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Hi,
I used to be on these boards years ago for myself. Now I could use some information regarding my 22y/o daughter's situation. I found out recently that she's involved with a 40 y/o married man. She is not the first person he's had an affair with behind his wife's back. I found out today they are not using condoms and my daughter has a vaginal infection.

He still lives with his wife, uses her phone, drives her car, has not filed legal papers for separation. However, he and my daughter are talking marriage.

Typically, they have both lied to my face about everything.

Serial cheaters cannot be trusted. She is so deep in the fog I am afraid for her. I'm also concerned for his wife's health and safety. She has a right to know what her husband is doing.

I'd appreciate any guidance you can give.

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So did you confront your Daughter about her lies? His wife needs to be told. Are you going to tell his wife? Does your daughter believe this liar?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Please tell me you already marched over to this poor unknowing BW and told her?

I mean you have the proof of her lies and him using her phone and him giving her and infection, correct?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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I recently discovered that my hubby was (and probably still is) in a close relationship with a 22 year old woman. I wrote to her mother and asked for information. I'm still waiting for a response to my last inquiry. I need to know the entire truth. Please, please, do should not support this affair in any manner whatsoever. Tell the wife (betrayed spouse) what she needs to know so she can protect herself! Please!

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I've been seriously tempted to contact BW. I thought I would come here before I proceeded. Sending a message to her now. It's about getting someone out of trouble who's already in trouble.

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Originally Posted by worried4mygirl
I've been seriously tempted to contact BW. I thought I would come here before I proceeded. Sending a message to her now. It's about getting someone out of trouble who's already in trouble.
Why won't your daughter tell her?

Is she seriously thinking about staying with this joker?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Please make sure you offer her all the proof you have to her.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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I just sent BW a message with what I know and how I know it. We'll see what happens.

When the person having the affair complains about "invasion of privacy", what's the best way to respond to them?

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I would respond that he is invading YOUR family, hurting your family and you will not make it easy for him. You will dedicate yourself to making his life very difficult because he hurt your daughter.

I would tell him no one in your family will ever accept him and the truth of his past, the A and his sketchy sexual health will be fully known by everyone.

As for it being 'invasion of privacy' honourable men do not keep other women 'private' from their wife.

Well done you!!! You're doing very well. This guy should be easy to run off..

Last edited by indiegirl; 07/29/12 04:49 AM.

What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Is your daughter at all dependent on you? Does she support herself?

Do you have the support of her mother? You two still married?


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Well done, friend.

Privacy? Well he threw that out the window when he gave your daughter an infection and you had to step up and take care of your family.

Does your DD22 depend on you financially at all?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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I'm not worried so much about his privacy but my daughter's.

Our relationship has much improved over the 1.5 years. However before that, we had no contact for 5 years due to parental alienation by her father. 8 months ago her father kicked her out of his life, her home and her relationship with her siblings. I've been trying to help her recover and get her on her own two feet. Alienation destroys trust. Our current trust is still shaky at best without this affair happening. We are both very emotionally & psychologically fragile. All I know is that secrets and lies are not the basis to a solid relationship (mother/daughter as well).


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Of course D believes all his lies. She feels sorry for him. He "deserves better".

He's only been married 5 years.

I told D about the 2% success of relationships based upon affairs. She's ready for the challenge. It hurts to see how far gone in la-la-land she is.

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Tell her you're her mother and you love and care for her and will not enable her. If she was doing drugs and you found out would she expect you to "respect her privacy?"

You tell her a true parent who loves her children doesn't allow enabling of such a despicable act. I would also tell her how disappointed I am in her for helping to destroy a family.

Has she read any of the destroyed stories on here?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Ironically, I did tell her about MB and Dr. Harley's book about emotional needs. She hasn't read any posts here. I've told her she can the privilege of privacy when she tells me the truth. As long as she's lying to me, I have the right to find out the truth for myself.

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Thanks Brainhurts. I'll give it to her.

fyi...no children involved (Thank G*d)

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Originally Posted by worried4mygirl
Thanks Brainhurts. I'll give it to her.

fyi...no children involved (Thank G*d)
Good. Curious. How did you find out?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Found out through social media by accident "lied to my mom". Piqued my curiosity. Quietly monitoring her behaviour and correspondence ever since. Learned enough here on the boards before to know the signs of an affair (always wears a micro mini when she meets him, spends hours on the phone all night with him, etc). She confirmed the A by complaining that BW read in her diary (which she left in their house) the part when they had sex the first time as an "invasion of privacy". I told her BW as his wife has a right to know what's going on with her H if it affects their relationship.

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Originally Posted by worried4mygirl
All I know is that secrets and lies are not the basis to a solid relationship (mother/daughter as well).


That's what she means by privacy.'Let me lie to you'. I would respond each and every time to the privacy noinsense 'I won't let you lie to me any more' or and YOU are interfering in the privacy of another womans marriage.

It is none of her business what kind of marriage they have.

Did her father cheat on you? He sounds wayward. Whenever she demonises BW I would say 'no one deserves the kind of pain your father put us through. She is in a lot of pain'.

Then promise her she will lose all your support if she pursues her adultery.

Her personality will be entirely lost unless she gets tough love to battle this affair addiction.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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