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Joined: Apr 2012
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Originally Posted by WorkingHard4
I see that the other posters on this thread have asked about your FWW quitting the new job that requires travel. However, you stated in your original post that your FWW has made "tons of changes" and "life has been really good." You also mention there have been "intermittent problems always stemming from my triggering." Although, as one poster mentioned, those problems weren't presented in detail, I am curious as to why, if your FWW has made these "changes" and you do not feel the problems lie with her, it would be necessary for her to quit this job. I know there will be multiple issues taken with my statement here, but it is a valid question. If there has been no problems or reasons to doubt until now, when does trust come back into the picture in order to help this marriage grow and prosper? Why the immediate "quit the job" if things have gone well on her end and she has tried to prove herself?

Working,

Since you are clearly reading this thread, let me try and answer your question. During the time of the A and subsequent work to recover, you do not make TEMPORARY changes to your behavior in protecting your marriage from future A's. These are not changes to be made to protect your marriage and rebuild trust, only to go back to the way things were before the A once you feel the trust is rebuilt. These are changes that frankly, should be made from the day you got married. However, since most of us are here because we did not have two spouses protecting the marriage using all of these principles and boundaries, once we are aware of them following the A, they must go in place FOR LIFE.

So the precaution to protect marriage by not traveling with work is FOR LIFE. Not 'until I feel like sufficient time has passed and H should trust me again...'

I assume that much of your BH's lack of confidence in your marital recovery stems from you not seeing this fact and thinking that there should be a time you can go back to the way things were.

Radical Honesty FOR LIFE. Good boundaries among opposite sex FOR LIFE. EP's FOR LIFE. Working to meet your UA time and fill each others LB FOR LIFE.

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And ML, once again I am humbled in your presence. You are a gifted advisor my friend, with a seemingly psychic ability to decipher these messages and get to the root of things. A little unnerving in instances such as these...

But you are right, quite obvious once pointed out.

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