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Originally Posted by mmmherb
Her at least think that you are not falling apart or dependent on her love will be at least intriguing to her. Her thinking that she does not have power over you is vital.

This is the perfect time for that response.

If I'm not falling apart and having a terrible time wouldn't I just give her the divorce she wants now?

Trust me each day is getting easier, now that I've accepted what's happening to my life!


15th anniversary on 1-18-12
D-Day 1-29-12
She moved out 2-10-12
No divorce filed yet!
She has asked for divorce several times! Normally when she's mad!
3 kids 13b, 11g, 4b
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Originally Posted by shescrazy
Ok I'll do it next time it comes up! I know it bothers her to death if she thinks I'm going out. Last weekend she came to get the kids and I had a pair of jeans on my bed. The pockets were still wet is the only reason they were there. I know it bothered he a bunch.

Me and a few buddies are leaving the weekend of the 16th to a gambling town in Colorado. My 13 year old refuses to stay at her house. I plan to take him to her brothers house. I think it's going to drive her nuts that I'm leaving to have fun. It's going to kill her that her own son won't be with her.

Just be very careful with that kind of "making her jealous" game. I think waywards are supersensible towards such activities because they are desperately looking for justifications for their own cheating. And believe me, you don't want to give her any.

Stay away from women during your trip, you are very vulnerable!


Me (FWH) 44
Mrs_Recon6mo (FWW) 42
Married 22 years
2 Children 20 and 22 years
Last D-Day for me: May 2009
Last D-Day for her: October 2008
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I'm not going to make her jealous. I'm going to have fun and get away from some of this stress.

Trust me a woman is the last thing I need right now!


15th anniversary on 1-18-12
D-Day 1-29-12
She moved out 2-10-12
No divorce filed yet!
She has asked for divorce several times! Normally when she's mad!
3 kids 13b, 11g, 4b
Joined: Apr 2011
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I say gambling with buddies while your house is on fire might not be your best option.

Your son needs you more than life ... it is best to give children even more love and care.

Once the flames are put out and your are rebuilding your home, then you can gamble with your buddies.

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Originally Posted by PrayIncessantly
Your son needs you more than life ... it is best to give children even more love and care.

Once the flames are put out and your are rebuilding your home, then you can gamble with your buddies.


This very true I don't need this trip. The 2 of us can go somewhere for the weekend.

I know for a fact OM is spending the nights at her house now! Can I legally stop him from being there when my kids are at her house??? I told her I don't want him around my kids, she said it's my house and you have no say in what happens at my house.


15th anniversary on 1-18-12
D-Day 1-29-12
She moved out 2-10-12
No divorce filed yet!
She has asked for divorce several times! Normally when she's mad!
3 kids 13b, 11g, 4b
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 3,786
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Yes - get your lawyer involved to put a paramour clause in visitation. You can protect your kids from this.

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I have a few questions before I call my lawyer.

I've done some reading and it looks like that clause is about a waste from what I've seen looking it up. It states no overnight visits. Children cannot see marital things going on with non marital partner.

Will this ruin Plan A?

Will doing this just tick her off and want a divorce right now?

What would all of you do?



15th anniversary on 1-18-12
D-Day 1-29-12
She moved out 2-10-12
No divorce filed yet!
She has asked for divorce several times! Normally when she's mad!
3 kids 13b, 11g, 4b
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It is a stick part of plan A. Get it done now! It will blow up the affair fantasy, you CAN control when they can hook up, it will blow their addled minds. It will force your wife, on a regular basis, to choose between her child and her AP. The AP won't like losing so often. Conflict ensues.


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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When they are wayward they are dangerous ... very very dangerous.

Your first job

1) Protect kids at all costs
2) Plan A (Carrot/Stick)
3) Plan B

Protect your children from OM because OM are more often than not dangerous low lifes with no values/morals/character.

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If I could, I would always try to keep the children away from the OP.

You must do what is right, always. You are fighting to keep your family intact. To do that, the affair needs to go buh-bye. So, you throw bombs at it. But, you do so because it is also the right thing.

Plan A with NO EXPECTATIONS.

Could this push your WW to get a D quicker? Sure. It could also cause her to burp.It doesn't matter what her reaction will be, it's the right thing to do, so do your best to get it done.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Originally Posted by PrayIncessantly
Protect your children from OM because OM are more often than not dangerous low lifes with no values/morals/character.


Zero morals/morals or character in that house right now! This entire thing blows my mind! I can't believe she has lost it this bad!


15th anniversary on 1-18-12
D-Day 1-29-12
She moved out 2-10-12
No divorce filed yet!
She has asked for divorce several times! Normally when she's mad!
3 kids 13b, 11g, 4b
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
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Originally Posted by shescrazy
Originally Posted by PrayIncessantly
Protect your children from OM because OM are more often than not dangerous low lifes with no values/morals/character.


Zero morals/morals or character in that house right now! This entire thing blows my mind! I can't believe she has lost it this bad!

Very typical wayward behaviour sadly.

Speaking of OM and their low morals, is there any way you could hire a PI to find out info on him? It is possible that there are some skeletons that you could use to ensure he stays away from your children at all times.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Originally Posted by Scotland
Speaking of OM and their low morals, is there any way you could hire a PI to find out info on him? It is possible that there are some skeletons that you could use to ensure he stays away from your children at all times.


His dad is in prison for child porn for probably another 6 years. His uncle got kicked out of town several years ago for dealing drugs. His brother is a freak and everyone in town knows it. His sister just moved out of same house mom/ grandma/him and left 2 of her 3 kids there. I know for a fact he used to do drugs.


