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GJM Offline OP
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Originally Posted by SusieQ
Anytime, GJM...

I have been wanting to tell you that I have noticed you have come such a long way from when you first got here. And you are doing a great job in your postings to others.

Keep it up! smile


Thanks! I have always tried to help others and feel it's the right thing to do. In my situation, I haven't felt like I could help anyone because I couldn't help myself. Now I'm learning to do that. I point so many people to MB. I'm an advocate for it.


Me: BH 36
Her: WW 34
Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9
DDay 1-6/2009
DDay 2-9/2011
DDay 3-11/2011
Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011
Divorce final May 24, 2012
My Story



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This is not fun.






We all agree on that!

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I went to the store and bought the boys their birthday cards. They have music in them. For DS12, I printed two pictures. One of him running the football (american) and one of me and him at his promotion to 6th grade. I glued them to the inside of the card and wrote a small message. I hope he likes it!

I also asked my W to dinner on Valentine's Day. She accepted. I wanted to make sure I asked ahead of time in case I'm competing with someone else. We never celebrated Valentine's Day before so this will be a first for us. We just never liked the holiday because of its cheesiness (is that a word?).


Me: BH 36
Her: WW 34
Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9
DDay 1-6/2009
DDay 2-9/2011
DDay 3-11/2011
Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011
Divorce final May 24, 2012
My Story



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HAPPY BIRTHDAY DS12, and HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY DS8/9

It is heart breaking what the kids go through. My own children have their moments. Just as a BS gets peace from Plan B, I think that it helps the children too. They have one sane parent helping guide them through things.

Hang Tough.

I wouldn't go overboard with VDay. Something heartfelt, and meaningful.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Thanks Scotty,

I don't plan on going overboard. I just wanted to make sure I was able to spend that time with my wife in case some OM decides to ask her out. Sounds dumb, but in my head I feel like I was chosen over any potential invitations. Most likely I'll do something simple and home made. I've been wanting to do something with photos, but I'm not sure.


Me: BH 36
Her: WW 34
Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9
DDay 1-6/2009
DDay 2-9/2011
DDay 3-11/2011
Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011
Divorce final May 24, 2012
My Story



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Hi GJM-

When my FXH left us, my DD was getting married, my OS was starting college and my YS was starting high school. Then I found out I had breast cancer...

One thing that my IC (who was also my YS's IC) said that helped me was this: "Your YS knows that he is deeply loved. You can survive a lot when you know you are deeply loved. "

He was right.

Hang in there-




johnstwin-

"I may not know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future." -Martin Luther

Remarried my FXH 25 years to the day of our first M. God is so good-and sometimes so unexpected!

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Yep - you're doing great, G. Your children have a wonderful father to look up to.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Happy Birthday(s) darling children of GJM!!!!!!!!!! You have a fantastic Dad! Of course, you already know that!

Hang in there G. We SAA'ers got your back, brother.


Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson


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Originally Posted by johnstwin
Hi GJM-

When my FXH left us, my DD was getting married, my OS was starting college and my YS was starting high school. Then I found out I had breast cancer...

One thing that my IC (who was also my YS's IC) said that helped me was this: "Your YS knows that he is deeply loved. You can survive a lot when you know you are deeply loved. "

He was right.

Hang in there-


I worry that my children don't know just how loved they are. It stresses me out because I enforce a lot of rules on the children and hold them accountable for everything they do. I just hope they know I do it for them.


Me: BH 36
Her: WW 34
Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9
DDay 1-6/2009
DDay 2-9/2011
DDay 3-11/2011
Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011
Divorce final May 24, 2012
My Story



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Originally Posted by maritalbliss
Yep - you're doing great, G. Your children have a wonderful father to look up to.


Thanks MB!


Me: BH 36
Her: WW 34
Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9
DDay 1-6/2009
DDay 2-9/2011
DDay 3-11/2011
Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011
Divorce final May 24, 2012
My Story



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Originally Posted by TigerWes
Happy Birthday(s) darling children of GJM!!!!!!!!!! You have a fantastic Dad! Of course, you already know that!

Hang in there G. We SAA'ers got your back, brother.


Thanks TW! One more birthday to go tomorrow. My 12 year old has been quiet today. Kinda worried about him. He's upset because I don't have the money to give him what he wanted.


Me: BH 36
Her: WW 34
Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9
DDay 1-6/2009
DDay 2-9/2011
DDay 3-11/2011
Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011
Divorce final May 24, 2012
My Story



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Posts: 1,156
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Originally Posted by GJM
Originally Posted by TigerWes
Happy Birthday(s) darling children of GJM!!!!!!!!!! You have a fantastic Dad! Of course, you already know that!

Hang in there G. We SAA'ers got your back, brother.


Thanks TW! One more birthday to go tomorrow. My 12 year old has been quiet today. Kinda worried about him. He's upset because I don't have the money to give him what he wanted.

He may think today that he didn't get what he wanted for his birthday, but one day (and I predict very soon) he'll understand that he got a present from you that you just can't buy.

And that's the love of a child


Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson


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Originally Posted by TigerWes
Originally Posted by GJM
Originally Posted by TigerWes
Happy Birthday(s) darling children of GJM!!!!!!!!!! You have a fantastic Dad! Of course, you already know that!

Hang in there G. We SAA'ers got your back, brother.


Thanks TW! One more birthday to go tomorrow. My 12 year old has been quiet today. Kinda worried about him. He's upset because I don't have the money to give him what he wanted.

He may think today that he didn't get what he wanted for his birthday, but one day (and I predict very soon) he'll understand that he got a present from you that you just can't buy.

