard no one wants to do that to someone they loved, do you thinks she loves you right now.......
What do you have to lose, she isn't yours now anyway.......
Expose get your ducks in a row financially and with your child and then sit back and watch her fantasy world fall apart like it should.
When you go see that counsel I want you to explain the purpose of exposure to break up the affair so you can work to save your marriage......you cannot do that with the OM in the picture.....
What do you have to lose at this point, she isn't yours now if you want her back you are going to have to fight for her and your family.
Just keep saying you love her and will do what you need to do to save your marriage and family...
The all spew the divorce line when they are seeing someone else, my husband did that too.....
part of the script, don't let that bother you, don't let it get you down, fight get up and fight for your marriage........


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
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Originally Posted by DevotedDad
She said fine, I'll start mediation process.

She's pissed because you are challenging her. You see that, right?

If your money is still in a joint account, I'd yank it unless you want to share in paying for her attorney.

Originally Posted by DevotedDad
Risk aversness is just part of me.

And how's that working for you so far? Seriously.

Telling the truth isn't wrong, you know.





Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2

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