My DH and I were watching an episode of Two and a Half Men tonight. All cuddled up and on the couch. We are fully recovered for years now. We had been to friends tonight to watch football and play games. Had a great time!
Any way, It was the episode where their mother was in the hospital and they were sure that she was faking because they had a fight earlier and they wouldn't talk to her. Turns out she was. But it came back to me that the day I discovered his affair I kicked him out, changed the locks, took my boys to my parents and went to bed and sobbed for hours. My heart was literally broken. I woke up a few hours later with such crushing pain in my chest and unable to even breathe. I stumbled up and out the door. Fell down my front steps and tripped over a huge planter and cut up my leg. (56 stitches. Still have the scars.) I only lived a few blocks from the hospital. Thank God.
I had a heart attack. In my early thirties. They put me in ICU and called my husbands work. He worked graveyard then. I had worked there too. With them! My DH was told and the OW told him I was faking so he didn't come to the hospital. I guess I was the big joke there that night. Thank heavens I didn't know then. My best friend and her husband worked for him and they left and came to be with me.
The next morning my husband came after work. He walked in and the machines went nuts. When I saw him I started sobbing and had another small heart attack. They made him leave and flew me to a huge hospital about 2 hours away for surgery.
It was two months before I let him come home. The guilt was horrible for him and he ended it with her the next day.
It amazes me that after so long I still broke out in tears and had to run to the bathroom and throw up after seeing a stupid t.v. episode. If only they knew the pain and heartbreak they cause. And if they could only see how my husband was broken holding me as I fell apart tonight. 12 years later...

SPAMMER

Huh? I think I missed something? I was looking for someone who experienced this after so much time and how to deal with it better than I did tonight.

Don't leave! People will be here soon, it is the weekend, and the above post was just odd.

No, you didn't miss anything. It just means that the person who made that post is a spammer and was posting spam on your thread. We get those occasionally but our mods are great about catching them. Jusi ignore that post because it had nothing to do with you. It ticks me off when they do that especially on someone's help thread.

How long since the trigger before this last one?

Cherise,


I remember what it felt like when I found out about my W's affair. I thought I was having a heart attack. 10 days later I was on bed-rest because of exhaustion, lack of nourishment, etc... Lost 20lbs in 10 days. Chest pains, shaking... Horrible.

I remember those feelings continued for a good year or so on and off. I haven't felt that in over a year now. I am grateful. I believe we are recovered. I think the best help with this is to not focus on that single night, but rather what you accomplished since then together.

It's ok to remember the past, but not to dwell on it. We have to be forward visionaries with our marriages or we will be crushed (even a decade later) under the pain.

CV

I'm so sorry you had that trigger.

What's really going to be important, long-term, is not the trigger itself but what you do afterward.

Let your FWH comfort you. Determinedly focus on positive things. When your thoughts first begin to become negative, immediately substitute in something good, something that you have thought of ahead of time. I recommend a praise song or verse of Scripture, though you can choose anything happy and wholesome that you like and will remember.

You've already survived so much, and are very blessed. You will get through this, too.

I've been following a therapy I read about, as soon as the thoughts (in my case my wife an OM having sex) come into your head, you yell STOP! And Immediately think of something that is pleasant (in my case I picture my 7 year old daughter smiling as she is on the swing).
It does help me.

It's been years somce I had anything like that happen. Today was rough.

a trigger or a trigger that bad?

there is no time limit on triggers.

yes with time they happen less and with more time in between events but a trigger can happen if only for a brief moment decades later.

It is a huge loss just like a death, the immediate pain diminishs over time but the memory of that pain still comes back to us at times........My mother has been gone for 20 years and most of the time I'm fine and then one day out of the blue, something happens that reminds me of her and it sets me into a tail spin for the day, this is the same thing, let your husband help you and hold you through it..........he wants to, you need him to, don't do it alone.........
congrats on surviving this and for 12 years, I hope to be there someday too, you give the rest of us hope........

You came to the right place, we all understand..
jessi

Television and movies are things choc full of adultery references. It isnt until that word causes anxiety and chest pains that one realizes just how much cheating is prevalant in our culture.

Just one of the many thing our WS have ruined for us.

Man, I would hope after 10 years, the shakes and vomitting would not return with a trigger like that. But who knows?

TV and films are the worst triggers...especially when your own real life situation is protrayed in a "comedy." I feel your pain.

The other night we sat down to watch a nice family film "Bend it like Beckham" and I had to take some really deep breaths when the star of the film "accidentally" fell in love with her friend's boyfriend. The film ended with everyone seeing it as ok. This required some more really deep breathes.

I forced myself to focus on the man DH is NOW. Your DH seems to be very remorseful. I bet he is triggered as well. Fight the urge to turn away from him. Focus on who he is now.

Sorry to hear about your trigger! It's always unnerving to think you are over something and then have it affect you so drastically.

The suggestions here are great, in terms of dealing with it.

I guess it's important to remember that infidelity is something you don't just get over - it is always a part of your history. But... being victorious over it shows great strength - if you do it right!

When I trigger it helps me to focus on something H and I can do to make our relationship better.