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SugarCane #2568158 11/25/11 03:21 PM
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i dont see how my age and my wife's age when we started has anything to do with what is happening now. i am an adult man and have thought about the age between us many times and how it could of been thought of as incorrect and parents at the time tried to stop the realationship. i loved her then as i do now it seems funny that the man she slept with was the same age as myself.

I am a little over weight at the moment which i am also working on to make myself more attractive to her as her lover was a fit man.

Wideload #2568171 11/25/11 04:34 PM
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I believe the age range for you two has nothing to do with this happening. Fact is your WW has poor boundaries around men. She chose to commit adultery, and right now you are chosing to save your marriage.

How you do that?

1) Start with Plan A - make yourself the best husband on the planet. If you need to lose weight, then do it. Also you need to EXPOSE her affair to your family, her family, your children, OM's wife if he has one, and anyone else that will hold your WW accountable.

2) Find out what her most important emotional needs are and meet them. Start with intimate conversation, affection, and family commitment if you don't know.

Avoid all Lovebusters and anything that will drain her love.

Wideload #2569234 11/29/11 11:04 AM
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Ok so I tired to re-enter the main bedroom with my wife who then moved to the bedroom I had came from.

She also just spent 5 days at her parents, when I asked if told M+D what was going on she told she had not told her dad and mum did not want to here about it. So I have them coming to my house for.Xmas.

My wife seems even more distanced from me now than before, I am following the MB advice but she doen't seem to be coming around, but we have had a few LB's over the past few weeks. I am doing my best to avoid them now but you know when she looks at you the love is gone. So what to do ????

Wideload #2569277 11/29/11 11:43 AM
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Ok so I tired to re-enter the main bedroom with my wife who then moved to the bedroom I had came from.
That's alright. You've reclaimed your rightful spot, as you should.

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She also just spent 5 days at her parents, when I asked if told M+D what was going on she told she had not told her dad and mum did not want to here about it. So I have them coming to my house for.Xmas.
You need to call them and tell them what's going on, and ask for their support to help you end your WW's A. I would also get on the stick and track down OM's wife to inform her, as well.

Did this louse work for the hotel where she stayed? Call there and get the name of the Manager as well as any other names of any importance (Human Resources, etc.) You may be able to find the info you need by googling the hotel on the internet. If it was a bar, track down contact info for the owner of the bar and let him know that his employees are compromising their employer's reputation by banging the customers. Your goal is for something to be said to POSOM that might dissuade him from wanting further contact with your WW.

I could be wrong, but he sounds to me like some creep who preys on women travelling alone and not like someone who is truly interested in your WW for anything more than a diversion for a few nights. She was handy. I would shake up his little world by letting as many people as possible on his side know about the affair.


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Ok i am back and have messed up some what. i check my wife's hand bag and found a pic and love letter from her turkish lover. i comfronted her aabout it and she said "it was a note which he gave her before she left Turkey and that she had forgot it was there".

Today her mobile had not left her side again aand i took it from her which in turn cause a love buster between us. Upshot is she states she left me years ago and that she now wants to move out and be by herslef she has now taken her wedding ring off and refuses to waer it. She has not left yet but i fear she will, she is claiming that i have not cared for her for the last ten years, which i have tried to argue but to no avail. She is so angery at me and states that all i am doing ie house work and being with her is suffocating her as she just wants to be alone.

i am at a loss as to what to do, do i leave her alone and hope she stays or just let her go.

Wideload #2571401 12/04/11 01:01 PM
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wideload, I have read this 3 times and am not sure what the lovebuster was? What do you think you did that was a lovebuster?

Did you expose the affair to her parents, your children and everyone else like MaritalBliss advised?

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Upshot is she states she left me years ago and that she now wants to move out and be by herslef she has now taken her wedding ring off and refuses to waer it. She has not left yet but i fear she will, she is claiming that i have not cared for her for the last ten years, which i have tried to argue but to no avail.

This is all fogbabble that means nothing. You need to stop listening to the rantings of a falling down drunk and start focusing on saving your marriage.

Your job is to bust up this affair by exposing it. Stop worrying about making her mad and get to work. The goal here is to save your marriage, NOT to avoid her anger at all cost.

Go read the link about exposure in my signature and get to work on exposing her affair.

In the meantime, you need to sit her down and DEMAND that she end her affair. If she won't end her affair, then she needs to be told this will lead to divorce and will need to move out.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Wideload #2571402 12/04/11 01:04 PM
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i am at a loss as to what to do, do i leave her alone and hope she stays or just let her go.
"Honey, I love you and our marriage but I cannot and will not allow a third party in it. I'm sorry if you feel you must go, but I won't stand in your way."

If you haven't done so already, you'll want to tie up your marital money so she can't clean out the accounts. Take everything but a pittance out of your checking and savings accounts and put them in another bank in accounts under your name alone. Take the credit cards. Take any checks that you have for equity lines.

The idea is to keep the marital money away from her so it doesn't fund her affair. Helping her get an apartment is a no-no, as well. She'll have to do that on her own.

Unless she's a pack rat who carries a carpet bag for a purse, she didn't forget those things were in her purse.

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Upshot is she states she left me years ago
Did you remind her that you've not noticed her absence over all those years? cool


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Ok I have exposed it already. I may of miss judge her on the keeping contact,but I can not be sure. The pic and letter of.course she knew they were there.

The money she can not get at and she is unable to support herself. She also.claims I have taken her independence away from her.

I said to her she had not bought up she left me years ago, I have only noticed a real change in her in the past 10/12 months.

Thankyou for your replies.

Wideload #2571406 12/04/11 01:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Wideload
Ok I have exposed it already.

