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As much as I respect a desperately remorseful FWW and your actions since dday appear genuinely directed towards getting your marriage back, you dont drive this train.

Im a year plus from dday and I have plenty of questions that haunt me. I do know a lot, however. To say I (and your husband) know more than our wives do about particulars is a slap in the face, by the way. Of the major crimes you perpertrated, giving us a lifetime of unknowns is way up there on the list of brutality.

Now, the good side. He's still around. That says a lot. But, he is in charge, my good lady. He gets to dictate who gets to know. You, by virtue of ripping his heart out, get to spend your time doing what you are doing and thats repair that which you sought to destroy.

I will agree with something you said somewhere on these pages. I do think fogged out, incredibly selfish person in the midst of an affair will forget details (either purposely or biologically) of their party when the wake up from it. I think those of us with sound moral compasses find it hard to believe things like when was the first kiss, first bj, first xyz, and did you talk about a life together, or my favorite did you ever call your BH a "loser" are all things IMPOSSIBLE TO FORGET (as my wife claims to have).

Sorry for the heavy handedness. You are doing really well and I like your moxy. Get your husband here and we'll help him thru this.

Let him drive the train.


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Couple of observations:

13 months is not very long into recovery, but it's probably past the point where details of the affair should be getting brought up...unless questions were never satisfactorily answered for the BS.

Let me challenge you a bit, WhoAreWE. 13 months is an awfully short time to (credibly) have forgotten. You may have buried the memories, and you may not want to go digging around there, but it just doesn't quite ring true to say you've forgotten.

Speaking to you as a FWS, I can tell you today, close to 4 years out, & with a well-recovered marriage, that there's still plenty I'd like to forget.

And it probably doesn't ring true to your BH if, during the past 13 months, you've staved off discussion by telling him you can't remember. Being betrayed tends to hone a BSs' "BS"-detector to a very finely-tuned state of sensitivity. Even your honest answers will be more suspect than they were before, and where something doesn't seem intuitively plausible to the betrayed spouse, the formerly wayward spouse isn't in position to claim benefit of a doubt.

Prefer not to remember? Perhaps.
Can't remember? Possible, but highly unlikely.

I can't know where you've been, mentally. I only have my own experience to go by. If you can level with yourself and honestly say that you've never told your husband "I don't remember" when it would've been closer to the truth to say "I don't want to remember", then you're to be congratulated. But if you can't honestly say this, then there's been some trickle-truth, and you'd do well for your recovery prospects to correct it. Once the betrayed spouse has the whole truth, he/she can at least then draw lines around the full extent of his or her pain; he/she then no longer has to suffer from imagining things that are even worse than the bad-enough things that actually were.


Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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Originally Posted By: MikeStillSmiling
As much as I respect a desperately remorseful FWW and your actions since dday appear genuinely directed towards getting your marriage back, you dont drive this train.

Im a year plus from dday and I have plenty of questions that haunt me. I do know a lot, however. To say I (and your husband) know more than our wives do about particulars is a slap in the face, by the way. Of the major crimes you perpertrated, giving us a lifetime of unknowns is way up there on the list of brutality.


MSS,

I truly appreciate your response. I watch your thread (and posts) and every BH who can provide me with insight. Have you and your wife established any patterns that help you safely bring up affair questions? Hearing details about the affair has to be emotional and provide fuel for lighting off Love Busters. I detach by saying it is not who I am now but my dear husband like to remind me that once a betrayer always a betrayer. I cannot take back what I did. When I get too emotional I have to stop talking or I will make the situation worse fast.

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Originally Posted By: GloveOil
[color:#000099]Couple of observations:

13 months is not very long into recovery, but it's probably past the point where details of the affair should be getting brought up...unless questions were never satisfactorily answered for the BS.

Let me challenge you a bit, WhoAreWE. 13 months is an awfully short time to (credibly) have forgotten. You may have buried the memories, and you may not want to go digging around there, but it just doesn't quite ring true to say you've forgotten.


I am here to be challenged. I feel like I need to continue to adjust my perspective in order to make progress.

I do not want to remember and will not let myself remember. I do not forget what I did but I cannot go back into the memories and re-live them in my mind. When I try to think back I just feel my stomach turn and stop.

