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I guess people just dont want to help as much as I was hoping.

You've got to appeal to the American psyche - unmitigated and total selfishness! Stop playing fair with her family!

LFH to Grandma: You do realize that the effects of divorce upon young children like YOUR GRANDKIDS are highly negative and destructive. Of course, I'll also be pursuing restrictions on having the kids anywhere near POSOM, which, since she's decided to be with him, will limit their time with HER, and through that, with YOU! I was hoping you'd help me prevent this. If not......

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I'm having trouble this morning dealing with the things WW has said over the past few weeks. She has said stuff like "I wanted to leave in the beginning of our marriage", "I have never been able to love anyone like I love OM", "I have been unhappy the whole time".

I don't know whether this is the affair talking or if these things have some truth to them. If they do have truth then how we move past these?

I know I'm thinking WAY into the future of this thing but I guess I'm trying to evaluate whether this is what I want as well. Advice on this?

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I've been thinking about the best way (for me) to contact the OM and let him know about the negatives of continuing the affair.

MelodyLane, I know you told me to call or visit but what I'm afraid will happen is that I will lose my cool and my temper and things will go south very quickly. If that happens, I know I'll forget to say certain very important things no matter if I have them written down or not. I REALLY want to talk to him to tell him the things I want to say but my fear is that I'll lose control if I do.

So, would emailing him AND Facebooking (to be sure he gets the message)him work as well if I don't think I can keep a cool head if I were to talk to him?

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
I'm having trouble this morning dealing with the things WW has said over the past few weeks. She has said stuff like "I wanted to leave in the beginning of our marriage", "I have never been able to love anyone like I love OM", "I have been unhappy the whole time".

I don't know whether this is the affair talking or if these things have some truth to them. If they do have truth then how we move past these?

I know I'm thinking WAY into the future of this thing but I guess I'm trying to evaluate whether this is what I want as well. Advice on this?

You need to ignore her comments about your marriage because she is high on her addiction to the OM. She is rewriting history to accommodate her comparison of your marriage to a FANTASY affair. It is like a heroin addict deciding that his past was all boring and useless because he has a new point of comparison. She won't feel like this when her affair crumbles and she falls back in love with you.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
MelodyLane, I know you told me to call or visit but what I'm afraid will happen is that I will lose my cool and my temper and things will go south very quickly. If that happens, I know I'll forget to say certain very important things no matter if I have them written down or not. I REALLY want to talk to him to tell him the things I want to say but my fear is that I'll lose control if I do.

DON'T send him a letter. If you think you will lose your cool, take a friend and confront him face to face. Remember, this guy is a worm and a coward so he will be scared of you. OM are yellow dog cowards. Do you have a friend who is a big bouncer or body builder who will agree to hold you back if you want to punch his lights out?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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If you send him an email you will signal that you are afraid of him and he will send your email around and make fun of it. You need to go face that punk man to man - with a big friend.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Thanks for the encouraging words about the things she is saying. They make me feel pretty hopeless that even if/when the affair ends she will still not love me or be in love with me anymore.

I don't have any big friends like that but I'm gonna concentrate on NOT losing control of my temper over the phone. I very much DISLIKE the OM right now and he's really the last person I want to talk to. I DO want to tell him that it will never work out and that he should leave her alone though because I want my wife back!!

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Oh and no luck finding his parents yet either.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
Thanks for the encouraging words about the things she is saying. They make me feel pretty hopeless that even if/when the affair ends she will still not love me or be in love with me anymore.

I don't have any big friends like that but I'm gonna concentrate on NOT losing control of my temper over the phone. I very much DISLIKE the OM right now and he's really the last person I want to talk to. I DO want to tell him that it will never work out and that he should leave her alone though because I want my wife back!!

I like that idea! I think you will be better off with a phone call. Write out your talking points and be sure and let him know that he needs to leave your wife alone. Don't tell him your feelings or try to reason with him. Just be firm and tell him that you are prepared to make his life HELL if he doesn't buzz off.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
Oh and no luck finding his parents yet either.

Keep looking!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I'm compiling my list of items that I want to be sure to mention when I call the OM. Anything in particular I need to add?

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
I'm compiling my list of items that I want to be sure to mention when I call the OM. Anything in particular I need to add?

What does this rat do for a living?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I'm trying to verify that but I'm pretty sure he works for the city in our area. Not sure which department (water, power, etc).

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
I'm trying to verify that but I'm pretty sure he works for the city in our area. Not sure which department (water, power, etc).

Thanks. I just wanted to know if he was a pastor or a teacher. In certain occupations you can really get them in trouble. Doesn't sound like he is in one of those occupations. Your best bet comes from exposing to his friends and family. If you don't see his parents on there, include a line to his contacts to ask the parents to call you.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I've FB'ed 3 of his relatives. He really doesn't have many relatives that are "find-able".

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
I've FB'ed 3 of his relatives. He really doesn't have many relatives that are "find-able".

And his married friends? They are a good target.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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A couple other points that I have been thinking about might be positive points are the facts that I don't really think he wants a "relationship" with my wife...he just wants to get laid and the fact that not many single early 30's guys want to get involved with a woman with 2 kids and an ex that will always be around.

Maybe I'm trying to keep myself positive but I have been thinking about those 2 points quite a bit today.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
I don't really think he wants a "relationship" with my wife...he just wants to get laid and the fact that not many single early 30's guys want to get involved with a woman with 2 kids and an ex that will always be around.

That is exactly right. And that is exactly WHY you need to raise holy hell with him. It will not be worth it to him and he will be easy to run off. Cause HAVOC in his life by exposing the affair and calling him up and raising hell. Tell him you will make his life a living hell if he doesn't buzz off. Tell him you will have him dragged into court, etc, etc, etc.

But FIRST send out a bunch more exposure messages to his facebook friends. He needs to be hearing this from his friends.

You might even send his workplace a letter and tell htem that their employee is using company time to pursue an affair with your wife. Use some of the verbiage on the workplace exposure letter. Even though it is not a workplace affair, you can insinuate that they need to investigate this RAT to see if he is using company resources to conduct his affair. [cell phone, email, etc]


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Here is the message you send to that POS:



"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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I totally get your meaning but that made me laugh...which is something I haven't done much of lately.

Thanks ML!

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