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Originally Posted by marksaysay
I found a great explanation for "standing" on Marriagewalk.com...

Standing is a conviction of the Spirit to believe and to have faith in God to work in a person or situation that the world either says is impossible or all signs point away from what God is telling you.

Thanks for the explanation. I hope that you are hearing clearly from God.

In my case, I'm the one who filed for divorce. However, my WXH told me that he was no longer a believer, he moved out the house and stopped financially supporting me and the children, and he was having an affair. I feel that God released from the marriage.

I will pray for you.


Me: BS 51
Himself: WH 53, EA/PA w/ RunnerSlut his "running buddy."
Buncha' kids. The two youngest are still minors.
Separated: 08/13/09 after 25 years of marriage
Plan D: Filed 11/13/09 Final 3/30/11
MC told me that he probably has a personality disorder
Kirby #2583459 01/10/12 03:24 PM
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Well, I posted this on my other thread and will do it here also. I don't know if I should continue on the SAA thread or not. I am divorced now. But anyhow, here it goes...

After making the major changes to my wardrobe (which has made me feel really good), I made another change yesterday. I walked out of my 8-5 job. After 2 years and contemplating leaving for a long time, I just walked out. Something happened that caused me to say that I'd had enough and I just left.

I did inform my part-time employer that I will most likely be changing my availability to move to full-time and they were totally okay with it. I make a comparable amount there only part-time so I won't rush to move to full-time yet. I'm gonna enjoy some time off and see where things go.

My personal journey continues ...


BS - Me 36
WS - wife 34
Married 10 yrs
DDay - Early November 2010
WS filed Divorce 11/9/10
Divorce final 12/22/11

1 Corinthians 13:7: (LOVE) Beareth all things, believeth all things, HOPETH all things, endureth all things.
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Wow. I forgot to tell you what I tell all newly divorced men...

Now don't go all crazy. (Am I too late??)


Me: BS 51
Himself: WH 53, EA/PA w/ RunnerSlut his "running buddy."
Buncha' kids. The two youngest are still minors.
Separated: 08/13/09 after 25 years of marriage
Plan D: Filed 11/13/09 Final 3/30/11
MC told me that he probably has a personality disorder
Kirby #2583554 01/10/12 05:49 PM
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Oh, I am far from crazy. It was actually something I'd debated doing for a really long time. What happened yesterday was just enough. I woke up this morning feeling better than I'd felt in a long time. I've been on cloud nine all day. It was the right thing to do for me.

I make about the same at my part-time job with less hours and less headaches. It was a GREAT move.


BS - Me 36
WS - wife 34
Married 10 yrs
DDay - Early November 2010
WS filed Divorce 11/9/10
Divorce final 12/22/11

1 Corinthians 13:7: (LOVE) Beareth all things, believeth all things, HOPETH all things, endureth all things.
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Thought I might give an update on this thread since i haven't been in a while.

I'm doing great!!! I started working out again about 3 weeks ago with a goal of gaining 20 - 25 lbs of muscle. My starting stats were 5'10", 157 (I've never been heavier than 165). I've gained 8 lbs and my physique is definitely starting to show (been getting tons of comments).

I've started a regular Sunday evening ritual of going out and doing karaoke when i don't have my daughter and I love it. I sing pretty well (been singing since age 5) and I get tons of attention from women. I haven't taken my ring off yet and I'm not really looking for anything but it's nice to get the attention.

On another note, this past Sunday, my pastor called me in his office before church because a member of the church was upset because my wxw confronted her about the rumor she and I were dating. Can you believe that? Pastor asked me to tell wxw she couldn't do that because she wasn't my wife anymore. I told him I wouldn't tell her anything as I'm still plan b and my personal life is really no longer her concern. I just thought that was funny really. She destroys our family with her adultery, hasn't given up other man (men) - as far as I know - and she wants to be bothered by the idea that i'm dating. The rumor isn't true but it really makes you wonder what she would actually do if I did start dating...


BS - Me 36
WS - wife 34
Married 10 yrs
DDay - Early November 2010
WS filed Divorce 11/9/10
Divorce final 12/22/11

1 Corinthians 13:7: (LOVE) Beareth all things, believeth all things, HOPETH all things, endureth all things.
erika07 #2599750 02/23/12 09:32 PM
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So its been a while since I updated this thread. Things are going well. I'm doing good with my workout regiment. Im up 11 lbs since I started a month ago. I still have my activities that allow me some fun and enjoyment. DD and I have been having a ball. With me working nights now, I get to do things I ordinarily couldn't like eat lunch with her at school and watch her presentations at school.

There is one thing that has been driving me crazy, though. DD always has something to tell me regarding how WxW has bought her this and bought her that. It makes me sick to see how WxW is trying to "buy" DD. With tine, I believe DD will see through it. Right now, she's 8 and just loves all the gifts.

