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Drop the defensive act.


I am sorry if I sounded defensive. I hope your marriage will be resolved in time because I will try my everything to fix mine. I am excited to do so many good and fun things with BRICKS.


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VDgirl, actually we know you quite well. WE have seen you many many times on this board.

You don't know US, but you wanted to lie to us too. I know why you are posting here though. You are doing it in hopes that your BH, Bricks will read and think you are doing the right things. But really, it's all about YOU. Because you are a wayward, you lie. Because you are a wayward, you are behaving selfishly.

You CAN change, but only YOU can do that.

You will be LUCKY if your BH wants to try. You should be forever grateful that he didn't immediately kick you out and file for a divorce.

Now, today, call HIS family, and tell them. Tell them the TRUTH. Don't sugar coat it. THis is for YOU and YOUR recovery.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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That is correct, it is my decision...however I am not the one that needs convincing. it is Bricks who does and right now..it would not be very wise to trust you for a long time.


I know it's BRICKS that I will be convincing. Like I said, you are entitled to your own opinion.

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You were willing to set up a poly knowing you had more to tell.


I am willing to get the polygraph even now. I have 2 phone numbers already. It's just a matter of who to have it done with.

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Your user name suits you.
It would be wise to change that and your username as well.


Thank you. Yes, I am a very deceptive girl.

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Well..you can start now by at least being and staying honest with Bricks.
It might just be the English/Tagalog barrier here, but you don't come across as very remorseful..just sorry you got caught..I truly hope that's not the case.

I would like to see you do the hard work and reconcile with Bricks. He deserves an honest and loving wife. If you truly work this plan..that could be quite possible


Okay, so can you please tell me how to be remorseful? I am actually doing some hard work and I should. We just had lunch today and actually laugh. You are right, he deserves nothing more but the best. He is a very good person and right now, I feel like I don't deserve anything but I will do my best to win him back.


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Again, not encouraged.


Okay. I don't know what to say anymore.


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You are going to lose some valuable resources by continuing to abuse and lie to the posters here. You are going to lose the help that you need. You will then lose your marriage and your children. These are all YOUR choices, and it will be through YOUR actions.

I think that this new entitlement is coming through because you have convinced Bricks that you are serious, and you are showing your true colours now. If I were posting to Bricks, I would be telling him to be very wary of you right now.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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You don't know US, but you wanted to lie to us too. I know why you are posting here though. You are doing it in hopes that your BH, Bricks will read and think you are doing the right things. But really, it's all about YOU. Because you are a wayward, you lie. Because you are a wayward, you are behaving selfishly.


No, I don't think that at all. I actually think that this forum is offering a great help to people like me. I wished I spent some time here before the affair but I did not. I never denied that I was not a wayward and that I am a liar. Yes, you are right, I am very selfish. I don't post here because I hope that BRICKS sees my posts so he believes me, NO, I am here because I know I can find valuable information here to help me fix my marriage. Do you not want me to be here?

Quote
You will be LUCKY if your BH wants to try. You should be forever grateful that he didn't immediately kick you out and file for a divorce.

I am actually VERY lucky because BRICKS wants to try. I am staying in the house because this is what BRICKS wants although I prayed that he will let me stay. He did tell me to find a place this week and that was not a problem at all. If BRICKS tells me to leave, I will. I am leaving because this is what BRICKS wants. This is not about me anymore, I am doing what he tells me without objection. I packed last night already and told him that I was leaving the house although I didn't know where to go. Even if we are trying to fix our marriage, BRICKS is still filing a divorce and I will respect his decision whatever it may be.

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Now, today, call HIS family, and tell them. Tell them the TRUTH. Don't sugar coat it. THis is for YOU and YOUR recovery.


BRICKS has to decide on this. I have encouraged him to call his parents and whoever BRICKS wants to know since the 28th, I can't force BRICKS to do this.

Last edited by verydeceptivegir; 01/30/12 03:41 PM.

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BRICKS has to decide on this. I have encouraged him to call his parents and whoever BRICKS wants to know since the 28th, I can't force BRICKS to do this.

