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Sucks because Really need a lawyer and I can't afford it. Court says I make too much money. Don't know if I should let the judge decide or how that works if we don't have lawyers and can't agree. Anyone know?


Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June


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Originally Posted by Frenchie71
Sucks because Really need a lawyer and I can't afford it. Court says I make too much money. Don't know if I should let the judge decide or how that works if we don't have lawyers and can't agree. Anyone know?

Read this from one or our board lawyers.
Originally Posted by Brits_Brat
Jen,

When I was in law school, it had legal clinics staffed by law students who were under the supervision and guidance of a practicing lawyer/staff member. The clinic offered free legal services to those who could afford it. This gave me the idea to do a Yahoo search for law schools in NJ. Seton Hall's law school has a Family Law Clinic!!! Here is the description of what they offer:

The Family Law Clinic provides free legal services to individuals needing representation in a wide variety of family law matters. The caseload may include both contested and uncontested divorces; establishment, modification and enforcement of child and spousal support; custody and visitation cases; international child abduction cases; adoptions; and litigation on behalf of victims of domestic violence. Students may also serve as court-appointed law guardians for children in termination of parental rights cases and custody and visitation cases.

The work includes interviewing, investigation, legal research, motion practice, discovery, negotiation, preparation of lay and expert witnesses, contested and uncontested trials and hearings, oral argument of motions, and the preparation of trial and appellate briefs. Students work under the supervision of the clinical professors, but assume primary responsibility for their assigned cases, including court appearances.

The Rutgers Cambden Campus also has a Child and Family Law Clinic.

To contact either school's clinic, I would just call the law school's main number and asked to be transfered to the Family Law Clinic.

Also, lawyers are encouraged to do pro bono (gratis) work for those who can't afford legal services and some states even require that lawyers have a certain number of pro bono hours a year. Here is a link to various pro bono organizations in NJ. http://www.legalhandle.com/pro-bono-attorneys-New-Jersey.html


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Also read this. You can do it on your own but get all your documentation together.

Did you read all the Plans B links I posted? Do you have an IM? Have you written your Plan B letter?
DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT

Can you get him removed from your house?



FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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I almost never say this, but I recommend D'ing him asap and not looking back. His issues are way bigger than what you and your kids needs to deal with. The serial cheating and prostitutes are bad enough, but incest should be a dealbreaker.

If you have even a smidge of a thought of perhaps taking him back in the future, here is what I would do.

1. Go to an immediate, pitch-black Plan B for 2 solid years.
2. During those two years, get individual counseling from either one of the Harleys, or at least someone who is familiar with the MB concepts.
3. Through your intermediary, give your WH a list of what it would take before you consider having direct contact with him AT ALL EVER once the 2 years are up. This should be a long list, (we can help you with it), including serious therapy for his sex addiction and INCEST issues, accountability to several trusted male friends or family members, and much more. All in addition to the standard NC letter and precautions for ordinary adulterers.
4. After two years, think carefully what is best for you and the children at that point, and choose accordingly.

Chances are his ship is going down, and fast. Get in the lifeboat, row a distance away from the ship, and hang out there long enough to heal. You'll need to see some pretty impressive documentation that the ship is seaworthy before ever considering re-boarding the RMS Titanic.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Neak has good advice.

Incest is a boundary beyond a boundary out yonder, far from a safe marriage.








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I totally agree. It hard when you've been with someone so long. Afraid that I'll be alone forever. I know I definetly need to be alone for some time and get help from all the damage he has done to me. My fear is I wil be alone. I do want that happy relationship and marriage that I've always wanted and never got.


Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June


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Quote
My fear is I wil be alone.
Is this REALLY your fear? I suspect your fear is that you will be destitute, or poverty-stricken. Get a lawyer. Your WH has a financial responsibility to you.

What is your fear, REALLY?


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Originally Posted by Frenchie71
I totally agree. It hard when you've been with someone so long. Afraid that I'll be alone forever. I know I definetly need to be alone for some time and get help from all the damage he has done to me. My fear is I wil be alone. I do want that happy relationship and marriage that I've always wanted and never got.
Frenchie, I hate like hell what you are having to deal with, but you really need to put to rest the thought you may be alone the rest of your life. There are plenty of men out there, myself included, that would love nothing more than to assume the responsibility of a family. Don't judge us all because of the actions of one. We really aren't all cut from the same cloth.

