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Wow this thread is timely for me...I know it is old, but someone linked it from the newer thread about serial cheaters.

My ds11 is going through a really really rough patch right now...and XH is convinced that if only I would 'accept' XH's relationship with OW that ds would as well and we would all be happy.

My head has been spinning around about this for days now....I really truly want to do the right thing for our ds. I don't see though how it would do him a favor to call darkness light.

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Ok here is my fantasy story
We live in a no fault state.
So a given she'll get kids, cause i of course am f'ed up
lately she has been talking....I will keep the house and the kids in it and she will live with ow
Then she will pick them up from school every day and take them to my house where she will make dinner and put them to bed. Then go back to fantasy land w ow

do i let it go for now just to get the house and the kids under my roof then move in a year or two for full custody????

or just start the big ugly's and fight for the fight
I figure the fight will cost me half, only half

but livin with the kids would be grand
livin with a committed wife and kids would b ideal

but should i just keep quiet and get what i can get cause she is sooooooo foggy and pushing the fantasy divorce thing.

I did push her a little and she threatened to move them an hour and a half away.

dont know what to do......need help




Me: BH 40
WW 39
S13, D9
Married 15 yrs together 19!!!
D Day July 11,2011
WW in P.A. with OW
WW wants D
Almost done
Former Tryingtofeelgood
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LOL this thread is funny.

What WH wants:
For us to be "friends" he tells me he doesnt want to lose my friendship...
...did I mention that he doesnt want to "lose" OW either? LOL LOL LOL
This dude even had the nerve to tell me that he did not care if he had a gf, or if I had a bf, that he still wants me. Whaaaatttt? Wow, WSs have no sense.

Im glad I saw this thread. It gave me a few good laughs.


BS-me
1 child

Matthew 5:44 (CEV)
"But I tell you to love your enemies and pray for anyone who mistreats you"
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Originally Posted by itistoughlove
He threw that part of life out like trash. mad Poof - It is gone, all because he thinks POSOW will give him the moon. My popcorn is in place, and I am ready to watch a good movie.

I feel the same way!! Lights, camera, ACTION!! :-)


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Matthew 5:44 (CEV)
"But I tell you to love your enemies and pray for anyone who mistreats you"
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Well, courts are loathe to change a current and working arrangement. Write down who has the kids when, and keep at it, and you're more likely to get a favorable settlement.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Bump, what a fantastic thread!

Mine was getting very morose and unhappy (still hiding the fact he was in an A) but told me about this couple he knew who had separated then got back toghether 'because they'd stayed friends'

He got genuinely angry when I said 'But I don't want to stay friends with you if you choose to break my heart and cast me off for no good reason'

After Exposure, he said he was very angry but that when he and I had calmed down we would have to speak about the separation in order to be 'grown up' and 'civilised'. My reply was 1)I am grown up, calm and civil and 2) Um no we don't.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Originally Posted by Mulan
Here's another aspect that they never think of:

When my XWH was married, I don't think he realized what an attractive feature his marriage was for the low-life, no-self-respect, trashy loser gold-digging women he was dating (most of whom worked for him).

For them to get a married man to date them, it's a case of, "Oooh, look at this! He's MARRIED, but he's ignoring his wife for ME. He's lying to his wife for ME. That's how special **I** am! He's treating his OWN WIFE like she's nothing so he can be with ME instead! OOOH, I'M SO SO SPECIAL!!!!"

But not any more.

Now he's just another divorced loser trying to score some free a$$, just like 10,000 other guys in the same workplace or in the same bar or at the same party.

And he's also pushing 50 years old and is overweight and losing his hair. His wife never minded those things, but the hot cheap chicks he's so enamored with won't be so impressed.

Ah, well, it'll all be okay as long as his money holds out. As long as the hot cheap chicks think he'll spend his money on them instead of on his honor student son's college education, no worries. They'll keep hanging around and he'll keep thinking everybody else is just soooo impressed at all the p*ssy the old man gets. And he's made it clear he does not care about anything else in this world.

I told him once that in the end, I would have nothing left for him but pity. And I don't. I really don't.
Mulan


Well, the joke's on me - when I posted this, he'd already been married to Wifey #2 for six months!


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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Having a WS say that you should all get along and be nice during and after divorce because it's "civilized" is right out of the script, too - but there is nothing "civilized" about destroying your own family. Don't fall for that one, either.


