Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 5 of 59 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 58 59
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by looking_for_help
She is leaving but I feel like it is to get some space from all the pressure and stress that is between us so she can think more clearly.

That is fogbabble. She is leaving to carry on her affair. She can go in the bathroom and "think" if she needs space. Offer to clear out a corner of the garage and put a little chair out there for her if she needs some "space." That way she doesn't have to tear apart your family.

Please stop posting this nonsense.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 436
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 436
LFH,

When a wayward is caught, they will swear that it is all over, devulge just enough details about it so that the BS will think they have told the truth about it all and that its over.

The whole point of this is to get out from all the stress that discovery has brought about, and CONTINUE their affair. They will show the BS, or more likely TELL the BS just enough about their current activities so that the BS will BELIEVE their lies. A good liar always interjects some truth into their lies so that it is believable. WS's are good liars.

At that point, it goes deeper undergound as the WS pretends to be working on their marriage. This is so that they can claim that they tried, but it just didn't work. Now during this period, it may be too difficult for them to meet physically, but they are still in contact via, email, text, secret phone etc. This contact is what keeps the WS in the fog and unwilling, possible unable, to allow her ENs to met by the BS.

Once a bit of time has past, the WS can then separate from the BS, claiming they tried, but its over and AP had nothing to do with it as the WS was not in contact at all with the AP during this time and just does not love the BS anymore.

In the mind of a wayward, this will allow acceptance of the WS and AP as a couple in they eyes of the public, family, etc. and their divorce was not due to an affair.

Sounding a bit familiar?

Exposure by the BS to get the TRUTH out, destroys this fantasy.


Me = BH
DDay Dec. 2010
D filed Oct 2011 (by me)
D final 3/16/12
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 542
R
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 542
What if she has already left? Will the exposure that I plan to do still be effective?

She has packed but hasn't actually went to her sister's house yet. If she goes for tonight without the kids am I too late?

Last edited by looking_for_help; 03/21/12 02:30 PM.
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 542
R
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 542
I have spoken to her sister and asked her if she would help me save this by watching and questioning her while she's there.

When she was staying at her sister's house before, her sister and brother-in-law were not staying there. They were staying with her sister's other-in-law that was dying of cancer. So they are willing to help keep an eye on her. Will that help at all?

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by looking_for_help
What if she has already left? Will the exposure that I plan to do still be effective?

She has packed but hasn't actually went to her sister's house yet. If she goes for tonight without the kids am I too late?

Nope! It will make no difference.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 436
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 436
Originally Posted by looking_for_help
What if she has already left? Will the exposure that I plan to do still be effective?

She has packed but hasn't actually went to her sister's house yet. If she goes for tonight without the kids am I too late?

Yes the exposure will still be effective and no its not too late. You have been given some great advice here LFH. Mel is the BEST at this. The longer you delay to do what you need to do, the less your chances of saving your marriage.


Me = BH
DDay Dec. 2010
D filed Oct 2011 (by me)
D final 3/16/12
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
You need to let her know that you will not cooperate with the separation and will be filing for primary custody and possession of the house on grounds of ADULTERY. When that is filed, the OM will be subpoenaed into court to give sworn testimony about his affair. All of their emails, cell phone records, etc will be subpeonaed in discovery.

It is real important that you get in there NOW and paint a very ugly picture of her future if she pursues her affair. And don't act like you don't fully understand that she is leaving for her affair.

She needs to know NOW that you will not cooperate with her destructive plan and you will not be her "friend." <-----I need you tell her exactly that. Tell her if she goes through with this crazy pursuit of her affair that you will not cooperate and you will not be her friend.

And don't tell her you plan on exposing the affair.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 542
R
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 542
ML,

Please clarify. The exposure will make no difference if she's gone or after she's gone the exposure is no longer useful?

Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 542
R
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 542
What if I do tell her and she leaves tonight anyway to think about what I say or something like that?

Since she is on the way back from picking the girls up at school. What if I get her to wait until the weekend to decide. That way I have a little more time with you to come up with a full plan?

Last edited by looking_for_help; 03/21/12 02:45 PM.
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 542
R
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 542
Isn't her being totally removed from me until she's over the affair part of Plan B?