15th anniversary on 1-18-12
D-Day 1-29-12
She moved out 2-10-12
No divorce filed yet!
She has asked for divorce several times! Normally when she's mad!
3 kids 13b, 11g, 4b
Joined: Dec 2007
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Originally Posted by shescrazy
The wife and just talked a long time. It started off about the kids. Then went on to her telling me she is happy now and has moved on. She wants me to do the same so we can have a nice easy divorce soon and still be friends.

#€#^�{~' this crap is driving me crazy!!!

Normal WW response to get you to roll over promising to be your friend. Also to get a divorce from you without her having to pay much money. With money being tight you force the OM to fail her need for financial assistance. This has to make WW think I'm putting out for the OM and he won't help me to be free to marry me. Wait why doesn't OM want me to be free. Wait maybe OM just wants to use me.

Originally Posted by shescrazy
We talked nice the entire time. I told her I haven't moved on with my life yet and still can't file for divorce. I told her I'm slowly getting over it and trying to be happy in life.


Your response is not normal for a BH doing MB.

Simple to the point: I don't talk divorce. Talk divorce to my lawyer. I have no interest in being and will not be your friend if a divorce goes through.

This guy is great at complaining but not much at doing:

Example:

MB Vet: Have your lawyer fight to prevent the OM having contact with OM when they stay with WW.

Given motivation from MB Vet: Having WW chose kids over OM will make OM mad, maybe mad enough to dump WW because he is always losing to her kids.

From sHEScrazy: It usually doesn't work so I won't bother to fight the affair on this.

sHEScrazy is such an expert at picking and chosing.

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I'm still learning all of this! Now that I'm accepting what's happening it's getting easier!

I just made an appointment for a meeting with my lawyer at 9;30 Friday!

The secretary wasn't sure if we could stop OM from being around my kids but was sure I could get temporary custody!


15th anniversary on 1-18-12
D-Day 1-29-12
She moved out 2-10-12
No divorce filed yet!
She has asked for divorce several times! Normally when she's mad!
3 kids 13b, 11g, 4b
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 127
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I've been lining things up all morning. I work 4 ten hour days per week, so I leave for work before kids are up. I've got family lined up to help with youngest in the mornings. Daycare is ready if I need it.

Am I forgetting anything?


15th anniversary on 1-18-12
D-Day 1-29-12
She moved out 2-10-12
No divorce filed yet!
She has asked for divorce several times! Normally when she's mad!
3 kids 13b, 11g, 4b
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 127
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I've been thinking and when the lawyer does whatever he can do to keep my kids from being around him. She is going to flip out!!! I just hope she chooses her kids over him.

Don't I have to goto court to get temporary custody?

When she flips out, I'm sure that's when tons of lies will start flying. I'm sure she will run me into the ground anyway she can.

What kind of stuff can I expect so I'm ready for what she has to dish out?


15th anniversary on 1-18-12
D-Day 1-29-12
She moved out 2-10-12
No divorce filed yet!
She has asked for divorce several times! Normally when she's mad!
3 kids 13b, 11g, 4b
Joined: Jun 2008
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You should go ahead and buy a VAR now. We advise lots of BHs to do this because abuse allegations are common from WWs. However I would check out the laws regarding recording in your state/area first.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Practice not reacting. Be like stone. Unless and until you go into a proper plan B, avoid discussing anything that could possibly get heated. Practice, also, changing the subject. She may call you up railing about how controlling you are and how that is what ruined the marriage; practice responding with something like, "yes, I have control over what I do and fighting for our marriage is what I am doing now. I got a bill from doctor whatsit's office for little bobby's visit last week, I can go ahead and pay that unless you were already planning to take care of it."

Search for reverse fog babble on this site, it will help prepare you for the inevitable onslaught of babble.


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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Thank God somebody said it (nice job, TheRoad!).

ShesCrazy....look, you are going to need to get this very quickly if you have ANY chance of saving your marriage and family. Ready?

First, your responses the last two days are NOT MB responses and actually HELP her do what she is doing. How?

You talk to her about how you are not moving on YET but you are working on it. Or something like that. Why would you say things like this? To her its "Okay, he isnt quite where I am...but he is getting there. So, eventually, he'll be where I am at, we can end this nice and clean and we'll be the best of friends as we raise our children."

Bllleeeeecccchhh!!!

You keep giving her the impression that you are going to assist her in this...and you might as well file tomorrow.

Dude, you are going to need to get a grasp on this fast.

TheRoad stated it well. "Honey, I am not getting a divorce. I am not filing. I am here taking care of our family...all of it (which includes you). I will do whatever it takes to protect this family, even from your actions. You of course are free to seek divorce anytime you wish. But understand we will not be friends in divorce. As a matter of fact, we will not even talk in divorce. Once divorced, we will never talk again. Your expectations are very skewed. The family does not want what you are doing and where you are taking us. None of us...me, our kids, want this. So, we will continue to function as a family and awat your return."

And then, you go out, you get your attorney to do what he can to keep your kids away from the OP. In Virginia, having the paramour around the kids is a HUGE no-no. I dont know what state you are in, but you need your attorney to do what he needs to.

I won in court twice against my wife...and we still recovered. But that is because I defended my family. I put my foot down and said "you may destroy yourself, but you will not destroy the rest of us." And I kept the family together and functioning until she was able to have her cranial-rectal extraction.

You are in a dangerous time right now. Getting this right is paramount.


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

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