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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WH is certainly fantasizing that we can be great friends after divorce. I was talking to him yesterday about our upcoming separation, and asked him what he would like our relationship to be like after the separation/divorce...talking, spending time together, eating dinner together? He said, Yes, then added, kind of sighing, I suppose you'd want a romantic relationship? I said, well, if we were working towards marriage, yes, otherwise, probably no relationship at all. He just doesn't get it at all!


Me, BS: 35
WxH: 36 "HAM" Hearts a mess
6yo DS (with WxH), 9 and 12yo DDs from first marriage
Discovered DH's affair in June, 2011
"I'm not having an affair, you're crazy." major gaslighting
Served with divorce papers on 2/3/12
Divorce final 7/29/2013
Living day by day, counting my blessings, loving my children
Personal Recovery well underway!
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Originally Posted by Mulan
Well, the joke's on me - when I posted this, he'd already been married to Wifey #2 for six months!

The joke wasn't on you.
You are one quality woman working through making sense of it all.
The joke is on them. They think what they have is special. It isn't.

He affaired and then later married down.

You proved your worth as a spouse and he was blind to seeing the precious gem you proved to be.

Though you have been treated with cruelty, it was never about you. You suffer the sorrow but you do not create it.

And, btw, I think your kids are doing the best they can given the mess. It hurts when they participate in their Dad's life in such a seemingly supportive way but they don't have a manual how to maneuver the craziness.


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Originally Posted by reading
The joke wasn't on you.


I couldnt agree more.

The titles of husband and wife means nothing when they are both renters. Both she and he are still on the treadmill of chasing the impossible - creating something as solid as a marriage out of moonbeams, dew and of course, fog.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Originally Posted by indiegirl
Bump, what a fantastic thread!

Mine was getting very morose and unhappy (still hiding the fact he was in an A) but told me about this couple he knew who had separated then got back together 'because they'd stayed friends'

He got genuinely angry when I said 'But I don't want to stay friends with you if you choose to break my heart and cast me off for no good reason'

After Exposure, he said he was very angry but that when he and I had calmed down we would have to speak about the separation in order to be 'grown up' and 'civilised'. My reply was 1)I am grown up, calm and civil and 2) Um no we don't.
Indie, I know all wayward's follow the same script, but I am getting worried your WH and mine are the same, it is just too close!

My WH was telling me if I gave him "space" and "time" we would get back together. At one point when I repeated that his BIL was saying he was having an affair (prior to D Day), WH got VERY angry and berated me. The next day he was emailing and calling that he wanted us to remain "civil", and a week later, he wanted me to stay his "best friend".

He even mentioned that I should go live with his sister!

Still before D Day, I told WH that I was not sure I would want to remain friends whilst separated, that I needed to think about this and wasn't sure I would contact him again. Guess what? He started calling me.


Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.

WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.

Plan B has set me free.

"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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Originally Posted by reading
Originally Posted by Mulan
Well, the joke's on me - when I posted this, he'd already been married to Wifey #2 for six months!

The joke wasn't on you.
You are one quality woman working through making sense of it all.
The joke is on them. They think what they have is special. It isn't.

He affaired and then later married down.

You proved your worth as a spouse and he was blind to seeing the precious gem you proved to be.

Though you have been treated with cruelty, it was never about you. You suffer the sorrow but you do not create it.
Great post reading.

I agree. Mulan, the joke was never on you. They believe what they have is unique, whereas the love and commitment you showed WH was the unique thing. Affairs are a dime a dozen. REAL love and commitment aren't.

If he never gets it, his loss. You have shown who you are, in the face of adversity. You still fought for what is right.

I am likely to face my WH having an affairage. I know it, I expect it. It hurts. I hope I get told of the marriage date but doubt I will. I have learned from your posts, that it is better to be told than find out unexpectedly.

Reading your posts has made me cherish the SIL who told me of the OC even more than I first did. That must not have been easy for her, and I am glad I sent her a thank you acknowledging how difficult that must have been but how grateful I am.

The thing is Mulan, your WH turned his back on your commitment and love, seeking a new life. It really does say more about him, his flaws, than you.

Would you trade places?

I wouldn't.


Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.

WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.

Plan B has set me free.

"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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