I have buried the memories deep. For the first nine months I overlaid the pain of the consequences of my action on top of the memory of what I had done. Things were pretty intense. I sometimes say the memories were figuratively beaten out of me.


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Originally Posted By: WhoAreWE

Have you and your wife established any patterns that help you safely bring up affair questions?

There isn't any really safe way to discuss the affair. We try to concentrate on the present and future and not the past, and discuss how to firm up our EPs as present situations come up that have relevance. So, I would say that the best way to handle affair questions is to concentrate on the EPs that would have made that affair, and any future affair, impossible. In other words, you address affair questions by showing that you as a FWW are serious about never putting your BH through anything like this ever again.

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According to Dr. H, there should be one big affair talk and no more. It's best if that is done at the beginning of recovery, obviously. If it was not, the following should happen:

Your H needs to sit down over the next week and write down every question - big or small - that he has. He should then give you a copy of that list and then plan a time within those few days afterwards for the two of you to go to a neutral setting and discuss the whole thing. You should be as open and honest as you possibly can - and let him know you are willing to take a polygraph if he wants you to.

You should also let him know that this is the last time the two of you should ever bring up the affair - or anything that happened during the whole wayward period. The focus, after the discussion, should be on the here and now - and on your future.

This affair talk will set you back in recovery, but it is necessary if there are still things that need to be discussed. I went through this, but I will say, it was my own fault. At the beginning of recovery I got all the basics, but I truly felt that I did not want to know anything further. I know myself: I am terrible at being able to let go of images and associated pain. I thought I was better off. Well, as I mentioned on my thread, later - things popped up. It was advised to me that I needed to get some of those details, perhaps. I still didn't want to know every little thing, but I needed more info than I had.

I will tell you this much: recovery does go a lot smoother when you don't talk about the A, for both spouses. Your H may feel it isn't fair that he is supposed to just shake it off; we FBS's sometimes want to lash back because we don't know what else to do with our pain. However, it is SO much more harmful to do so. You think you're just making the FWS aware of how much you hurt - or paying them back for the hurt caused - but you're only hurting yourself. I hope your H can be convinced of that, once you answer any remaining questions he has.

The "night of answers" will not be pleasant, but it's the only way you can, perhaps, get him to stop bringing it up. My understanding is that he is not on board with MB, is that right? (I'm short on time and hoping I'm not confusing posters.) If that's the case, you can't hold him to the standard of, "This isn't the MB way," when he brings it up. You can only offer him the one night to get anything answered and then ask him, for both your sakes, to move on.

This time period would also be a good time to expose to anyone else you feel it is needed to expose to. (Although, I think the decision was that it isn't needed.)

Get the ugliness out of the way and then stand firm on the present and future! If your H won't commit to a recovery plan, perhaps you could ask him to at least do a phone counseling session. I read over and over that Steve H is GREAT at convincing reluctant spouses.


"The #1 reason why people give up so quickly is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, rather than how far they've gotten."

Me, FBW(46) H, FWH (43)
M - 21 yrs & counting
D (20)
S (18)
S (16)
Surviving and Thriving since November 2010 thanks to MB!
My Recovery Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538986#Post2538986
My Original Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457141&page=1

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Originally Posted By: WhoAreWE

Have you and your wife established any patterns that help you safely bring up affair questions? Hearing details about the affair has to be emotional and provide fuel for lighting off Love Busters. I detach by saying it is not who I am now but my dear husband like to remind me that once a betrayer always a betrayer.


No, the rules to MB are the rules and as such I dont bring up the A. I do everything to avoid the urge and as time moves on, Im more successful at it.

My wife avoids ANY A talk at all times. If Im negged out and she detects it and she'll avoid me. We will discuss THAT. "I see you are mad today and Im sure I know why...I dont know what I can do to make you happy when youre in that mood. Please tell me." This is about as close as she'll get to referring to it.

The humiliation she will live with is immense. In our opinion of the whole relationship, she was the victim. A monied, fun piece of crap made her a job offer, she bit, he wooed her over the years to the point where sleeping with him was easy, fun, dangerous, and unfortunately part of her life. Like nothing was out of place. This is a sad commentary of my wife's life for a long period of her life. SHE KNOWS IT BETTER THAN ANYONE.

