On GJM's thread, we have been talking about husbands using their wife's name when talking to her, rather than calling her "honey" or whatever other pet name. Or using no pet name at all.

I will post below what I wrote there.

But what I would like to hear is that the ladies on here chime in and let us know if this is true...and elaborate on their feelings about this.

Should be educational!

Okay...and real quick since I know I will get the questions about the biblical nature of this (why women are hardwired to respond to their names being said).

And it is VERY simple. What was the ONLY job Adam was given in the Garden? Anyone? Can anyone tell me what that one job is?

Okay, I'll tell you: his ONE AND ONLY JOB was to name things. He was to put names to the animals, the earth and sky...EVERYTHING. In order to have dominion over the planet, which he was given, Adam had to first name it. He had to go out and show possession of it.

Now, I dont have the Hebrew spelling of this...so I am just going to spell out the names phonetically so you can get this next idea. Adam went through the garden, and began naming things. He saw a lion...and named it "lion." He saw a crow, and named it "crow."

When he woke up after God made Eve...Adam had already given himself the name of "Eesh." (Again, that is NOT the spelling...just trying to get it so you can pronounce it). When he saw Eve, he named her "Eesh-ah." He saw her, and noticed she looked a lot like him. Thus, the "Eesh" part of the name. But, then he noticed also that she was very different. And thus, the "ah" part.

Why do you ladies take your husband's names when you get married? Well, there are many reasons...but at the base of it, it goes back to this. Eve was given to Adam...because Adam alone was not good. Once Eve got there, it was very good.

So, when Adam named her after himself...he not only was showing dominion like he was with everything else he was naming. But, this part of creation was like him. Was a part of him. But at the same time, so very different. It was Adam's recognition of who his wife was and who they were together.

So, you take his name because you are now joined by God. You become one. You both are "Eesh." But you bring the "ah" part to the equation!!

Again, this could be a whole hour long study. But suffice it to say...naming Eve after himself was Adam's very first act of love and protection for his wife. Giving her the "ah" to that name was recognition of his wonderment of this creatue that was so much like him, but so very different.

So, when you say your wife's name guys...it goes right back to this. It goes right to the depths of her soul. In one word, it shows her deep down that you see her as you...but wonderfully different from you.

All in one word.

Guys, you wanna see if I am right here...try it at home a few times and watch the reaction of your wife. When you come up behind her in the kitchen to give her a peck on the cheek, instead of saying "Wow, that looks great, honey." ...instead say "Suzie, that looks great." To us guys, that may seem pointless...but the ladies here can tell you that it causes a reaction deep within their soul.

Okay ladies...please chime in.

Taking your husband's name when you marry does give me a sense of being joined as two.
I think speaking my name instead of a pet name is what I am used to, my husband has always done this instead of pet names......it does make me feel like he is paying attention to me.
I agree it makes me feel connected when he uses my name, especially when he says "and how is your day Mrs. .........." I feel we are one and that he acknowledges it especially now........post affair......
interesting ......

I did on the other thread, but will again here.

In my first marriage (which ended due to his adultery) my now XH rarely called me ANYTHING. Hey you. Or he would refer to me as 'her' when talking to our young son. I found it very weird.

My new dh, who is a jewel, is very affectionate both with his words and actions. He calls me love, honey, sweetie, dear...all the very sweet names. Such a contrast to the lack of that from my previous marriage that I LOVE it. Truly. However, when he does use my first name I do notice that my heart skips a beat. I have a very unusual first name and I think it is possible [i][/i] he is not totally comfortable using it.(I am going to ask him) Also, my nick name with my FOO is his WXW's name so he NEVER uses that. My point, is that I am ok with him not using my first name much, but I can definitely see how it is an intimate practice.

My wife and I always called each other "babe" or "baby" for years. After her affair, she started calling me by my first name. I know women may think differently, but to me it came as a shock and disappointment. It almost felt like a downgrade. I catch myself still calling her "babe", but use her first name a lot now. It feels abnormal to me.

It does. Did to me also. But I guarantee you that it hits her like I have described.

I prefer it when Markos calls me by a special pet name he has given me: Cupcake. Everybody else in the world calls me by my given name. Only he calls me Cupcake. That's when I feel a connection.

I'm big on pet names, though. Daddy always called me Punkin'. I call my kids pet names. Names are important to me, but I prefer names that are only used by specific people, that no one else is allowed to call me.

As in One Flesh, maybe?

I LOVE it when my husband says my name....

You also melted about an hour ago when a certain little boy called you Mama...

I was thinking the same thing

I think there is something behind this; that a husband and wife, or siblings, or anyone who is tight-knit enough will develop their own brand of communication. It's even more than pet-names, it's other little expressions that are lost to people who are not a part of that bond.

For instance, some of my wife's pet names for me coming from anyone else would be an insult.

Also, hearing my proper name makes me bristle when it comes from anybody, but I use my proper name on all paperwork. For anyone else, I use my shortened name. Fun thing is, I can usually tell if someone has an "issue," as they will fall back into speaking my proper name.

NGB has a habit of using my proper name and middle name prior to complaints. So... you know how that goes.

Actually, Mortarman, I think my desire for Markos to call me "Cupcake" is more in line with your analogy of Adam naming Eve -- my given name was given to me by someone else. "Cupcake" was given to me by Markos on a very special occasion in our marriage

'Cause he's my one and only "Giddy"

He's a Turkey!

Prisca, in this case, that is true.

The point of using a wife's name was to single her out. Many times, pet names actually are a way to be LESS personal...less SPECIFIC!

But, when pet names are used properly, they can be as you said!

I like your original post, btw. Like it a lot, and I'm saving it. Markos and I have been enjoying discussing it together. We find that names, and the feelings and meanings behind them, are pretty important to us.

Kind of nice to think about why that might be.

This is how I would respond. If it were "Dear", "Sweetie", "hun" etc, those are names that anyone could be called. The pet name that my WH and I called each other was actually "Bum". Don't ask, I don't know. And I don't even know why it was loving used.

I don't go by my legal name, so I don't know if this would be different for others, but for me, when my WH would say my "name" it would be because he wanted me to do something, or hear something, and not in a loving way.

I do read romance novels and I KNOW that they make a big deal about how the woman feels when her beau finally says her name. I think in general, you may have something there.

Alright, I know I am a dude, but i couldn't pass on the Hebrew portion of it.

Eesh (or Ish) is the root, which you might define broadly as a "person" or "spouse", and in Hebrew, the ending defines gender on the word. Eesh is a generic term for man (much like andros in the greek), but becomes a specific designation with the ending... Ishi (eeshee) for husband or man, while Eeshah (ishah) for the female, or wife. It is most commonly used to designate marriage (but not always). A formal way of saying "the wife" or "a wife" in our own language instead of just saying my woman. These are special names with special meaning that only we use for each other.

This doesn't contradict the thrust of what you are saying, just wanted to clarify it a bit.

In fact, I support what you are saying, names are important. My wife has always hated her given name (first and middle), and our recovery was opportunity for me to give her a "new name"... Grace. Additionally, she calls me Ishi... Husband, more specifically, HER husband.

Back to the man-cave and I'll let the women talk.

CV