To WHOM? And what were they told?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


MelodyLane #2571407 12/04/11 01:28 PM
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Close family, be close and friends. The family have all said there staying out of it. Great help they were.

Wideload #2571408 12/04/11 01:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Wideload
Close family, be close and friends. The family have all said there staying out of it. Great help they were.

Your children? Her parents? Have your children discussed their disappointment with her?

Does she know that all your family members know about her affair? This is the STRANGEST exposure I have ever seen!! She is not ANGRY that you exposed it?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Wideload #2571409 12/04/11 01:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Wideload
Close family, be close and friends. The family have all said there staying out of it. Great help they were.
What have you done on OM's side? I posted some suggestions to you - did you follow through with any of them?

WL, I think the legs on this affair are weak. I suspect that any conflict you can cause on OM's side will go a long way toward putting the dagger through its heart. I still believe OM is an opportunistic pig who saw a woman alone and figured on an easy score. And he got it. He's still dealing with her because it's so easy to, with FB, emails and cell phones.

Make it uncomfortable for him to do this!



D-Day 2-10-2009
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MelodyLane #2571410 12/04/11 01:40 PM
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I have told all and my 2 boys 14 + 15, all parties know she slept with the Turk and for how long.

No she seems so angry at me, unable in my mind to explain her reasons. she claims I left her years ago, and I have told her thats what she is telling herself and that I have never left her.

I have told her I love her and I want to work this out and when I said I do I ment it all. I just seem unable to get through. I also told if she stops being angry and just let me back in a little she will find all will grow.

Wideload #2571411 12/04/11 01:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Wideload
I have told all and my 2 boys 14 + 15, all parties know she slept with the Turk and for how long.

Does she know everyone knows? What was her response?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Wideload #2571412 12/04/11 01:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Wideload
I have told all and my 2 boys 14 + 15, all parties know she slept with the Turk and for how long.

No she seems so angry at me, unable in my mind to explain her reasons. she claims I left her years ago, and I have told her thats what she is telling herself and that I have never left her.

I have told her I love her and I want to work this out and when I said I do I ment it all. I just seem unable to get through. I also told if she stops being angry and just let me back in a little she will find all will grow.
I"m not trying to suggest that anything you did in the past excuses her affair; nothing does.

But why does she say this? Did you have an affair, by any chance?

I apologise if I'm off here.


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His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
SugarCane #2571428 12/04/11 04:36 PM
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No never have had an affair or be unfaithful.

Wideload #2571429 12/04/11 04:37 PM
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Thanks, and I apologise again.


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Originally Posted by maritalbliss
Originally Posted by Wideload
Close family, be close and friends. The family have all said there staying out of it. Great help they were.
What have you done on OM's side? I posted some suggestions to you - did you follow through with any of them?

WL, I think the legs on this affair are weak. I suspect that any conflict you can cause on OM's side will go a long way toward putting the dagger through its heart. I still believe OM is an opportunistic pig who saw a woman alone and figured on an easy score. And he got it. He's still dealing with her because it's so easy to, with FB, emails and cell phones.

Make it uncomfortable for him to do this!


Marital bliss is right - make his job situation a little hot and he will drop her like shes on fire.

Stop the talking and reasoning with your ww. It wont work - she's wayward. By all means tell her what she can expect if she does not end the affair (divorce). Be affectionate and funny and nice and show her what she will lose. But you have to do it to her, not with her - she wont participate until the affair is dead.

She is addicted until the affair is dead.

1) You have already exposed on her side. It doesnt matter that her family are weak supports either. She didnt want them to know and now they do. This causes her shame and makes the affair lose its romantic tint.

2) Expose on his side.
a)If you can find his family on FB, should be good. Turkey is a muslim country and his family may look very dimly on his interfering in marriages. Of course they may not but he prob doesnt want the embarrassment.
b) Making a fuss through the hotel, travel reps etc should be quite easy. He sees your wife as easy meat and any bother with his job will cause him to drop her.

3) Once exposure starts to work at ending the affair your WW will be hugely angry at you for ending her fun. This means its working. All waywards are angry at exposure when it is effective, Ride out her anger, show her you are James Bond - cool and casual. Meet her needs and Plan A like a rockstar

4) Insist she get on board with the MB plan for recovery. She will be sulky and unwilling - but with her affair dead she has nowhere else to go. No one else to meet her needs except the James Bond - firm but fair character she now sees before her. Say if she wants to stick around, you insist that you both build a better marriage. If she doenst agree, you need to prepare for Plan B.

Carrot and stick. You can do this, mate. The OM is a loser, a coward who is easy to run off. A nasty email/call directly to him would prob do it. It would also show your wife you will stand up to any sleazy intruders upon her honour.

Get to it!





What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

indiegirl #2572549 12/07/11 01:45 PM
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Hi just a small update. I have been calling the OM and texting giving him hell, I emailed the hotel which was a waste of time. WW has been so nice this week, so far, even made plans for what we may do over Xmas. The problem I have I feel like I did on the day I found out about the OM but only worst. I have fighting thoughts in my mind to ask WW to leave but my heart tells me to keep at it after the pic and love note I feel so let down.

Thanks

Last edited by Wideload; 12/07/11 01:53 PM.
Wideload #2572609 12/07/11 02:53 PM
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When's the last time your WW was in contact with OM?

Don't be concerned about whether exposure is a waste of time. If he's an employee at that hotel, there may be repercussions you don't know about. Any conflict you can cause by exposure is good conflict.

Is OM responding to any of your calls or texts?

Last edited by maritalbliss; 12/07/11 02:53 PM.

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