Some of us actually have morals and dignity. LOL, as hard as that is to believe right now, it really is true.

Protect yourself, and worry about the rest later. You're in my prayers.


Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson


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I'm not trying to defend what your husband did. I'm not suggesting that you stay with him, or try to help him work through his issues. The reason I'm posting this link is to help you understand that sexual attraction between adult siblings who do not meet until they're adults is not that uncommon. This is not some rare, unheard-of thing. It is pretty much ALWAYS a risk when adult siblings meet for the first time. Not everyone will succumb, obviously; but the danger is there.

Genetic sexual attraction has been reported by a high number of people who reunite after being separated when they were young. GSA provokes an immensity of yearning to unite and secure the bond that has been missed and now seems impossible to live without. The sheer surprise of meeting a family member who resembles our genetic makeup and then to experience feelings of sexual attraction; it easily overwhelms an individual's ability to cope.

Genetic sexual attraction

GSA

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I get and understand that because they didn't grow up together. But he being the one married and 20 years older than her should have known better in my opion. Even he says he should have known better. He cheated before and he knew how much it hurt me. He said for me to trust him. To give him my heart and he would protect it. I did and be messed up again. Now he says the same thing but I don't believe it however sincere he truly may be.


Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June


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Hopefully God bring a man like that into my life one day. I just need to remember. His will not mine.



Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June


Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,458
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I agree, and screwing around with your sister has an "oogy" factor that "normal" affairs don't, IMO. But it's the repetitive cheating that's really the problem, not his choice of sexual partners...and that's the reason why ditching his sorry donkey is probably the best choice for you and your family.

tl

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Originally Posted by Frenchie71
Hopefully God bring a man like that into my life one day. I just need to remember. His will not mine.

So when will you go into Plan B as you're implementing Plan D?

Can you get him out of the house ASAP?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Funny thing is , he's supose to be a Christian man. We use to go to a Pentecostal church. Even my pastor told me that I have biblical grounds for divorce. They say my husband always picked and chose what he wanted to believe from the bible.


Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June


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Soon. I'm waiting a bit just to pay some things off. Withing the next month for sure. Waiting for my next court date


Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June


Joined: Nov 2010
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Originally Posted by Frenchie71
Soon. I'm waiting a bit just to pay some things off. Withing the next month for sure. Waiting for my next court date

When is your next court date?

Will you be able to get him removed?

I would make sure when you go D I would go completely dark from him. Everytime you have some kind of contact it will take you back to square one and it will hinder your self recovery.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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I'm waiting for court date to be assigned. I filed to have case restored to docket and he knows that. Im hoping it's this month. I'll go to the court on Monday and check it out. I dont have anyone to be moderator so I have to come up with somethin else. He stocks me now. He's if my car is at work. Goes through my car. Even shows up at my best friends house. Goes through my drawers and everything. Crazy


Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June


Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Originally Posted by Frenchie71
I'm waiting for court date to be assigned. I filed to have case restored to docket and he knows that. Im hoping it's this month. I'll go to the court on Monday and check it out. I dont have anyone to be moderator so I have to come up with somethin else. He stocks me now. He's if my car is at work. Goes through my car. Even shows up at my best friends house. Goes through my drawers and everything. Crazy
Do you feel unsafe with him?


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Yes and no. He's threatened to kill be atleast 3 times before. The 4th time he even threatened to put a bullet in my head right infront of 3 of my kids. Our son who was 15 at the time got so upset and told him to leave crying telling him to never threaten his mother.

Last edited by Frenchie71; 06/10/12 08:30 AM.

Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June


Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
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Originally Posted by Frenchie71
Yes and no. He's threatened to kill be atleast 3 times before. The 4th time he even threatened to put a bullet in my head right infront of 3 of my kids. Our son who was 15 at the time got so upset and told him to leave crying telling him to never threaten his mother.

Can you get a RO?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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