Last edited by marksaysay; 02/24/12 12:17 AM.

BS - Me 36
WS - wife 34
Married 10 yrs
DDay - Early November 2010
WS filed Divorce 11/9/10
Divorce final 12/22/11

1 Corinthians 13:7: (LOVE) Beareth all things, believeth all things, HOPETH all things, endureth all things.
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Hang in there about the buying things for the child...your daughter will see through it in the long run. And what kids always want is quality time, not stuff, so you're giving her what she truly wants. smile

That's exciting about your job working out so well...I've been tempted to change up my work life as well, but scared of the risks. Maybe I'll need to get past the D first....


Me, BS: 35
WxH: 36 "HAM" Hearts a mess
6yo DS (with WxH), 9 and 12yo DDs from first marriage
Discovered DH's affair in June, 2011
"I'm not having an affair, you're crazy." major gaslighting
Served with divorce papers on 2/3/12
Divorce final 7/29/2013
Living day by day, counting my blessings, loving my children
Personal Recovery well underway!
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JV's right. My nephew (now aged 5) has grown up with a wayward mother, and is given every new toy or gadget from her and her side of the family. He has been in childcare from 6am to 6pm from the age of 18 months since she left for her AP.

Our side of the family does not spoil him with gifts, but indulges him with time. He loves it. We have old hand-me-down toys on offer for his visits, and he couldn't care less. Throwing a frisbee, playing mini-golf... I am sure he will remember this more than the latest computer game he was given. My brother does not always see this, as he is annoyed with WXW (and has not Plan B'd her). My parents and I do though. Outside perspective helps.

And Mark... whilst DD may tell you all about the latest gifts from WXW... she will also tell her mother all about what the two of you did together and spoke about. But in Plan B... you should be focussing on your relationship with DD. The example your WXW is setting may get up your nose, that is human, but it is not worth your focussing on it.


Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.

WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.

Plan B has set me free.

"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
Caracal #2599842 02/24/12 11:19 AM
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Jv and caracal,
Thanks for helping me remember whats my main focus. It is just disheartening to see, though. Its amazing how such a wonderful woman can just change seemingly over night. I still pray for her daily and I still haven't removed the ring. I'm not even sure if I ever will.

Anyway I'm about to have lunch with dd. yeah!!


BS - Me 36
WS - wife 34
Married 10 yrs
DDay - Early November 2010
WS filed Divorce 11/9/10
Divorce final 12/22/11

1 Corinthians 13:7: (LOVE) Beareth all things, believeth all things, HOPETH all things, endureth all things.
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Your DD will probably look at her the same way I used to look at my dad, back when he was trying to be a "good dad," but really didn't give two $@*(s.

'I don't like you, but I'll take that CD Player!'


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Todays lunch with dd was good but somewhat saddening. Everytime I see her, her hair is a mess. It even has started breaking off and its sad. Wxw would never let dd go around like that. I hate it.

HEY! I have her this weekend. I think I'm gonna try to find someone to do it and make it look nice. Thats what I'll do!


BS - Me 36
WS - wife 34
Married 10 yrs
DDay - Early November 2010
WS filed Divorce 11/9/10
Divorce final 12/22/11

1 Corinthians 13:7: (LOVE) Beareth all things, believeth all things, HOPETH all things, endureth all things.
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Originally Posted by marksaysay
Todays lunch with dd was good but somewhat saddening. Everytime I see her, her hair is a mess. It even has started breaking off and its sad. Wxw would never let dd go around like that. I hate it.

HEY! I have her this weekend. I think I'm gonna try to find someone to do it and make it look nice. Thats what I'll do!

I think that is an excellent idea!

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Making a girl feel pretty and special is worth WAY more than material things. This is a brilliant idea. smile


Me: BS age 35
POS-eX-the SORRIEST, CRUELEST, LOWLY WAYWARD SCUMBAG out there
Married 14.5 years, together almost 16
DDay: 7-5-09
OC born: 7-23-09
no COM: tried 6 years frown
D filed 5/05/2011
D final 11/10/11
I was gaslighted for 2 years.

"You were not built for a safe story. Take risks and feel what it is like to actually be brave. It's worth it." Carlos Whittaker
Migs #2600052 02/24/12 09:25 PM
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Its done. Someone from my church is gonna do it sunday evening!

I guess I should clarify that wxw would never let dd look that way in her normal state of mind. We all know she is not that person anymore. But I continue to pray that that person will return some day.

Miracles do happen!!!

Last edited by marksaysay; 02/24/12 09:51 PM.

BS - Me 36
WS - wife 34
Married 10 yrs
DDay - Early November 2010
WS filed Divorce 11/9/10
Divorce final 12/22/11

1 Corinthians 13:7: (LOVE) Beareth all things, believeth all things, HOPETH all things, endureth all things.
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Got dd's hair done today. It looks better than ive seen it in well over a year. While I can't take credit for the hairdo, i'm proud to have paid for it. She looks great!