Therefore for me to ask the 'how could you's?', 'why did you's?' and other ?s is stupid. There are no answers to these questions other than the answer MB delivers. She let her boundaries down around this a-hole and let him meet needs I couldnt or wouldnt.

Am I healed? No. Am I over it? No. Will I ever be? No.

I decided to give her a chance to make me whole again. And, she has been delivering.

She gets to live with lots of unknowns too. I dont parade them, but I know she is aware of them. Will I decide one day the 5-6-7 years (i give this range because this woman says she doesnt recall when she gave her first bj to him) of her banging another guy be too much for me? I promised myself (and my kids without telling them) I would give 2 years of my best to her before making a life decision like ending it. MY CHILDREN ARE WORTH IT. She will need to show me that she, too, is worth it.

The details of her affair (like everyone's, Im sure) are so unconscionable to me even 15 months later that I reserve the right to make changes in my life whenever I want. People on here dont agree with this but this is my defense mechanism when I get in a crappy mood.

This is the bed she and you made. The good news is you will read lots from guys who recovered from this and made great marriages as well as guys who said the pain is too much and took a powder.

Your job is to follow the WW playbook to your best ability giving him an easy decision.


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Originally Posted By: SunnyDinTX
According to Dr. H, there should be one big affair talk and no more.

It is an easy thing to recognize this as ideal, or at least as ideal as you can get under these conditions.

My experience was not so ideal. My FWW trickle-truthed me for several months. I tried to end it with the "big talk", and what I got was the "I can't remember and don't really want to remember" situation, similar to what WAW cites. We had the big talk anyway. Then, more details came to light here and there as time has gone on and my FWW's memories bubble to the surface. I try very hard to not talk about the affair. But the single biggest factor in the success of "the big talk" lies in the participation of the WS, and, unfortunately, WSs at that moment in time are often don't participate very well.


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Given that my husband does not follow MB. Would it be reasonable for me to say I will take the dive back into the past if he would be willing to make an effort to stop bringing it up after I give him the dump. Heck that may be easy for him if he decides to never talk to me again.

I feel that I would need help to pull out the past. I am really not comfortable doing it on my own. Just thinking about doing it makes my stomach turn and my eye water. That being said, my husband says in order for us to heal I need to face myself. And I say those months do not represent who I am and what I value.


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Someone once suggested a BS write down questions and the WS to answer them in writing. This may be easier for some.

This is one of those critical parts of this process that you cannot skirt because its uncomfortable. Your husband deserves to know every detail, dirty or otherwise, of your affair if you want to move on to a better marriage. The unknowns are preventing him from moving forward. He's stuck around for so long because he wants more from you.

You cannot know his reaction to the answers and THAT may be the scariest part for you. I suspect he may know the answers to his questions already and will be satisfied just to hear you say them. Your only request should be is that once the questions are finished and youve answered them, he cannot ask any more. You are permitted to remind of this should he have 'just one more question'.

The reality is your marriage today is not great and it wont have the chance to improve unless you slay this dragon.

There is no easy way out of infidelity.


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Originally Posted By: WhoAreWE
Given that my husband does not follow MB. Would it be reasonable for me to say I will take the dive back into the past if he would be willing to make an effort to stop bringing it up after I give him the dump. Heck that may be easy for him if he decides to never talk to me again.

I feel that I would need help to pull out the past. I am really not comfortable doing it on my own. Just thinking about doing it makes my stomach turn and my eye water. That being said, my husband says in order for us to heal I need to face myself. And I say those months do not represent who I am and what I value.

Your situation is not unlike mine, and the feelings you are expressing could be coming from my FWW. The big difference is that I *am* on board with MB. I think getting your BH on board is the first step. I don't know what value there is in dredging up the whole affair in the absence of making this the one and only time you have to do that. After all, the purpose here is recovery and not revenge.

Would your BH come onboard to MB if he understood that the first thing that will happen is that all of his questions will be answered fully and completely? Does he really want to recover? MB supports a full disclosure for the purpose of positioning the BS for recovery, not for the purpose of forcing the WS to face themselves. Saying that you need to face yourself is a disrespectful judgement. LBs are no plan for recovery.


