The Judge signed the papers on Friday 3/16/12. I still hate that this happened, but I refuse to live like that any longer. At least I am no longer being cheated on.

I still come to this site quite often and read the threads. I just want to say thanks to those who tried to help and support me. I'm not healed yet, but I'm on my way.

Don't get lost, friend. Your voice can easily help others.

LostNtime, My divorce was final 16 months ago and I still come here. Sometimes I offer my thoughts and sometimes I read what others have to say about their perspective and how they heal or don't heal. I find it all helpful. I hope you'll stick around.

Oh, and I just wanted to add that, while life is good and I consider myself "almost" recovered, I still wake up some mornings with the thought, "I can't believe I'm divorced" or "I can't believe he cheated and trashed our marriage." I'm not sure that will ever go away.

You're not alone. The judge signed our papers on Monday 3/12/12. I, too, hate that it happened, but like you refused to live a lie.

I spent a lot of time on this site trying to save my marriage. It didn't work, but not because of a lack of effort on my part, and not because I didn't get a lot of help and support here.

I also intend to continue to come to this site and to post when I think I may be able to help someone.

Yes, our marriages are finished, but life goes on. Let the healing continue. Stay with us, LostNtime - we can all help each other.

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I do plan to post when I feel I may be of some assistance, however at the moment, I feel like a failure. I know that I did a LOT to contribute to the demise of our marriage although it was WW decision to leave me and put POSOM first in her life. I know I would have never divorced her over anything other than this and still wouldn't have if she had ever gotten away from POSOM and defogged. His drugs and easy money are just too much for her to resist apparently. She needs to hit rock bottom and get help.

I feel if I hadn't filed and followed through, OM would be six feet under and I would be sitting in jail right now. Since we have no kids together, she is not worth it. I know the woman I knew as my wife is dead and I have spent a year mourning the loss and will continue to for a while.

I did have to get off this site completely for a while as it still triggers me sometimes. I have learned a lot about myself and the error of my ways of thinking when it comes to a releationship.

I do have a question if anyone has any experience on this. When I filled out the property agreement, I put on there that she owes 3100.00 on one of my credit cards. She signed it, but to get that money I will have to sue her. Anyone ever done that and if so, what is your experience?

I also made the mistake the other day of looking at her facebook page. Mistake, big trigger seeing that profile pic of the two meth heads all snuggled up together that she put on there March 9th. But I did consider posting on her wall and stating the truth about her having this drug induced affair. Not sure if I should or just let it go. Not even sure I can post to her wall.

Let it go. Nothing good can come from putting negative stuff on her wall and she will just delete it.

LostNTime,

I think the best revenge at this time is to live your life well without her, and to make it clear that you are no longer friends and never will be friends again. Her meth addicted bf is now her backup plan.

If you know info. to send her meth bf to jail well that's another story, I have no compassion for OMs.

God Bless
Gamma

Yeah my taker is rearing his head today. I have no info and no way to get any. I'm sure they will hang themselves eventually. The final D should put pressure on OM as he is not even divorced lol. You wanted her, you got her and AAAALLLL the crap that comes with her! I'm still sure he is using her just to put the multitude of assets they have aquired in the past year in her name to hide them. She has invested everything in him, he has invested nothing. They still live in his parents garage for pete's sake!

As far as sueing her, I'm sure I will never see a dime of it, but if it hurts her credit or her check gets garnished, it might be worth it. But then there is that taker again.

What time I've spent thinking about her today is detrimental and a waste of time. Controlling my thoughts can be challenging at times tho. Still working on it.....

Sue her.

Take whatever you get and donate it to a drug-eradication program in your geography - in HER name. Post THAT on her Facebook.

Have a cold one, put your feet up, and laugh.

Stop that!

You are not a failure! Hey, we all contributed to our failed marriages - I take 50% responsibility for our marriage getting to the point where WW was unhappy, but I take 0% responsibility for her decision to bring another man into our relationship instead of trying to fix what was wrong.
You and I and many, many others here made a lot of mistakes in our relationships, but we have learned and are better for it. That's not failure, that's progress!

And STOP checking her FB page! It will only trigger bad stuff, as you found out.

LMAO. That would be a good one. That does remind me of something I should have done a few months ago but didn't think of it at the time.

The MO Narcotics Officers Association called me wanting a donation.........

I did give them an earful about my situation and how judges will just set them free but I did give a donation. They then send this package and in it is a window sticker for the MO NOA. If I had thought of it, I would have had them send it to POSOM's garage address with my name on it

Thanks Linus. I do get the DivorceCare daily emails and according to them, its a normal feeling after divorce. I will get over it tho. But you are right, its not failure its progress.

I also believe, or maybe just trying to convice myself, based on her history, that it wouldn't have mattered what I did or didn't do. WxW is a serial cheater and this has been her pattern her entire life. She HAS to have a second secret life. Her entire family has a wayward mindset, yet proclaim they are Christians, especially her brother. Her mom just enables her by looking the other way.

As far as revenge on the OM.....she will be my revenge....guaranteed!

Yeah I'm staying off facebook. My taker wants me to destroy her life and I've got plenty of ammo to do it, but that just keeps me from letting go and moving on, which is my goal.

I am very lucky in some ways. I can move anywhere in the country and still work my same job as all I need is a high speed internet connection and a phone. Right now I'm in TN staying with my mom for a while. Not sure how long I can deal with that tho lol. I had my house refied and have the payment down to where it shouldn't be a problem anymore, however I will put it back up for sale beginning next month. My plan is to move to Knoxville to be closer to my mom so I can help her out when needed, and not have to live in that terrible county she lives in.

In the mean time, I will live part time in TN and part time in MO.

Thats always been my plan from the start of this. But apparently it wasn't God's will as he didn't start opening those doors for me until late last year. If he will provide a buyer for my house, then it is His will and I will be good to go!

Hey Lost, glad to hear that you made the move and are away from all of that mess.

While I really like NG's suggestion to sue over the credit card money, I'd either do it quickly, get it over with and never speak her name again or let it go now and never speak her name again.

Close that chapter ASAP, in other words.

Thanks NW. I believe I will just let it all go. Unless she pees me off somehow

I still can't believe she signed it. She did try to argue about it but I told her if she did not, then I would bring her and OM into court so they could explain how she aquired in her name a cabin cruiser boat, an 94 vette, a truck for her son, and the OM's truck all in one summer and in her name.

Last I heard from her, they argue alot and she was about to loose her job because they think she is on drugs and she just can't figure out why they think that. HELLO!

The emotional part of me wants to keep in contact just to watch it fall apart, which it will. The logical part of me says, who gives a rats a$$!

I think I will go with, who gives a rats a$$!

Sounds like she has a lot of assets that could be attached or sold off to pay what she owes you if you sued...

Her having to sell OM's truck to pay her share of the credit card bill has a slight whiff of justice to it. Sue 'em and screw 'em!

Yeah it would have some justice to it for all us BS's. All those things mentioned are actually POSOM's, according to WxW. When I asked her last year why they were in her name she says, 'cause he said if I ever leave I can take them with me'

I told her he was just using her to hide his assets bought with drug money and then I went and filed for D. "He's not doing that! He's changed!" I wanted no legal connection to her. The fog is thick with this one.

Getting the judgement against her would be easy enough, but collecting would be a whole other story. I doubt its worth the effort but I can still hold it over her head if needed down the road.

Yes, you definitely do not want to be connected with her.

When this drug business of his blows up you want to be as far away as possible.