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by looking_for_help
ML,

Please clarify. The exposure will make no difference if she's gone or after she's gone the exposure is no longer useful?

The exposure will be useful whether she is there or not. Even though she is gone, you will still want to try and save your marriage.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 436
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 436
Originally Posted by looking_for_help
What if I do tell her and she leaves tonight anyway to think about what I say or something like that?

Since she is on the way back from picking the girls up at school. What if I get her to wait until the weekend to decide. That way I have a little more time with you to come up with a full plan?

LFH, Mel doesn't need any time to come up with a full plan. She already has one, the MB plan.

DO NOT THREATEN EXPOSURE! Just do it. If you threaten so she will back down, she will just tell her 'version' first and try to make you look like a jealous controlling husband and for them to expect a crazy email from you. And she will leave anyway.


Me = BH
DDay Dec. 2010
D filed Oct 2011 (by me)
D final 3/16/12
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by looking_for_help
What if I do tell her and she leaves tonight anyway to think about what I say or something like that?

Since she is on the way back from picking the girls up at school. What if I get her to wait until the weekend to decide. That way I have a little more time with you to come up with a full plan?

I would go to her today and tell her your decision. Tell her what I explained above, that you won't be cooperating with any "separation" scheme and paint a very ugly picture of her future if she does.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Did you read this, lfh?

Originally Posted by MelodyLane
You need to let her know that you will not cooperate with the separation and will be filing for primary custody and possession of the house on grounds of ADULTERY. When that is filed, the OM will be subpoenaed into court to give sworn testimony about his affair. All of their emails, cell phone records, etc will be subpeonaed in discovery.

It is real important that you get in there NOW and paint a very ugly picture of her future if she pursues her affair. And don't act like you don't fully understand that she is leaving for her affair.

She needs to know NOW that you will not cooperate with her destructive plan and you will not be her "friend." <-----I need you tell her exactly that. Tell her if she goes through with this crazy pursuit of her affair that you will not cooperate and you will not be her friend.

And don't tell her you plan on exposing the affair.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 542
R
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 542
I read some of the Plan B and under certain circumstances separation may be worth the risk. Hear me out and then reply...

When we're together I have the need to be talking about our situation ALL the time. She gets tired of hearing it and says that she can't even think about repairing things. Does that change the view of whether she should get some time away from me at her sister's while I do the exposing and initiate the plan?

Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 542
R
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 542
ML,
I did read that.

Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 542
R
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 542
I have to go up and help with the kids' supper. I'll be back on later to see if y'all are online.

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by looking_for_help
I read some of the Plan B and under certain circumstances separation may be worth the risk. Hear me out and then reply...

It is not time to be discussing Plan B AT ALL so just put that aside. It is not warranted here.

Quote
When we're together I have the need to be talking about our situation ALL the time. She gets tired of hearing it and says that she can't even think about repairing things. Does that change the view of whether she should get some time away from me at her sister's while I do the exposing and initiate the plan?

Once again, you are posting fogbabble, my friend. She wants to get away from you so she can resume her affair. If she needs to "think" and get some "space" she can do that in the bathroom or a corner in the garage. A person does not need to separate to think.

She is gaslighting you.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Let me explain your wife's mindset to you so you understand what you are dealing with. Your wife is addicted to the OM. It is an addiction very much like a heroin or alcohol addiction. She will say anything to you to get her "fix" and keep you off her back.

Understand that she is high on an affair. She is the falling down drunk. So when the falling down drunk tells you he needs some "space" what he really means is that he wants to get away from you so he can GO TO THE BAR AND GET A DRINK.

That is all your wife wants. Women don't leave their homes and abandon their children so they can go "think." She can go think in any room of her house. No, it would take a powerful addiction to get her out of her home.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 542
R
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 542
When discussing this earlier she was very adamant about having equal acces to the kids which i thought was very "final" sounding.

Page 5 of 59 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 58 59

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
1 members (1 invisible), 140 guests, and 52 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Qwerty1234, Overcomer4513, caraduke, Convict20, GTNY
71,738 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,550
Posts2,322,811
Members71,738
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5