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Originally Posted By: mrEureka

Would your BH come onboard to MB if he understood that the first thing that will happen is that all of his questions will be answered fully and completely? Does he really want to recover? MB supports a full disclosure for the purpose of positioning the BS for recovery, not for the purpose of forcing the WS to face themselves. Saying that you need to face yourself is a disrespectful judgement. LBs are no plan for recovery.


I do not want the topic of my husband needing to buy into MB to hi-jack this thread. He will not buy it in whole but he does accept the value of POJA, POUA, and PORH. I do not want this thread to focus on my convincing my husband to buy MB. At best I can understand and practice each concept myself and share them with him over time.

He understands that MB advises that stopping talking about the affair is a necessary step in recovering after you have all the details you need. I will be thankful for the first day that goes by when I am the only one reminding myself what a POS I was.

I will talk to him about what he needs to know (or hear) in order to know I have "faced myself" so he can heal.


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Originally Posted By: WhoAreWE
Originally Posted By: mrEureka

Would your BH come onboard to MB if he understood that the first thing that will happen is that all of his questions will be answered fully and completely? Does he really want to recover? MB supports a full disclosure for the purpose of positioning the BS for recovery, not for the purpose of forcing the WS to face themselves. Saying that you need to face yourself is a disrespectful judgement. LBs are no plan for recovery.


I do not want the topic of my husband needing to buy into MB to hi-jack this thread. He will not buy it in whole but he does accept the value of POJA, POUA, and PORH. I do not want this thread to focus on my convincing my husband to buy MB. At best I can understand and practice each concept myself and share them with him over time.

He understands that MB advises that stopping talking about the affair is a necessary step in recovering after you have all the details you need. I will be thankful for the first day that goes by when I am the only one reminding myself what a POS I was.

I will talk to him about what he needs to know (or hear) in order to know I have "faced myself" so he can heal.

Since the purpose of this forum is to discuss the practical application of MB principles, it would be remiss not to point out that Dr. H is very clear on the need for both spouses being fully engaged in recovery.

That said, a full disclosure might lead to your BH talking less about the affair; who knows? The more relevant question is if this is a step toward recovery. The path is very narrow. You are choosing to try to blaze a different trail. I hope you are successful. I only know that recovery is the hardest thing my wife and I have ever had to do, and we are both fully engaged in the MB principles.


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WAW,

Dr H asked the BW whether she know how often they were together,whether they had S, what they talked about, whether they had plans for the future. His thoughts were if she had gotten that information she had enough information, even if she did not know everything, she had enough crucial information.

Notice that it was a she and not a he, I think more often than not men are more tortured by not knowing the details.

My husband has recently mentioned not knowing what I discussed with POSOM (although he definitely knows a lot because he brings it up) and he does not believe that we had no plans for the future. At this point my husband knows as much or more than I do. I have buried the memory of the affair but he remembers every word I have ever said about it.

A perspective of a BH is that his WW is still protecting or has a good opinion of the OM, I think this is the case with my W and OM2, and it enrages me.

Did your H every cross check your story by getting OM to do a memory dump, did OM ever apologize to your BH, where their other witness to the affair?

From what you wrote it almost sounds like the affair was already dying, which means that you were ready to recover at the same time your BH was saddled with the heaviest burden in his life. One of the uglier aspects of affairs is how the BH feels it the worst of all 4 participants. The OM and OMW recover, or the OMW just accepts it as a fact of her life. The WW just wants to move on and forget, but the BH is stuck without support, and the person he might to confide in has alreay betrayed him. Women can usually confide in some other woman who had a similar experience, but there is really no place to go for men.

Someone on another thread has asked a FWW to remember how good it felt to be in the arms of her POSOM sorry I do not remember the context). A vet quickly said that one should never ask a FWW to do that. I hope my husband will stop demanding that I do. I will not spend another moment of my life living those nasty months.

But your BH will relive those months until he feels he has complete disclosure, I can tell you it can on for decades for men.

I do not want to remember and will not let myself remember. I do not forget what I did but I cannot go back into the memories and re-live them in my mind. When I try to think back I just feel my stomach turn and stop.

The fact that you and OM know means that you are still sharing an intimacy with OM to which your BH has no
access.

Given that my husband does not follow MB. Would it be reasonable for me to say I will take the dive back into the
past if he would be willing to make an effort to stop bringing it up after I give him the dump. Heck that may be
easy for him if he decides to never talk to me again.