And that's the love of a child


I sat with him and told him I was sorry that I didn't have the money right now. I also said I was sorry about the situation we're in. I let him know that I love him and I'm here for him. We cried some together, but he was still quiet.


Me: BH 36
Her: WW 34
Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9
DDay 1-6/2009
DDay 2-9/2011
DDay 3-11/2011
Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011
Divorce final May 24, 2012
My Story



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Originally Posted by GJM
I worry that my children don't know just how loved they are. It stresses me out because I enforce a lot of rules on the children and hold them accountable for everything they do. I just hope they know I do it for them.

I have been pretty strict with our kids as they were growing up. Two if my kids (now 19 and 17) screwed up pretty bad here in the last few months. We were talking about it and one of them remarked to me "Dad, you can be a [censored] sometimes...Ok well... most times, but we know it's because you love us. Thanks"

Not the way I would have preferred to have it stated, but they got what we were trying to do with them over the years. It's that idea of "train a child in the way he will go, and when he gets older he will never depart from it."

Sometimes, you gotta wait til they get older, but they get it. eventually.

CV


Celtic Voyager
Married 22+ years
3 young adult children


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Just wanted to say Happy Birthday to DS9!

Wife came over this morning to vent because of work. She hasn't done that in a while. It was nice that she turned to me. I know that I am meeting a lot of her ENs. I hope eventually she will come around or I will chalk her up as not being human.

Last night I helped her write her essay for her Sheriff's dept application. She will be coming over this evening for dinner and a movie and tomorrow we should be buying DS 9 his birthday present. We should get a lot of time together the next 3 days. I'm looking forward to it....NO EXPECTATIONS.


Me: BH 36
Her: WW 34
Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9
DDay 1-6/2009
DDay 2-9/2011
DDay 3-11/2011
Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011
Divorce final May 24, 2012
My Story



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Excellent GJM.

And you're exactly right. NO EXPECTATIONS!

Do not, I repeat, do not push things. We're men, we want to fix stuff, but this is one thing you can't hurry to fix.

That's great she's turning to you to vent. Remember, when she wants to vent, she isn't looking to you for a solution, she just wants to be HEARD. If she pauses, you don't have to fill that silence by saying something. Wait 5 seconds or so and she'll probably fill that silence by talking more! So unless she asks you your opinion on something, just listen and ask probing questions to get her to talk MORE. And if she's presented a gripe about work and told you how she handled it and what do you think, tell her it sounds like she's thought things thru and came to a good solution, even if you disagree.

And look her in the eyes every chance you can while the two of you are talking. Women hate men who are distracted during conversations. Your job is to show her she's the ONLY person in the world while you're talking. And if the kids interrupt while she's talking, politely tell them Mom and Dad are talking at the moment but you will be with them shortly, and then turn back to her let her finish. She'll love it, even if she outwardly doesn't say so.

Keep up the good work. You're doing a great job of Plan A and if you end up having to go to Plan B, you're setting the stage perfectly.

H4U


Me-BH 51 FWW-51
Three sons, S28 from first marriage, S23 and S19
A started Mar 07
D-day 9-4-07
NC 4-08
Recovered Nicely.
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Originally Posted by Hopeforus
Excellent GJM.

And you're exactly right. NO EXPECTATIONS!

Do not, I repeat, do not push things. We're men, we want to fix stuff, but this is one thing you can't hurry to fix.

That's great she's turning to you to vent. Remember, when she wants to vent, she isn't looking to you for a solution, she just wants to be HEARD. If she pauses, you don't have to fill that silence by saying something. Wait 5 seconds or so and she'll probably fill that silence by talking more! So unless she asks you your opinion on something, just listen and ask probing questions to get her to talk MORE. And if she's presented a gripe about work and told you how she handled it and what do you think, tell her it sounds like she's thought things thru and came to a good solution, even if you disagree.

And look her in the eyes every chance you can while the two of you are talking. Women hate men who are distracted during conversations. Your job is to show her she's the ONLY person in the world while you're talking. And if the kids interrupt while she's talking, politely tell them Mom and Dad are talking at the moment but you will be with them shortly, and then turn back to her let her finish. She'll love it, even if she outwardly doesn't say so.

Keep up the good work. You're doing a great job of Plan A and if you end up having to go to Plan B, you're setting the stage perfectly.

H4U


Thanks H4U,

It's been a work in progress not to fix things or push things. I was there at one point and backed off a lot. Now I listen intently and smile when my W talks. I don't offer solutions or suggestions. Being here on this forum has helped me a lot. All of the posters have made great suggestions and guided me on the right path. I will admit I didn't buy into things at first, but I had more to lose if I didn't do what I was told. I don't want to question myself in the end if I did everything I could to save my marriage. So far I know that I am doing everything in my power.


Me: BH 36
Her: WW 34
Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9
DDay 1-6/2009
DDay 2-9/2011
DDay 3-11/2011
Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011
Divorce final May 24, 2012
My Story



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Charlie Mike, Gunny.


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Originally Posted by Mortarman
Charlie Mike, Gunny.


Good to see you MM,

How did everything go with the house?

Last edited by GJM; 02/02/12 12:17 PM.

Me: BH 36
Her: WW 34
Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9
DDay 1-6/2009
DDay 2-9/2011
DDay 3-11/2011
Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011
Divorce final May 24, 2012
My Story



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Originally Posted by GJM
Originally Posted by Mortarman
Charlie Mike, Gunny.


Good to see you MM,

How did everything go with the house?

Still dealing with paperwork.

Its like the banks no longer want to loan anyone money. I swear this will be my last house!


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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