NO he doesn't. YOU pick up the phone and call his parents and family TODAY. Tel them what you have done, and apologize to them. DO IT TODAY.

I really wish you would tell your children the truth as well.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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You are going to lose some valuable resources by continuing to abuse and lie to the posters here. You are going to lose the help that you need. You will then lose your marriage and your children. These are all YOUR choices, and it will be through YOUR actions.

I think that this new entitlement is coming through because you have convinced Bricks that you are serious, and you are showing your true colours now. If I were posting to Bricks, I would be telling him to be very wary of you right now.


Wow. So, whatever, I do and post in this forum, all of you are not going to believe me anyway. Like I said, I am not here to convince all of you. I am here to fix my marriage. Just let me know if all of you don't want me to post anymore. It's telling me that lying and telling the truth don't make a difference if the wayward is doing the post. I understand.


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NO he doesn't. YOU pick up the phone and call his parents and family TODAY. Tel them what you have done, and apologize to them. DO IT TODAY.

I really wish you would tell your children the truth as well.


I thought this is not about me anymore? If BRICKS tells me not to do this, why will I do something BRICKS doesn't want me to do? I don't understand. And about the kids, I am waiting for BRICKS to give me a go signal. I've been wanting to tell them on the 28th.


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Did any one of us tell you to leave? None of us here have that power. Get over yourself.

Lemme ask you this. How much of this site have you read? Have you read any of the articles? Have you read any threads?

We don't take kindly to people who lie to us, but moreso the people who come here pretending to be a repentant wayward, and SWEARING that they aren't lying, and then tell us they lied to their BS once again.

We are a marriage BUILDERS site, not one that caters to waywards.



BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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VDG, read brick's post. He looks like he's giving you a great opportunity. Divorce with the possibility of reconciliation. I must congratulate on your ACTIONS. Leaving the credit cards, house, joint account, kids custody with your husband, shows that you are owning what you have done. Why? Because it is exactly the opposite of what a self centered, entitled, cheating spouse would do. You didn't value what you had, so you have given it up. Now brick's looks like he is willing to entertain reconciliation with a pre-nup before remarriage. Bricks must be a saint to risk his heart like this again. Please VDG, disclose everything before the polygraph. There is no reason not to. Brick's mercy is giving you the opportunity. Good luck

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Hi there, you have come here to save your marriage and it's now your job to read this site, educate yourself and get together a plan to save your marriage, this is not up to Bricks this up to you through actions and words, mostly actions. First and formost is No Contact for life with the OM, a no contact letter should be sent out together with Bricks approval, he should mail it himself......
There are plently of things you can do right away and and first of all would be to get help from the Harley's for both of you.......
Then you start becoming a different person, enough so Bricks notices, a truthful version of a remorseful wife..........You are lucky that Bricks is acting rationally for you and your children, he could pull the plug and no one would blame him, i would start with exposing yourself to everyone that is close to you and the OM's wife and family, apologize to all and ask for their help in keeping you honest.....I would book the lie detector test and let Bricks decide what questions he wants answered, then I would sit down with Bricks or write him a letter explaining everything there is to explain about the affair, details and all, no lies, no omissions, get it out there so there are never going to be any surprises about anything anymore, you give Bricks complete access to all communications devices you use, you trade phones with him, you block the OM's phone # and email address, you close out all social sites you belong to......You install a GPS on your phone and in your car, Bricks will know where you are at all times, you will check in many times during the day to reassure him, you wouldn't go anywhere that is inappropriate, anywhere with any other man, ever again, no personal conversations with any other men, no bars, nights away.....no where without Bricks or your children.
You will sign an agreement that says you lose all financial benefit if you resume this affair or any other at any time in the future..........
You will spend at least 20 hours a week with Bricks, talking, recreational activities, not tv time.......rebuilding trust little by little and the littlest things matter, he will be looking at everything now.........he wants to see remorse and humility.........he wants to see compassion and understanding and most of all honesty.......
If he will agree to giving you another chance, you will have to take the lead and make sure he never has to doubt anything about you ever again........
If you have to tell him how sorry you are a million times over that is your job now.........
Over time and by looking after each other's needs you will get back to being you and your marriage will eventually be better than it's ever been....
Listen to the help you get here, just do it and you will save your marriage and Bricks and your children, it takes a big person to fix what you did wrong.....
It's time to step up to the plate for YOUR husband and YOUR children......
Take the reins......make it count this time..............I am keeping you and your family in my prayers

Last edited by jessitaylor; 01/30/12 04:37 PM.

BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
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Originally Posted by verydeceptivegir
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Again, not encouraged.


Okay. I don't know what to say anymore.


I gave you a hint but you were too busy being defensive that you missed it.

Originally Posted by SusieQ
was definitely expecting an answer that demonstrated some thought and understanding of why honesty is so important.

How can you gain that understanding? Well, you can start by reading the Basic Concepts and the infidelity articles on this site.


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
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Hi, Ouch!

Thank you. BRICKS is indeed one of a kind and I am very very fortunate that he's giving our marriage another go.


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Thank you, Jessi! We did our 2nd counseling today with Steve and he's awesome. It's so good to hear from a neutral person that we are doing much better and our problem is fixable. I started reading SAA as well as the Basic Concepts here in this forum and find it very encouraging. BRICKS and I are okay. We talk on the phone a lot now and when he's home, I make sure I give him my UA. It's just too good to be true. He was so angry at me last week and today, we are just like we are on our honeymoon. We can't take our hands off each other. It's just hard to believe that BRICKS still loves me even though I hurt him so much. Our kids are spending the night at my cousin's..I can't wait to have a great evening with him.


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That's wonderful vdg. I am glad things are going well.

I just want to point out though that recovery is not walways smooth and there will be a down point.

Actions on your part will keep things level, always be on the look out for gestures you can make, always be on the watch for ways to make yourself accountable and trustworthy.

You have done so much I cant suggest anything! Bt keep your eyes peeled for opportunities anyway and be prepared for rough days.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Just be careful. This is all real new. Right now its common for hysterical bonding. But its a roller coaster, every high has a low. I would suggest you both journal your feelings and thoughts. Couple of reasons, to remind you of where you came from and where you want to go. It will also help a lot if your in counseling, because if you think of stuff throughout the week, it will be there for you to reference.

Last edited by ouchthathurt; 02/03/12 07:02 PM.
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That's wonderful vdg. I am glad things are going well.

I just want to point out though that recovery is not walways smooth and there will be a down point.

Actions on your part will keep things level, always be on the look out for gestures you can make, always be on the watch for ways to make yourself accountable and trustworthy.

You have done so much I cant suggest anything! Bt keep your eyes peeled for opportunities anyway and be prepared for rough days.

Thank you. Yes, recovery indeed is not always smooth. We had a good evening 2 days ago. It felt like we were dating. Then I was at work all day yesterday and didn't call BRICKS to check on him. It's not that I didn't want to talk to him but rather, I wanted him to take a break from hearing about me. He called me about 3 times which I answered. He was worried that I sounded so sad on the phone. I didn't want to tell him why but later I did. I was so worried about the results of my STD test - but it all came back normal!

If there is anything else I should do, please let me know.


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Just be careful. This is all real new. Right now its common for hysterical bonding. But its a roller coaster, every high has a low. I would suggest you both journal your feelings and thoughts. Couple of reasons, to remind you of where you came from and where you want to go. It will also help a lot if your in counseling, because if you think of stuff throughout the week, it will be there for you to reference.

Thank you. Yes, it feels like we are in a roller coaster. I emailed his parents today and I was so scared. I am scared of what his Dad will say mostly. His Mom emailed me back and she said she still loves me. That made me feel a little better. I am also glad that BRICKS was able to finally talk to his parents about the affair.


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Be more honest Bricks! When your h asks you a question you need to be able to give him a frank answer.

This is not the time to let him guess, worry or stumble around in the Dark.

Glad you told him later. As for calling during the day decide together what times you should ring.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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