I am surprised that you found it "extremely hurtful" and that it drove you away. People were trying to pull you up and help you.

I wonder if you are depressed. Have you talked to a doctor about that possibility?

Gabby, there were three people responding to that thread, two of whom are, um, no longer around and the third rarely ever posts anymore.

Sorry you got a bunch of chaff. I dealt with them, as well. I did not find it helpful in my case, either.

Do you want to save your marriage? Or call it quits?

What has he been diagnosed with?

No, he is not schizophrenic nor does he seem to have any form of psychosis.
Nope, has never so much as raised a hand to anyone in the home. He really does not raise his voice either. He never has angry outbursts. He mostly just keeps everything bottled up inside.
I got him to a doc for a physical examination first. Then we started with the mental health care. It�s a slow process and ongoing. He has been diagnosed with ADD, Bi-polar and depression. He�s on medications. It helps some. At least he does a bit around the house now.



Not all mental illness is violent or abusive. For example agoraphobia is a form of mental illness in which a person will cannot leave the safety of their home.

The children are all adults now in their 20�s. His two are not allowing in our home because of their own behavior. My son lives with us by choice while he�s in college. The way the house is set up, he has half and we have half� we share the kitchen and living area� almost like 2 apartments.

He does not drink alcohol. He does not do any illegal drugs. He is not physically violent. He is not verbally abusive. He hides in a room all day at this computer. That�s it�

In our previous house he had an office built in the garage where he spent his time from 8am � after midnight. We never saw him. We moved in mid-2009 and live in a house where he and I share an office/family room. He spends his entire day in that room and bothers no one.

Thank you very much for getting what I am saying about those old thread and responses.

I would rather save my marriage. But at this point I don't know how and am warn out.

Yes, this has all thrown me into a depression for some time. I am now on antidepressants. They are helping. I think that my own depression is a large part of why I have not dealt more directly with some of this sooner. It was just a lot easier to ignore the problems and concentrate on work.
Honestly, it is easy to ignore a person who just sits in a room all day at a computer. It�s a lot harder to deal with that person and the situation. That�s my fault for doing that, but for a long time I was too depressed to handle it.

Sorry, it's in the OP... ADD, Bi-polar and depression

Bubbles was very blunt for sure. Honestly though I didn't read any attacks in that old thread of yours and believe me I have seen what I consider to be at the very least unhelpful postings.

This is a marriage building site but it isn't marriage at all costs. I was told early on by one of the vets on this site to cut and run on my marriage. I hung around about 2 more years and in the end my biggest regret was not divorcing sooner.

Have you read the article on this site called 'when to call it quits?'

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Personal attacks will not be tolerated! If you have a concern about another poster, notify the moderators.

Let's stop disrupting this poster's thread!

Gabby, I've read through the reply to me and the replies from other posters, although it seems we had some removed. I was just wondering where you would like to see yourself going and how it is that we could help you get there? I understand that you would like support, and you feel somewhat isolated and are wondering if you're doing the right thing, I'm just not certain how to proceed, don't want to make it a negative experience.

The deleted posts had nothing to do with Gabby at all. It was thread jacking and I'm sorry for my part in that Gabby.

It seems to me she--Gabby--is fed up. And it also seems she has tried very hard to make it work and to get him help. Have you read 'When to call it Quits?' recently?

Do you need an exit plan?

Gabby,
Like AJ I'm a little confused about how you would like us to help you, based on the posts you've made which describe your situation. I can tell you that from your first post, I was pretty sure D was the most logical way for you to proceed with your life in a environment where you would not have to continue to be hurt. I was going to say also that as you learn to implement MB principles into your life (even more than you have), as a divorcing woman and then as a single woman, you may regain some of the happiness you once had but clearly have lost.

In another post you sounded like you had implemented MB successfully in the marriage. Doing that again certainly would be worth a shot, IMV; the principles can work, as you've seen.

My personal situation is that my divorce is not so bad, except for the pain I feel when I think of it from my kids' perspective. I sorted a lot of things out for myself during that painful process and now am overall in a better place. I developed a sense of boundaries and also came to the stark realization of just how destructive LB's are in all my personal relationships. I place high premium on the truth and honesty.

D can be the right decision in some situations. I believe that is especially true if there are no shared kids in the picture. After all, it's a contract; both parties have to keep up their end of the agreement. if you don't feel that's the case, you have a responsibility to act to protect yourself -- if you don't, you are teaching a very poor lesson to Your child.

~optimism

Very well said Opt.

Maybe Gabby came here just to see if there was some last ditch thing she could do to save this thing. Or maybe she just needs to hear from others that it's okay to move on.

Your situation sounds very difficult and it also sounds like you've put in a ton of effort for a very long time. Perhaps it's ok to move on now! Your husband sounds difficult even in the best of times.

Why not give yourself permission to start fresh, rebuild and move towards happiness? It's ok to try and not have it work out. I say move forward, knowing that you did the best anyone could do under the circumstances.

You sound totally depleted from all of this. Can't we support her here as she moves into a divorce?