Thanks re cc:, HDW. And I get your point re "tmi" in the letter.

So when's your launch B date?

Spoke to WW at length today - first time in a while. I effectively told her the contents of the PBL (bad move? maybe - but I wanted her to be under no illusions...). She said a lot, the usual self-justifying guff. Her euphemism "I did the wrong thing..." to describe her adultery winds me up even more than before, but I kept my temper in check. She did say something curious, though - twice, at different times in the conversation: she said she told OM that he would and could never be like me (igi) or meet my standards, and that she knows there's no-one else out there like me (igi) who has been dedicated to her, a good provider, a patient dad, a loving, intelligent, professional family man. Just so he knows.

And I'm thinking a) why say that to him? and b) why say that to ME?!

Why discuss it with her?
You need to understand that when you send the plan B letter there is no more contact.
If she calls you and says, can you explain it to me?
You dont talk.

Don't try to figure out her talking. Her actions are what matters.

...she said she told OM that he would and could never be like me (igi) or meet my standards, and that she knows there's no-one else out there like me (igi) who has been dedicated to her, a good provider, a patient dad, a loving, intelligent, professional family man. And I'm thinking a) why say that to him? and b) why say that to ME?!

Uhhh, dude, she didn't say it to him. She's playing you for the malleable, gullible fellow she has always known you to be!

I await the PBL. If I am still to be your IM, I need the letter as support.

Hello all. Radio silence has been for health and work reasons. In intervening period I've been given insight into WW's possible intentions on custodial and other fronts. I've also learned the stark reality of how the system is stacked against the father/husband here in England. ("Adultery? Doesn't matter: no big deal. In fact, if she's settled with OM, her 'new stable environment' is a plus point!" "Drugs? She's promised to reform her character, so kids are fine with her." "Neglect? She's learned the error of her previous ways. She's sorry. Kids'll be fine." I could almost hear the Child Services person yawn over the 'phone: "What? WW's not a crack addict injecting herself in front of the kids? Or injecting the kids? So what's the beef?" Etc..!)

So before embarking on Plan B, which will undoubtedly bring an aggressive response centred on DD7, I need more than the flimsy institutional and societal backing that exists here by default. On legal advice I've therefore had to have a PI look into OM's background, for any evidence of him as a potential danger to the health, upbringing and well-being of young children. Quelle surprise: turn's out he's using an assumed name. But we now have his real name and address. I'm hoping to get more detail over this weekend. Criminal checks, tax evasion, benefits fraud, drug charges, sex offences, the works. (Am I missing anything?)


PS: Had ECG last week. It revealed something, so had to spend whole day in hospital undergoing a battery of tests. It was bad enough for medics to want to keep me in overnight, but not bad enough for them to insist when I explained I'm a single dad with a young daughter to pick up from after-school club. I'll be having further tests next week or so. So I'm meditating and seeing a counsellor: "Ommmm..."


I'll thank you for any further insights, perspectives and experiences.

so sorry about your health situation, my friend.

Good job on hiring the PI and getting the goods. Can you use it?

Remind me, please: you exposed the A, correct?

Thanks, @BH and @MB. Darn right I can use PI's findings: I just hope there IS concrete material to use! And yes, I exposed affair about six weeks ago. It shames me that there is no shame in this country...

(On the other hand, what did I expect, knowing WW's mingling with DJs and the other bed-hoppers of the "clubbing scene"..?)

Sorry to hear about your health. I think hiring the PI was a great decision I hope it provides the evidence you need. Its disheartening that despite the effects adultery and AP have on children there are laws which allow contact with the AP. Its sad that society has become desensitised to adultery when it causes so much devastation.