Read the craziest things to come out of a waywards piehole thread.

Ill find and bump for you

They are all reading from the same crazy script.

"It not OW fault WE grew apart"

"I love you but Im not in love with you"

"People get divorced all the time"

Its a sickness, but a strangely identical one from person to person

Rock, this is one of the easiest excuses a WS can use to explain wayward behaviour in my opinion, because in current times a lot of people question marrying young.

My WH tried this excuse with the sister who was concerned when we got married young and neither of us had dated anyone else. But with other sister (who also married young and is happily married) he used another excuse, and the sister who is not yet married but is my age, he used another excuse. With my father who WH asked for my hand in marriage the old-fashioned way, he blamed me. Translated from wayward language, this means "It's not my fault I am breaking my promise to a man I respect, it was all your daughter's fault!"

In my case WH is targeting his audience as one excuse is not a one-size fits all. In your case, it seems WW is clinging to the excuse she feels will be most convincing and justify the devestation her affair is causing. Don't believe the crazy talk.

Hi all. Just poppin' in to say hi.

Hi rock.

So what's new?

Well, thanks for askin'. Nothing is new. My wife and I are just kind of coexisting together. We hardly do anything together. We don't even sleep together. Nothing is ever brought up about the affairs. I live is a state of sort of limbo. Just existing I guess.
I continue to hope that things get better, but days, months, and years pass and dwe seem to go nowhere. So sad.

Hey Rock

I have seen you pop in and out of here over the past few years in this state of limbo.

You see your M crashed in the ditch. Your WW was driving and you watched her crash. She lost her phone and there is no traffic on the road. It is very deserted.

Your still sitting at the crash site waiting for her to somehow pull the vehicle out. How is she going to do that?

HOPE is not a plan. There are a lot of good posters here who would be willing to help you put a plan together.....

Unless your extremely satisfied with sitting in limbo.

There is a ton of free stuff here to read and use.

One problem I see is that you may have to put your ego aside to help get the vehicle out of the ditch. Yes the crash may have totally been her fault. You may also have to take a hard look at yourself and make changes to help her. Doesn't seem right after all she did to wreck the M.

My suggestion would be to work the MB's plan for a specified amount of time as best as possible with the help of the board or consider the coaching ceneter. If no changes occur with the M after the specified time then I would cut the line and D.

After all if nothing changes....Nothing changes.

Just my .02 cents.

nESRE

Rock hope you are still reading.... read your latest update and yes it is sad that the situation with your wife has not improved.......... however if you do NOTHING then it never will.

Nothing usually improves in our lives unless we take action to make it so.

One option is for you to try plan A and meet as many of your wifes ENs as you can. Have you ever thought that your wife has interpreted your inaction as not caring?

Rock you can SAY or TELL her you love her and so on but perhaps she sees your inaction as uncaring?? Words not followed up by action mean little, both from your WW and from you. I'm not saying its fair for the BS to have to begin the hard work but usually that�s ends up being the case.

I will NEVER accept that cheating is OK and that once its over to just get on with it ... what she did was wrong and from my own cheating actions in my marriage I know that there is no excuse, NONE, and that the consequences from it do not just go away.

However if you both remain in the same position then what marriage do you have? You don�t have one from what you describe.. you have a house-mate sharing the property!!

This sort of abnormal experience is NOT good for your children..... frankly a divorce would probably be healthier for them than this false silent cold war-like relationship you both now share. Your DD's are what now?... 17 and 10? they are certainly very aware of the coldness or even simple disinterest between the two of you .... and it doesn't matter who started what.

I will not say you will succeed in creating a happy marriage, no one can but MB can say they have the plans with the best chance of success.

Rock if I could work on saving my marriage after I cheated using MB methods with a wonderful hubby who thought it was just 'crap' and a 'load of [censored]' initially.... then so can you ... at least give it a try.

Hope is not a plan - bet you have heard that here!

Hope is inaction, surrender, and futility.

MB plans are action... strength... determination and ..ready for it ... A LOVING ACT!!

If you fail then you fail but know YOU did all YOU could. In the years to come your kids will know that ...... mine did. I can tell you Rock your soul gets a big hug when your kids tell you they are so proud of the both you for not giving up,,.. for doing anything it required to have a happy marriage again.... and both of them said even if it had failed the very fact of seeing us giving a real try meant a lot to them.

But really its your choice to try .... doesn't matter if your WW does not right now ... thats HER choice. why dont you ring Dr H ??? get a plan together with him.

Ditto Aussies

Take hope in the action, I recognize that place you are in, and you have to get out of that place.

Do it, make the commitment for change, and get the courage later, that's how that works

So, do you want to change that, or are you happy with the way things are?

For those here who know me know that I have been dealing with this stuff for a long time. My wife and I have been just living under the same roof. For years I have never even know how many affair partners she has had. I finally decided that I want to get this all out in the open. I miscalculated terribly. I had thought that she has has three, but actually she has had nine. I'm not sure how I'm gonna make it through this with my new information.

Rock,

Is nine worse than three? Your wife has not been committed to the marriage, lives independently and lies about it.

A question for you: Why are you still married? What do you get out of this relationship? Have you thought about separation? You have been at this for 6 years. Life is too short to live this way.

AM

I don't know how you've made it through the last six years.

x 2

Rock, why are you putting yourself through this? Do you not believe you deserve better. You're WAY too young to think this is the only chance you'll have at happiness. 9 OMs????

No freakin' way!!!

You DO deserve better. I'm as big an advocate of saving marriages as anyone, but enough is enough.

File for divorce, expose the full truth to your children so they know the reason why, and get on with your life.

You do deserve better.

Just in case I didn't make it clear enough......

YOU DO DESERVE BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You only have so much time in life. Why you are wasting yours on this trainwreck when life has so much more to offer you is beyond me.

I'm so sorry for this bomb.

Were any of her OM married? Will you be exposing all of these?

Rock, you've worked very hard. Time to end it, friend.

Actually I didn't work very hard at all. That's the problem I guess. I just sat around and hoped that it would get better. It didn't.

I don't know your story but it sounds strangely like my own in many ways

I just want to address the last statement about making it through

When my wife was dieing from cancer, a Freind who knew my situation and my years of struggle trying to help her heal from her addiction issues, her fears developed from childhood... You name it...when he addressed my issues of guilt I felt because of how I failed to "save" her, from basically herself. He said.."you loved her CP, you did the best you could, it's out of your hands and in the hands of God"

Whether you are a beliver or not in a greater good that is watching over us, let me assure you that that good lives in all of us

Peace and understanding will come in time and you will make it through

Trust in the "living God" the one that lives inside of you

This site is full of people who care, who are nursing past bitter pain and betrayal, and coming around to living again after making many mistakes of judgement.

You will pull out of this eventually, no matter how deep the pain

So are you going to do anything? MB or D? If not, then I don't know why you bother snooping or putting pieces together anymore. If your WW has nine or ninety more affairs it doesn't matter when you have accepted this as a lifestyle.