BS - Me 36
WS - wife 34
Married 10 yrs
DDay - Early November 2010
WS filed Divorce 11/9/10
Divorce final 12/22/11

1 Corinthians 13:7: (LOVE) Beareth all things, believeth all things, HOPETH all things, endureth all things.
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Good for you! Thats gotta make both of you feel great!


Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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Wow! I didn't realize it had been so long since my last post here. I very rarely even read the thread at all anymore but I just thought I'd share something from last night.

I decided to go out and enjoy myself for a bit. I had been standing out front chatting with a few people for about 15 min. when here comes my wxw and 2 of her gfs. The 3 entered the building, walked right by me and I DID NOT CARE.

She obviously didn't care about the bogus PO she has against me since I was there 1st so neither did I. At first I contemplated leaving because they were there. That thought was quickly scrapped. I entered a few minutes later, walked within 2 ft of the trio without eye contact, bought a beer and sat down. I had planned to do it anyhow, so that's what I did.

They ended up leaving about 1/2 later but I REALLY DIDN'T CARE!!!

This was only the 2nd time I've seen her in over a year. In the days and months before, I would have literally fell apart and probably even left, allowing simply her presence to fluster me. That didn't happen and it felt GREAT.

At one time, I came her proclaiming my "unconditional" love and now I even wonder if I still even love her at all. One thing I am totally sure of is I've let her go.......

In some ways, I almost seem like last night's encounter was some sort of victory. I mean, I can barely tell you what she had on or even what she looked like. I noticed she was wearing white pants and that she had long braids, but other than that I don't even know. Once I entered, I didn't even look her direction.

She was probably quite surprised to see me out and drinking a beer. I hadn't done either of those things in the last 6-8 years of our marriage. Actually I hadn't drank in 10 yrs. Maybe that's a regression of sorts but I don't drink to get drunk. I don't even drink at home.

But nonetheless, I'm happy about how things went last night....



BS - Me 36
WS - wife 34
Married 10 yrs
DDay - Early November 2010
WS filed Divorce 11/9/10
Divorce final 12/22/11

1 Corinthians 13:7: (LOVE) Beareth all things, believeth all things, HOPETH all things, endureth all things.
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You are making such progress. Keep walking the path of glory.

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Originally Posted by marksaysay
I decided to go out and enjoy myself for a bit. I had been standing out front chatting with a few people for about 15 min. when here comes my wxw and 2 of her gfs. The 3 entered the building, walked right by me and I DID NOT CARE.

She obviously didn't care about the bogus PO she has against me since I was there 1st so neither did I. At first I contemplated leaving because they were there. That thought was quickly scrapped. I entered a few minutes later, walked within 2 ft of the trio without eye contact, bought a beer and sat down. I had planned to do it anyhow, so that's what I did.

They ended up leaving about 1/2 later but I REALLY DIDN'T CARE!!!

This was only the 2nd time I've seen her in over a year. In the days and months before, I would have literally fell apart and probably even left, allowing simply her presence to fluster me. That didn't happen and it felt GREAT.

Isn't it wonderful when you disconnect from the one who was hurting you? I'm glad you're doing so well.


Me: BS 51
Himself: WH 53, EA/PA w/ RunnerSlut his "running buddy."
Buncha' kids. The two youngest are still minors.
Separated: 08/13/09 after 25 years of marriage
Plan D: Filed 11/13/09 Final 3/30/11
MC told me that he probably has a personality disorder
Kirby #2639301 06/24/12 11:12 AM
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So this makes 2 weeks in a row that I've encountered my wxw on a night out. This time i didn't realize she was in the same establishment (it was a packed house) until a mutual friend told me they saw her. I REALLY DIDN'T CARE!!!

I stayed and did what I'd planned to do, have a good time, and i did. I shot the breeze with some guys, drank a couple of beers, danced, and simply enjoyed myself. I did pass wxw a few times throughout the night but, again I didn't care.

At one point, i stepped out to catch some air and passed her with some overweight guy. I didn't care. I actually laughed because I'm a former college/pro baseball player who has maintained my physique over the years. The guy she was with didn't seem much like an upgrade....oh well.

Her pursuit for my replacement seems to be continuing still after 18 months. Dating websites, facebook, clubs, and bars...she's still looking. But we all know she'll find that green grass, don't we?

Last time, I wished I'd had a girl on my arm. This time I was glad I was alone. I had a good time all by myself and I'm SURE she saw it.

Last edited by marksaysay; 06/24/12 11:19 AM.

BS - Me 36
WS - wife 34
Married 10 yrs
DDay - Early November 2010
WS filed Divorce 11/9/10
Divorce final 12/22/11

1 Corinthians 13:7: (LOVE) Beareth all things, believeth all things, HOPETH all things, endureth all things.
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