On GJM's thread, we have been talking about husbands using their wife's name when talking to her, rather than calling her "honey" or whatever other pet name. Or using no pet name at all.

I will post below what I wrote there.

But what I would like to hear is that the ladies on here chime in and let us know if this is true...and elaborate on their feelings about this.

Should be educational!

Okay...and real quick since I know I will get the questions about the biblical nature of this (why women are hardwired to respond to their names being said).

And it is VERY simple. What was the ONLY job Adam was given in the Garden? Anyone? Can anyone tell me what that one job is?

Okay, I'll tell you: his ONE AND ONLY JOB was to name things. He was to put names to the animals, the earth and sky...EVERYTHING. In order to have dominion over the planet, which he was given, Adam had to first name it. He had to go out and show possession of it.

Now, I dont have the Hebrew spelling of this...so I am just going to spell out the names phonetically so you can get this next idea. Adam went through the garden, and began naming things. He saw a lion...and named it "lion." He saw a crow, and named it "crow."

When he woke up after God made Eve...Adam had already given himself the name of "Eesh." (Again, that is NOT the spelling...just trying to get it so you can pronounce it). When he saw Eve, he named her "Eesh-ah." He saw her, and noticed she looked a lot like him. Thus, the "Eesh" part of the name. But, then he noticed also that she was very different. And thus, the "ah" part.

Why do you ladies take your husband's names when you get married? Well, there are many reasons...but at the base of it, it goes back to this. Eve was given to Adam...because Adam alone was not good. Once Eve got there, it was very good.

So, when Adam named her after himself...he not only was showing dominion like he was with everything else he was naming. But, this part of creation was like him. Was a part of him. But at the same time, so very different. It was Adam's recognition of who his wife was and who they were together.

So, you take his name because you are now joined by God. You become one. You both are "Eesh." But you bring the "ah" part to the equation!!

Again, this could be a whole hour long study. But suffice it to say...naming Eve after himself was Adam's very first act of love and protection for his wife. Giving her the "ah" to that name was recognition of his wonderment of this creatue that was so much like him, but so very different.

So, when you say your wife's name guys...it goes right back to this. It goes right to the depths of her soul. In one word, it shows her deep down that you see her as you...but wonderfully different from you.

All in one word.

Guys, you wanna see if I am right here...try it at home a few times and watch the reaction of your wife. When you come up behind her in the kitchen to give her a peck on the cheek, instead of saying "Wow, that looks great, honey." ...instead say "Suzie, that looks great." To us guys, that may seem pointless...but the ladies here can tell you that it causes a reaction deep within their soul.

Okay ladies...please chime in.

Taking your husband's name when you marry does give me a sense of being joined as two.
I think speaking my name instead of a pet name is what I am used to, my husband has always done this instead of pet names......it does make me feel like he is paying attention to me.
I agree it makes me feel connected when he uses my name, especially when he says "and how is your day Mrs. .........." I feel we are one and that he acknowledges it especially now........post affair......
interesting ......

I did on the other thread, but will again here.

In my first marriage (which ended due to his adultery) my now XH rarely called me ANYTHING. Hey you. Or he would refer to me as 'her' when talking to our young son. I found it very weird.

My new dh, who is a jewel, is very affectionate both with his words and actions. He calls me love, honey, sweetie, dear...all the very sweet names. Such a contrast to the lack of that from my previous marriage that I LOVE it. Truly. However, when he does use my first name I do notice that my heart skips a beat. I have a very unusual first name and I think it is possible [i][/i] he is not totally comfortable using it.(I am going to ask him) Also, my nick name with my FOO is his WXW's name so he NEVER uses that. My point, is that I am ok with him not using my first name much, but I can definitely see how it is an intimate practice.

My wife and I always called each other "babe" or "baby" for years. After her affair, she started calling me by my first name. I know women may think differently, but to me it came as a shock and disappointment. It almost felt like a downgrade. I catch myself still calling her "babe", but use her first name a lot now. It feels abnormal to me.

It does. Did to me also. But I guarantee you that it hits her like I have described.

I prefer it when Markos calls me by a special pet name he has given me: Cupcake. Everybody else in the world calls me by my given name. Only he calls me Cupcake. That's when I feel a connection.

I'm big on pet names, though. Daddy always called me Punkin'. I call my kids pet names. Names are important to me, but I prefer names that are only used by specific people, that no one else is allowed to call me.

As in One Flesh, maybe?

I LOVE it when my husband says my name....

You also melted about an hour ago when a certain little boy called you Mama...

I was thinking the same thing

I think there is something behind this; that a husband and wife, or siblings, or anyone who is tight-knit enough will develop their own brand of communication. It's even more than pet-names, it's other little expressions that are lost to people who are not a part of that bond.

For instance, some of my wife's pet names for me coming from anyone else would be an insult.

Also, hearing my proper name makes me bristle when it comes from anybody, but I use my proper name on all paperwork. For anyone else, I use my shortened name. Fun thing is, I can usually tell if someone has an "issue," as they will fall back into speaking my proper name.

NGB has a habit of using my proper name and middle name prior to complaints. So... you know how that goes.

Actually, Mortarman, I think my desire for Markos to call me "Cupcake" is more in line with your analogy of Adam naming Eve -- my given name was given to me by someone else. "Cupcake" was given to me by Markos on a very special occasion in our marriage

'Cause he's my one and only "Giddy"

He's a Turkey!

Prisca, in this case, that is true.

The point of using a wife's name was to single her out. Many times, pet names actually are a way to be LESS personal...less SPECIFIC!

But, when pet names are used properly, they can be as you said!

