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CaliSun Offline OP
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Sooo, been awhile. Forgot to mention that after the awesome NC letter was sent, I found it back in my mailbox unopened, return to sender! I gave her ex husband the letter to pass on, it was opened, and I am sure he couldn't help but read it. No guarantees she received it though. It has been bugging me but I don't want to jeopardize our recovery by e-mailing the letter etc. Thoughts? How can I have insurance she received and read it?! She will not sign for certified letter now....


Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)

He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11

Recovering MB Online!


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Annnd there was an OW #2 (one night stand with ex-girlfriend, followed by a month of text/phone!) during the SAME time frame as OW #1!!! Nice huh? I was actually kinda relieved to find that out, apparently OW#1 wasn't his "soulmate" So will do exposure to OW #2 husband even though it has been over for several months. My husband has new numbers, no FB, transparent w/passwords, texts etc etc. Tracking on phone and keylogger too. He is happy to do all this now that EVERYTHING is on the table. So I found out about OW#2 through the phone bill, which he gave me passwords etc. SOOOO, NC letter as well to OW #2 (who I think did me a huge favor and killed the fantasy of OW#1) My crazy life!


Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)

He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11

Recovering MB Online!


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CaliSun Offline OP
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Umm, Omg, police came today. Apparently "no contact" letter is harrasment. She returned it to sender, I gave it to her ex-husband to pass on. This repeated attempt is a misdemeanor because at some point she has texted me to say to never contact her. Grrrr. It is that easy to be charged w/harrasment! Nothing came of it thank goodness and they suggested attorney must compose and mail NC letter.


Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)

He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11

Recovering MB Online!


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Originally Posted by TexasSun
Umm, Omg, police came today. Apparently "no contact" letter is harrasment. She returned it to sender, I gave it to her ex-husband to pass on. This repeated attempt is a misdemeanor because at some point she has texted me to say to never contact her. Grrrr. It is that easy to be charged w/harrasment! Nothing came of it thank goodness and they suggested attorney must compose and mail NC letter.

Ouch. I guess you can be charged with anything. Doubt it would hold up in court though. Look at it this way... You're mucking the stalls and soon they will be clean!

CV


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CaliSun Offline OP
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Yay...happy to muck away but cannot believe the nerve of OW. By not accepting the NC letter, will it ever be over in her mind???? Should I insist we spend the $ and have attorney draft and send one so I KNOW she gets it. This is perfectly legal and a bonus...if she ever contacts either of us after the letter we can go after her for harrasment!!! My husband feels the counselor should make the decision because he did what he could writing the first letter....My bar is set so high that I really need him to jump thru this hoop tho!


Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)

He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11

Recovering MB Online!


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CaliSun Offline OP
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K, help. Do we need to have an attorney draft and mail a NC letter. She rejected the first two deliveries, called cops for harrasment. Waste of $? Will she HAVE TO sign for it? I think yes, but thoughts? Also, husband is still not on board with MB, will try anything but this program. Thoughts on Dave Carder? Frustrated.....


Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)

He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11

Recovering MB Online!


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I am very concerned your H will try anything but this program. It is really not negotiable at this point. You are facing a false recovery between his lack of enthusiasm to seriously get over her and fix your marriage.
Get MB help from the radio show (free advice from the source but brief) or by contacting the coaching center (money but well worth it to clarify what you need to do next).







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CaliSun Offline OP
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Thanks Reading, I agere we are on road to FR. He still feels burned by the "exposure" and thinks it is too cult-like here. He says "anything but MB." Sooo, he is over her, I don't know if she is though thats why I am so hell bent on her receiving NC letter. I will call radio show...thank you.


Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)

He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11

Recovering MB Online!


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CaliSun Offline OP
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OMG...received a phone call from OW #2 husband...she has herpes. Has had them for at least 15 years. Unprotected sex, ONS in July!!! I will seriously blow a head gasket if I test positive. My husband knew, thought we were ok because I tested fine after OW#1. The only blessing...maybe OW #1 got them? Ugh, devastated, how could he hide this????


Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)

He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11

Recovering MB Online!


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Originally Posted by TexasSun
Thanks Reading, I agere we are on road to FR. He still feels burned by the "exposure" and thinks it is too cult-like here. He says "anything but MB." Sooo, he is over her, I don't know if she is though thats why I am so hell bent on her receiving NC letter. I will call radio show...thank you.

TS,

From dictionary.com:

Cult: a group or sect bound together by veneration of the same thing, person, ideal, etc.

In the truest sense, we are cultus of people who share similar experiences and adhere to the same ideals (in marriage). This is not a bad thing. It's not bad, because it works. Tell him it's an excuse and he needs to get on board or else.

CV


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Married 22+ years
3 young adult children


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Originally Posted by TexasSun
OMG...received a phone call from OW #2 husband...she has herpes. Has had them for at least 15 years. Unprotected sex, ONS in July!!! I will seriously blow a head gasket if I test positive. My husband knew, thought we were ok because I tested fine after OW#1. The only blessing...maybe OW #1 got them? Ugh, devastated, how could he hide this????

TS,

Don't panic until you are sure. In the meantime, both of you get tested and use protection.

CV


Celtic Voyager
Married 22+ years
3 young adult children


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CaliSun Offline OP
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Spent an uncomfortable Halloween evening with "friends" of the OW (on Facebook they are "friends" and one is her employer, though they would terminate her if possible. In addition, they are friendly to her in social situations.) This KILLS me. Am I justified in terminating these false friends, aka just "grow apart" etc. I don't want friends without a backbone anyway, right? Also, STD test tomorrow so I am extra sad.


Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)

He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11

Recovering MB Online!


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CaliSun Offline OP
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So basically...I have a confession. A ONS in July of 2010. There, it's out. Confessed to our counselor today and close friend. Will tell hubby asap. He has suspected it (picked me up at 5am at strangers house) I denied sex but admitted other contact. I guess I just can't keep expecting him to be O & H when I am not. I am terrified he will leave, we are early into recovery from his affair. But he is justified in doing so. All precautions have been taken and no contact with this OM since July 2010. Stupid me, I was falling down drunk at a club. Have not had a drink since January 2011.(Not an alcoholic but I have poor boundaries around men when I drink) Okay, so now what.


Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)

He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11

Recovering MB Online!


Joined: Aug 2011
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TS,

Just read your entire thread......what a mess. Are you sure you were happy in 2010?

I'm no Vet, but I'm guessing the 2x4's are coming from them soon. Your recovery is back to day 1 from my perspective. I know if my WW, waited months to come clean ( after having me go thru he!! ) I would be more than mad......

Good luck. Was the STD test neg?

OM1 and OM2 are reversed...... think

Last edited by TexasTwoStep; 11/10/11 12:26 AM. Reason: Clarify

Me (BH): 42
Her (WS): 39
Married 19 yrs
DD: 16, DD: 11, DD: 7
D-Day: 7-5-2011, Caught searching 10-15-2012
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Originally Posted by TexasSun
So basically...I have a confession. A ONS in July of 2010. There, it's out.

TexasSun, "There it's out?" I'm sorry, but I'm having an issue here... You are upset your H is cheating and you have been holding on to your adultery as well? How in the world can you expect to have held him to a standard you haven't been holding yourself to first?

Confessed to our counselor today and close friend. Will tell hubby asap. He has suspected it (picked me up at 5am at strangers house) I denied sex but admitted other contact. I guess I just can't keep expecting him to be O & H when I am not. I am terrified he will leave, we are early into recovery from his affair.

It certainly sets you back to square 1... Dday for him now too. Now you really have to stop goofing around and get real serious here. You have lied and been dishonest with your H about your own infidelity as well. Of course he should also expose your affair.