And while you're at it make sure any prior infidelities, if they happened, or even financial dishonesty is disclosed as well.

One of the things my W said to me that keeps me from recovering is that "she would never reveal sexual details"

Another issue for your BH may be that he feels his sexual fidelity to you for all those years were a waste.

God Bless
Gamma

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Originally Posted By: Gamma
WAW,

Dr H asked the BW whether she know how often they were together,whether they had S, what they talked about, whether they had plans for the future. His thoughts were if she had gotten that information she had enough information, even if she did not know everything, she had enough crucial information.

Notice that it was a she and not a he, I think more often than not men are more tortured by not knowing the details.

My husband has recently mentioned not knowing what I discussed with POSOM (although he definitely knows a lot because he brings it up) and he does not believe that we had no plans for the future. At this point my husband knows as much or more than I do. I have buried the memory of the affair but he remembers every word I have ever said about it.

A perspective of a BH is that his WW is still protecting or has a good opinion of the OM, I think this is the case with my W and OM2, and it enrages me.

Did your H every cross check your story by getting OM to do a memory dump, did OM ever apologize to your BH, where their other witness to the affair?

From what you wrote it almost sounds like the affair was already dying, which means that you were ready to recover at the same time your BH was saddled with the heaviest burden in his life. One of the uglier aspects of affairs is how the BH feels it the worst of all 4 participants. The OM and OMW recover, or the OMW just accepts it as a fact of her life. The WW just wants to move on and forget, but the BH is stuck without support, and the person he might to confide in has alreay betrayed him. Women can usually confide in some other woman who had a similar experience, but there is really no place to go for men.

Someone on another thread has asked a FWW to remember how good it felt to be in the arms of her POSOM sorry I do not remember the context). A vet quickly said that one should never ask a FWW to do that. I hope my husband will stop demanding that I do. I will not spend another moment of my life living those nasty months.

But your BH will relive those months until he feels he has complete disclosure, I can tell you it can on for decades for men.

I do not want to remember and will not let myself remember. I do not forget what I did but I cannot go back into the memories and re-live them in my mind. When I try to think back I just feel my stomach turn and stop.

The fact that you and OM know means that you are still sharing an intimacy with OM to which your BH has no
access.

Given that my husband does not follow MB. Would it be reasonable for me to say I will take the dive back into the
past if he would be willing to make an effort to stop bringing it up after I give him the dump. Heck that may be
easy for him if he decides to never talk to me again.


And while you're at it make sure any prior infidelities, if they happened, or even financial dishonesty is disclosed as well.

One of the things my W said to me that keeps me from recovering is that "she would never reveal sexual details"

Another issue for your BH may be that he feels his sexual fidelity to you for all those years were a waste.

God Bless
Gamma



Since 1981, trickled truth every 3-5 years. Pieces have not matched well. Each time the story told more happened then the last version. This process has repeated till about 2004. Wife refuses to talk about it any more.

I don't talk much about anything at all any more and wife complains I don't want to talk in general.

She either can't put 2 and 2 together or acts as their is no elephant sitting in the room.

So if you want to live with an elephant for the next 40 years then all you have to do is not tell your BH what happened. Then just limp along.

A BH that is left with questions that need answering will have him searching for answers for the rest of his life. He will most likely never be able to leave the affair in the past. Part of every day will be spent in his quest for answers.

He may never get any new information so he will just keep looking at the pieces of the puzzle. Rearanging the pieces trying to see if he can get any new answerrs or possible clues.

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Here's a good show of a BH and a WW. The WW had a ten year affair.
Radio clip of 10 year affair
Segment #2
Segment #3


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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MSS, I hope you don't mind what I'm about to suggest.

WAW, your FBH can get a HUGE education in the struggles and ultimate triumphs of a BH tortured by imaginings by simply reading both of MSS's threads, this one in SAA, and this one in Recovery. It's actually not vitally important to read MSS's notes, as your FBH seems poised to compose many of the same ones himself. Instead, have him read what the incredibly patient and wise MBers advised MSS, especially about the ongoing damage he was causing, and the need, at some point, to don a hero's garb, a simply slay the monster,

(MSS, you are NOT advised to review those dark times, okay?)