I like your original post, btw. Like it a lot, and I'm saving it. Markos and I have been enjoying discussing it together. We find that names, and the feelings and meanings behind them, are pretty important to us.

Kind of nice to think about why that might be.

This is how I would respond. If it were "Dear", "Sweetie", "hun" etc, those are names that anyone could be called. The pet name that my WH and I called each other was actually "Bum". Don't ask, I don't know. And I don't even know why it was loving used.

I don't go by my legal name, so I don't know if this would be different for others, but for me, when my WH would say my "name" it would be because he wanted me to do something, or hear something, and not in a loving way.

I do read romance novels and I KNOW that they make a big deal about how the woman feels when her beau finally says her name. I think in general, you may have something there.

Alright, I know I am a dude, but i couldn't pass on the Hebrew portion of it.

Eesh (or Ish) is the root, which you might define broadly as a "person" or "spouse", and in Hebrew, the ending defines gender on the word. Eesh is a generic term for man (much like andros in the greek), but becomes a specific designation with the ending... Ishi (eeshee) for husband or man, while Eeshah (ishah) for the female, or wife. It is most commonly used to designate marriage (but not always). A formal way of saying "the wife" or "a wife" in our own language instead of just saying my woman. These are special names with special meaning that only we use for each other.

This doesn't contradict the thrust of what you are saying, just wanted to clarify it a bit.

In fact, I support what you are saying, names are important. My wife has always hated her given name (first and middle), and our recovery was opportunity for me to give her a "new name"... Grace. Additionally, she calls me Ishi... Husband, more specifically, HER husband.

Back to the man-cave and I'll let the women talk.

CV

Because it is used in the sense of husband and wife, yes it hints at that, although not always. Hebrew is an odd language with only 1200 some-odd words. Context largely defines usage. It does hint that in the passage of genesis that MM is speaking of.

Another interesting thing about names in the Bible is they are often not static. Abram (exalted father) becomes Abraham (father of a multitude), Jacob (supplanter) becomes Israel (God prevails) and many more.

New names, or special names are often given in light of deeds, actions, etc...

Pet names that carry this idea IMO, are often as important as given names (named by parents). Maybe it is part of that one flesh thing where it signifies even more of an ingrafting of the two as they become one... Bob is no longer just Bob, he's Sexy wood-chopper guy or something like that.

My opinion on this is that if someone uses my real full first name i feel like i am in trouble lol.

My mother would call me by my shortened name all the time and when my full name was used it was always when i was about to be punished. SO in light of that, when my first name is said in full its usually to get my attention but in a negative manner (unless someone is reading some formal documant or something and doesnt know my short name version) so i find myself feeling a love bank withdrawl when its said in full.

Now, when she called me my first and middle name....LOOK OUT!!

My WXW called me a douche-bag a few times. Does that count?

Yeah .. that and my entire full name including my full first name .. 2 middle names and last name ... lol .. i would run for the hills! >.<

naa ... becasue she was really referring to herself.. :P

If this was too mean .. slap me ok??

I think you're right.

DH doesn't call me by my name often, but when he does it means something.

I do not like when my husband uses my name - in fact, he rarely does - it just seems so distant, formal, odd. I love when he calls me "Babes," his pet name for me!

I am big on pet names, my dad is pops, my mother marmee etc, everyone gets one!

Me and WH called each other babe and baby a lot - I always loved that, he said it so affectionately and I know he loved being called that too. He would practically beam.

Plus I called him bluey - (very deep blue eyes) and he made a big deal out of calling me chicken. He called me it when we started dating and I misunderstood and thought he as calling me a coward an he laughed and sai - no, 'foxy chicken' So that was a special one.

However I get you entirely when you say that using each others given name, in that particular tone, has a strange and unusual power.

When my H went wayward, the pet names disappeared and my own name was used instead. But not in the right tone of voice.

I think intent is everything.

pet names from the lady at the supermarket like honey are fine, because she doesnt know my name.

My H and i had a big conversation about this with counselor, recently she asked if we had pet names, we had joking ones but if H every called me hon honey babe i would be pissed. sorry first name for me say it loud and proud.

he could call anyone hun, honey or babe. its just something i feel strong about.

I cannot stand it when they do that! Especially when they do it to Markos when I am standing right there.

Yep, any woman waiting on me better fear Prisca's wrath if she calls me Honey, Hon, or Sweetheart. She does NOT like that!

And that's one angry outburst that's kind of cute to see, actually...

I would love to see my wife have an AO at someone for reasons similar as that.

Wouldn't we all....

Yea... After the A he was not allowed to call me any pet names, I.e. honey, babe as he used those with posow. So definitely my name is important for me to hear. I kinda liken it to what I've heard here on MB, when speaking of the AP, call them
Joel's wife or Susie's husband. Using your given name keeps it personal, at least to me.

I love that gal!!

I call my XWW " The Kids Mother " She has tried to call me by a pet name and my
Wife told me to Plan "B" her. I have not said anything to XWW in 11 years thank god.

Mortarman, I melt when my H says my name. I had a nickname for very many years, and he was my 'return' to my name. My nickname had nothing to do with my given. I am still sometimes startled to hear my real name.

I also call him by his full first given name (often shortened in the US). He loves that. He said nobody has ever called him that before. He put it on his business cards and his voice mail.

It's not only women who love to be recognized by name for who they fully are!

Thank you for this thread! I thought there was something wrong with me because I don't like pet names. Now I see some do, some don't.

Pet names are much more personal to me than real names, since everyone we know uses our real names. It adds intimacy. Interesting how people differ about this!

I miss my WH calling me, "Honey", and I miss calling him that as well.

He calls me by my first name now, and it feels so wrong.