But he is justified in doing so. All precautions have been taken and no contact with this OM since July 2010. Stupid me, I was falling down drunk at a club. Have not had a drink since January 2011.(Not an alcoholic but I have poor boundaries around men when I drink) Okay, so now what.

Not sure what "all precautions" means. Can you explain? If you knew you had poor boundaries when you drink, why drink?


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CaliSun Offline OP
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TS, By happy in 2010, I guess I was a cake-eater; going out dancing at night (totally out of character for me, OW #1 was my influence), playing mommy during the day and a great (though not perfect) husband at home. I will fix the men, hard to keep track ha ha. Sad frown

I enjoyed the attention when we went out and got super drunk and ended up at a college guys house, we had sex one night in July 2010. My husband suspects and has asked, I always deny. No contact after that with OM#1.

Shortly after I met the real threat to our marriage...my long-term EA with a celebrity in our sports field. In January my husband began his long-term PA with OW#1. I confessed about my EA, but not the ONS. I was fearful he would never come home because he was so entrenched. I didn't want to add fuel to the fire.

Sooo, I mailed no-contact letter to OM#2, no idea how to find OM#1 (college kid), I no longer drink, no opposite sex friendships or texting, no FB, I do not have nights out without my husband. So extraordinary precautions for both of us. All along I buried it, but I can't anymore.

We are at square one anyway. Husband won't do MB (he says he is scarred from exposure), we are doing Torn Asunder by Dave Carder. Good program, encouraged me to expose ONS. We have a great marriage counselor and individual therapy. Results from my STD test are on the 15th. I was clean in July when husband came home, but that was shortly after his ONS with OW#2, too soon to tell.

Sooo, I guess I need to prepare for his departure, I have lied for more than a year. Do I tell him in counseling? On my own?


Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)

He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11

Recovering MB Online!


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CaliSun Offline OP
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CV, I know the biggest obstacle is the lying. I am a hypocrite. He has lied as well, many lies of ommission too. But, he has asked to my face if I slept with him and I denied it, said we fooled around. Who should we expose this ONS too? His family are not part of our support system, enabled his affair. I assume our friends, my family, kids?


Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)

He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11

Recovering MB Online!


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I guess I need to prepare for his departure, I have lied for more than a year. Do I tell him in counseling? On my own?. banghead

I would present in counseling for the purpose keeping him calm. He may walk out, but if you tell him on your own, he is more likely to walk out. Once out, you are back to square 1. He will need time to process. You are not a foggy wayward, but he will be a newly BS. I'm sorry is not going to cut it. uhuh

Good Luck....

Last edited by TexasTwoStep; 11/10/11 01:43 AM.

Me (BH): 42
Her (WS): 39
Married 19 yrs
DD: 16, DD: 11, DD: 7
D-Day: 7-5-2011, Caught searching 10-15-2012
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Also, I stopped posting in May because I didn't want to go into Plan B. I was scared. That was a huge mistake because his affair was only suspended for a couple days and then June was full force ahead. Perhaps the most intense and difficult month culminating in the kids finding her dirty underwear and a love letter in his truck. He was gone more frequently and I used up what little energy I had trying to figure out what he was doing. Plan B would have saved me a lot of drama.

He came home much too soon, but didn't have the self control to stop seeing her and his dads house allowed it. At home I had rules and he was happy to be on the right track. Our first couple months were hard, he was in withdrawal. There never seemed a good time or a stable enough time to reveal my ONS. We r in counseling and following a program and its time to reveal my ONS.


Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)

He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11

Recovering MB Online!


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Originally Posted by TexasSun
We r in counseling and following a program and its time to reveal my ONS.

Honesty is the best policy. However, your H is likely going to be VERY angry, not just over your infidelity, but your subsequent choice to lie to him when he suspected something was up. Be prepared - he may just choose to leave again.



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