Affairs are like drugs to waywards.

They have 2 people meeting their EN and are on a high.

She said to me tonight that if a guy did try to talk to her she wouldnt be interested because she does want us to work and to try and fix our problems, she just needs time and space. I admit that this could all be a con job and for all I know shes out with a guy on a date, or is with her Gfs but flirting with guys. But I suppose there is nothing I can do about it and have to trust her when she says she's not interested and that she does want to try and make our relationship work. Until I find out otherwise what can I do?

Why don't you go show up where she's at? See for yourself.

Can you check phone records? Email?

I don't know exactly where she went and if I did and turned up and she saw me it would start WW3. She gets her phone bill via email and all her emails are checked from her iPhone so I don't have access to any of that.
I just have to trust her for now. If this had been going on for a few months then I'd probably suspect she had met someone else. But it's only been two weeks so not like. And she still gets jealous over me. I really think if she was seeing someone else she would t give a stuff about me. Wouldnt be affectionate etc.
I know there is a possibility but it's not likely.

Kenny, I'm not saying she's absolutely seeing someone. I'm saying that she's putting herself in circulation by going out partying with her friends. Waiting to see what happens is very dangerous. Completely trusting her is more dangerous still.

Good luck, though. I hope it works out for you.

Kenny,a woman that wants only to invest in the relationship, not live single, and wants to be with her man does not want time and space.

What does your girl friend want in the future? Does she see marriage and perhaps a family? If she does and she doesn't feel she will get this from you, she may very well be looking for someone that aligns with her eventual goal.

Why don't you show up? A simple "Hey honey! I missed you and thought I'd check out this band with you" will work just fine. There's no need to give her a heads up. If she's in love with you, she will welcome your company. If she gets mad that you showed up, then you have some serious problems in your relationship, she is annoyed by your presence, and would rather not have you around.

I mentioned this also and this is what Kenny said in response.

She did want to get married but certainly doesn't want kids. She's 47 Im 43 so a bit old for that.
She came home at 4.30am and I woke up and she told me where she went and how her night was. I do beleive that she did what she said, and wasn't out with a guy or anything like that. Its not like shes been doing this for a few months now its only 2 weeks and I still think a lot of it is just to drive the point home that things need to change.

How so? What needs to change?

Well she wants me to stop being what she calls a Gonna man. i say Im going to do this and that and dont do it. She says Im not very good with saving money and spend it on crap and she wants us to save for a future together or go on holidays. I wasnt looking after myself or dressing nicely for her but she always dressed up and looked hot for me. Giving up smoking which I finally did and controlling my abruptness and loud voice sometimes.
shes been at me to do these things for awhile now and Ive finally started too.

Have you read this?
Love Busters

The problem I see here is you kenny because I can not imagine a massive fight here without your imput.
You need to find a different form of communication that doesnt envolve YOU causing a big argument.

On all the other things she has given you good insight on what she would like to see. Its all about meeting those needs.
Try and look at yourself through her eyes and imagine the man she sees and then imagine the man she would like to see. Then be that man.
Be the man that does what he says he is going to do, be that rock for her and she will love you for it.
Be in control of your emotions not sucked into any argument or having that sulky atitude.
Be that fun man that she wants to come home to her and make her happy.
The ball is in your court.

I don't know what to think anymore. Today we had a good day went out and all was well. Then at the drop of a hat tonight she turned nasty but woukdnt tellme what was wrong or what I had done. She said she was sleeping in the spare room and when I tried to follow her in and ask her to at least tell me what I had done she yelled at me and slammed the door.
I have no idea what the hell is wrong with her

She's seeing someone else, but hadnt planned for it to happen. So it's someone you or she knows on a daily basis. They've been growing closer as friends for some time, and during the past few weeks she's started calling herself single because she doesn't know which one of you to choose. So if something happens she'll feel less guilt, because she's 'single'.