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Originally Posted By: Gamma

Did your H every cross check your story by getting OM to do a memory dump, did OM ever apologize to your BH, where their other witness to the affair?

From what you wrote it almost sounds like the affair was already dying, which means that you were ready to recover at the same time your BH was saddled with the heaviest burden in his life. One of the uglier aspects of affairs is how the BH feels it the worst of all 4 participants. The OM and OMW recover, or the OMW just accepts it as a fact of her life. The WW just wants to move on and forget, but the BH is stuck without support, and the person he might to confide in has already betrayed him. Women can usually confide in some other woman who had a similar experience, but there is really no place to go for men.


My husband did not check his story with the OM (or OMW). That I know he only spoke to OMW on DDay. There were no other witnesses to the affair.

I was not ready for the affair to end on DDay. I was deep in the affair fog. Seeing my husband crushed (by my affair) showed me something I had not been able to see for years. I saw that I had been the world to him. I saw that he was the man I had married. I saw that he is all I ever wanted. I was yanked into the reality of what I had done. I suddenly saw what I had been looking for right in front of me and I had just destroyed it.

It took me longer to see POSOM for who he was. It was probably 6 months before I could honestly say that if POSOM was my "friend" he would never have given me that first kiss. And if I was his "friend" I would never have asked for it.

As time has passed I can see my husband in the idealistic way I saw him on our wedding day (that is how I describe the "in love" feeling). I do not see him that way all of the time. I think that it is healthy to have that feeling in order to re-energize. When I am being bombarded by Love Busters, I see him how I saw him before the affair. Knowing MB I can see through that view and know it is not "who he is". Love Busters are just some bad habits that need to change. I have hope. My husband does not believe he can ever be "in love" with me again. I am trying to have enough hope for both of us.

Originally Posted By: Gamma

Another issue for your BH may be that he feels his sexual fidelity to you for all those years were a waste.


That is definitely the case.


Me-41 (WW)
DH-46 (BH)
DD-7, DS-11, DD-15
Together 20 years, married 16
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 108
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 108
Originally Posted By: TheRoad

Since 1981, trickled truth every 3-5 years. Pieces have not matched well. Each time the story told more happened then the last version. This process has repeated till about 2004. Wife refuses to talk about it any more.

I don't talk much about anything at all any more and wife complains I don't want to talk in general.

She either can't put 2 and 2 together or acts as their is no elephant sitting in the room.

So if you want to live with an elephant for the next 40 years then all you have to do is not tell your BH what happened. Then just limp along.

A BH that is left with questions that need answering will have him searching for answers for the rest of his life. He will most likely never be able to leave the affair in the past. Part of every day will be spent in his quest for answers.

He may never get any new information so he will just keep looking at the pieces of the puzzle. Rearranging the pieces trying to see if he can get any new answers or possible clues.


I am so sorry about your story. I do not want my husband to live the rest of his life not wanting to talk to me. Having not lived through the events himself he can never know everything so how can he decide he knows "enough". In the clip BrainHurts posted earlier, Dr H told the BW that she knew enough. Unless she just defers to his opinion she will have a hard time knowing when she knows enough. Over the years of trickle truth did you ever think you knew enough but later changed your mind or had he leak information so you knew thinks you had not known.

Have you ever posted your story? I see you have been posting here forever but I do not see a thread you started.

Are you still married? Have you ever recovered? Did your wife had multiple affairs? Did she have affairs after 1981? Sorry for asking so many questions... I guess you are like a puzzle to me.


Me-41 (WW)
DH-46 (BH)
DD-7, DS-11, DD-15
Together 20 years, married 16
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 108
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 108
Originally Posted By: BrainHurts
Here's a good show of a BH and a WW. The WW had a ten year affair.
Radio clip of 10 year affair
Segment #2
Segment #3


Thank you for this clips. Again I had heard it before and will listen again. The advise Dr H gives the BH applies. My husband feels that he does not know who I am any more. I might have been like the woman he describes that was not "being herself" with her husband. It gives me something to think about.

Last edited by WhoAreWE; 08/29/12 08:21 AM.

Me-41 (WW)
DH-46 (BH)
DD-7, DS-11, DD-15
Together 20 years, married 16
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