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If she finds your thread here, that would not be good. If that happens, I would notify the moderators and ask them for help.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I think she's read the email. No contact yet.

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Part of me feels like she's just gonna laugh at the letter and forget about it. If that's the case then she's the one that's throwing away everything...not me.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
Part of me feels like she's just gonna laugh at the letter and forget about it. If that's the case then she's the one that's throwing away everything...not me.

I don't expect her to just jump up and say okok, whatever you say!! She will react badly at first, but the seed will be planted. She doesn't know what she wants today so if she "throws it all away" today, she will pick it back up tomorrow. She is about as foggy as a falling down drunk.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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p.s. you should practice "golden silence" right now. Let her be the one to make the next move.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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That's my plan exactly....golden silence.

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Since my own wife has been abducted right now and I can't really communicate with her, I would like to transfer my Happy Mother's Day wish to all the mother's on the forum.

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She emailed info about the kids but nothing in regards to the email letter. She also added a "have a good night".

Do waywards ever just get tired of the BS's continuous trying to work on the situation and just throw up their hands and say I'm done because I'm tired of dealing with all this? OR is that part of the point...to kind of wear them down into thinking the affair and leaving their marriage isn't worth it?

Am I supposed to be asking these kinds of questions or am I giving away secrets to the plans that don't need to be written down?

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I would send her a nice email and just say: "I meant to say this earlier: Happy Mothers Day! Hope you had a wonderful day. Love, XXX


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Just sent it. I wanted to do that but wasn't sure if it was a good time.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
Just sent it. I wanted to do that but wasn't sure if it was a good time.

Escellent way to stay on her mind. Good job.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Tough morning this morning. Friends at work are asking if the kids and I gave WW a good Mother's Day. Don't know how to respond.

Hurts my heart.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
Tough morning this morning. Friends at work are asking if the kids and I gave WW a good Mother's Day. Don't know how to respond.

Hurts my heart.

Do they know about what's going on?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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No.

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Update:

WW just called to talk about kids. She was very polite, nice and joking. We laughed about things that happened this weekend that she was telling me about in regards to the kids. Talked for 15 minutes when all pertinent information could have been done in 5 or less. I point that out not because I don't want to talk to her for that long but to show that she seems to want to keep me on the phone or in conversation longer than "just what is necessary".

For what it's worth, she seemed to be in a more upbeat mood than normal.

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I have this weird feeling that WW is gonna go to ou house today while I'm at work and get stuff from there.

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Good MOrning LFH... hopefully you had a good weekend (all things considered of course) and digested my post from friday and put it into action. I will read your posts and replys since my last post and get caught up.

Keep your chin up ...

MNG



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I dont know whether to leave work and go home or just let her get her stuff...if thats what shes doing. For all I know, shes going to see the POSOM.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
No.

LFH, I don't know what you do for a living but I would suggest you let your fellow employees(some of them anyways) know whats going on as well as your manager. They probably already know something isn't right and they can be of great support for you. Plus your performance may be suffering and it may be wise to let them know why. Both of my managers had been through very tough marital problems themselves and were very supportive. They actually let me work remote now because of it.


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DDay Dec. 2010
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D final 3/16/12
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Originally Posted by MrNiceGuy
LFH ... put it this way. You have already lost your wife. Your letter outlines your boundires for her return if SHE wants to agree to them. If not .. thats HER loss because your a NEW man now and forever and you KNOW what went wrong and how to fix it now.

You need to show her that YOU are the great catch (like you did when you courted her before you married) .. YOU have the back bone .. and YOU have too much respect for your self to put up with her antics and games. Do not give her any of your energy when she comes down on you about the past negative things .. you just state "Yeah .. well .. I am not like that anymore".

Make it CLEAR that you realize what went wrong in your marriage own your part of its demise .. and how it happened and your own contribution and that you will NO LONGER be that guy anymore ... you are a NEW MAN .. you have NEW BOUNDRIES and NEW SELF RESPECT and your happiness does NOT depend on your wife being in your life.(women are meant to be a part of our lives and contribute to the amplification of happiness but not the end all be all of your happiness) If you place too much reliance of your happiness on your wife then she will not respect you and this will drive her away. LEAD BY EXAMPLE.


You dont have time to jump every time she asks you (be pleasant but firm in everything) .. nor do you have time to play her mind games. State your conditions (which you did in the letter) .. tell her you wish to spend the rest of your life with her and your kids as a family and grow together and recover your love you once had and make it even better now that you have a new understanding and some great tools (marriage builders) to make sure that your marriage is fulfilling in the future and that you will be sad that she chooses not to recover but you will get on with life if she chooses not to be a part of yours.

Kill your desperation ... if you project ANY of that at all .. you have to get rid of it. Its weakness and she will use it against you.

Do not let your wifes mood effect yours ... Moods are infectious so make your mood (a positive one) more powerful than hers. Example of infectious moods? Ever notice how when somebody says something, and everybody else laughs, even if you don't think its funny, you often laugh too? Happiness spreads. If you act like you are always having a good time, laughing at jokes, etc. it will instantly put all the people around you into a good mood.

Likewise, if you are always down and depressed (i know .. its hard sometimes to beat off the depression due to your situation), people will want to AVOID being around you (including your wife), because your mood drags theirs down too. This is why i suggested you do things for yourself to keep yourself more positive (working out .. doing things with your kids etc). your wife will sense this and possibly realize hat she is missing out on by not giving you another chance.

Something else you could do is find out what it is she likes about the POSOM and be better at doing those things than he is ...

Keep fighting the good fight! But do not drop your self respect to be a doormat.

MNG

quoting myself incase u missed it on friday.

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