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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Here is a list of lovebusters:
Selfish Demands
Disrespectful Judgments
Angry Outbursts
Annoying Habits
Independent Behavior
Dishonesty
See? None of those include declining to run errands. In fact, Dr Harley makes it very clear that you should NOT sacrifice. Making sacrifices is bad for marriages because it creates resentment and disrespect.
Lovebusters


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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I guess all my efforts were for nothing. She called tonight to tell me she filed the D papers.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
I guess all my efforts were for nothing. She called tonight to tell me she filed the D papers.

Stick with the plan! Do you live in a state that is no fault? Did I ask you that?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Stick with the plan? I'm really not trying to be rude or anything so please dont take me wrong but what can be done now? I asked her why and she said she is just not happy here anymore. Stupid reason I know.

I do live in a no fault state. I am prepared to call my lawyer tomorrow morning as well as change the door locks.

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I'm gonna try to get some sleep. If you have advice or dont want me to contact my lawyer tomorrow, post something and I'll check in the morning. Thanks for helping.

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Filing for divorce is not the end by a long shot. It is just a part of the process. Don't let it shake you up. Just be prepared to countersue and get yourself some good legal protection.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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lf, I know you are upset about this, but we have had many marriages that were saved even after divorce was filed. It doesn't mean your marriage is over.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I know most of you are not out of bed much less online yet, but I'm not sure where to go from here. Do I take my lawyers advice and change the door locks and withdraw any money in joint accounts or just keep on the way I have been?

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Filing for divorce is not the end by a long shot. It is just a part of the process. Don't let it shake you up. Just be prepared to countersue and get yourself some good legal protection.
What's wrong with this advice you were given?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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IMO (and I am not a vet) protect yourself financially. Definitely protect joint finances, do not allow WW to finance her affair with joint marital property.

As for changing the locks... aren't you in Plan A? The vets seem to be recommending Plan A.

Let your lawyer show WW the stick of Plan A, by all means. It ain't gonna be rosy if that is what WW thinks. You will fight to protect yourself financially.

As for carrot... show yourself to be the James Bond of Plan A.


Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.

WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.

Plan B has set me free.

"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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Brain,

Absolutely nothing is wrong with the advice I get on here. I'm just afraid that if I don't start protecting myself she will continue to take advantage of me leaving everything open.

So am I assuming when I say that you all think I should not call the lawyer this morning or change any locks or anything like that?

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Caracal,

How would the lawyers show WW the Stick?

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
I know most of you are not out of bed much less online yet, but I'm not sure where to go from here. Do I take my lawyers advice and change the door locks and withdraw any money in joint accounts or just keep on the way I have been?
Yes you need to protect yourself legally.

She's out of the house, correct? Still seeing OM?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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She's out of the house but I can only assume that she's still seeing the POSOM. I have already spoken to the lawyer a few weeks ago to find out my options. I just am not sure what y'all mean by protect myself legally. I know how ignorant I sound.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
She's out of the house but I can only assume that she's still seeing the POSOM. I have already spoken to the lawyer a few weeks ago to find out my options. I just am not sure what y'all mean by protect myself legally. I know how ignorant I sound.

Protect yourself legally means some of the following...
- Filing for exclusive use of the marital home (so she doesn't move OM in and tell you to go)
- Protect your finances (she could, today, just go and drain your bank account and there's nothing you can do about it)
Etc.....

If you have not filed and obtained exclusive use of the marital home then you can change the locks but she can also change them back, I am not sure if your lawyer was clear on that? I'm not a lawyer but I worked in law enforcement and this is a pretty clear cut issue on locks. Just want to make sure you cover your bases, you might want to re-clarify.

Sorry, I have missed it, do you guys have kids together?

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We do have kids. A 2-1/2 year old and a 5 month old.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
We do have kids. A 2-1/2 year old and a 5 month old.

Are the kids with you in your home?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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We alternate 2 days at a time.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
We alternate 2 days at a time.

Is this an agreement between you (verbal) or done through court?

You should get this done through court ASAP. Since you are married, you both have equal rights - which means if she decided to run off with the kids tomorrow, you would not be able to call the police for assistance, you would need to go through court.

I really urge you to jump the gun on this one and get into family court ASAP for custody/visitation/support plan -> I have unfortunately seen this happen before and it can take days, weeks, months, YEARS to find the spouse/kids. I'm not saying it's going to happen but if it does, I would hate to see you go through that heart break (mine are the same age almost).

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The agreement is verbal. Wouldn't I have to counter-file to get into custody?

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