One of the top signs of another relationship is a plea for 'space'. She is very confused as to who she wants and wants space in which to figure it out. She'll try out hte new guy, and return to you if it doesnt work.

And she is single, she's allowed to do this. It doesnt make her great marriage material but she is free to do this.

The other key sign is this - her guilt.


You were having a nice time, being a good guy. This messes with her recent world view that you're a terrible partner which has kept her guilt at bay. Whenever you are nice to her, she will feel more guilty and react like this.

Regardless, this living together situation is VERY abusive. You have bonded with her just as much as if she were your wife, but to the rest of the world, she's fair game and some man has developed his friendship with her to this point.

I would move out immediately, telling her this relationship is not satisfying for you. I would predict this will make her panic and she will try to talk you into staying and give you more encouragement.

But stand firm and tell her you know she's been cheating on you. Don't tell her how you know. Just say you know. And move out immediately. If she wants you back (dating, not living together though) she will need to voluntarily provide you with access to her phone, bank and computer records.

If she isn�t interested in being open and transparent, she isn�t marriage material and will lead you a dog's life.

She's not seeing someone else. For a start there are no males that we both know that are single. When she went out on Saturday night she drove to her parents house and her girlfriend picked her up from there.
If another guy picked her up I don't think she would be letting her parents know that and it would be easy for me to double check this with her parents.
I know it may seem like she is but I'm 99% sure she isn't.
She can be very moody and I have a feeling that the reason she got angry was because she put her legs on me but I didn't touch them like I normally do. She said she wants space so I decided not to touch her and cuddle her etc.
She was fine until that happened, her leg was on mine for awhile then she lifted it off and after that was when she turned nasty.
It's like she wants space and doesn't want me to kiss her or have sex but then if I withdraw and show her no physical attention she doesn't like it.
I know some of you are going to say I'm naive and she's found someone else but I really don't think that is the case.
Yes I could be wrong but I have no evidence to show this.

A couple of things: First, she could know someone that you don't. Second, being in a relationship or married is not a reason to rule out anyone from sleeping with your girlfriend. Third, this is something we've seen on the boards several times, and I know of two people PERSONALLY in my real life where the wife's affair partner was a WOMAN.

I would check with her parents. Why would her friend pick her up over there instead of at home?

I went back and read your opening post and want to say, nobody 'brings you to the point' of raising your voice. You do that, all by your lonesome. Unless you are a robot under someone else's command, only you have control over the level and tone of your own voice. Okay?

Originally she was going to her friends house but her friend was in another part of town. Her friend asked her to meet half way so she said to meet at her parents house. I can't really ask her parents as they will probably tell her and she will crack it with me for checking up. I Would have to just casually mention it the next time we are there and see what happens.
I've been reading about signs of cheating and she doing none of them. No secret phone calls, no secret texting, and other than when she's in a bad mood she treats me good. When she came home at 4.30 she cuddled me and the next morning was cuddling me and biting my neck laughing etc.
And I really think if she was cheating why come home at all. Why not just tell me she's staying at her girlfriends house and go stay at the OM house. I don't have any means of contacting her GF to verify if she did stay or not.
She's 47 not 25, and friends of mine and my sister who know her have agreed that she's not cheating. Not saying she won't in the future especially if things don't get resolved but for now I'm confident she isn't.
I do have an option though at work we have GPS trackers and if she keeps going out I'm going to put one in her car to see where she's been.

Her GF could of met WW at her parent's house.

Thing is the GF could of then drove WW to meet the OM.

Not the first WW to have a GF that help her to cheat.

Let's pretend there is no other man/love involved.

Okay, she's STILL nasty, verbally abuses you, etc.

Dating couples hold hands, snuggle, and chat about dreams. You're in a pseudo-marriage which is terrible anyways. You've got no kids together, why is this even worth pursuing?

She's a crappy girlfriend. What would you tell your son if his girlfriend treated him this way?