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hurray hurray hurray hurray

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Pepper band,
Thanks for the great links, The first one is great!

Also Thanks Melodylane,
Took your advice and confronted my wife about the text. Not too impressed with her response, more of a I would have told you but had'nt yet BS response. She said he is mad at her and done with her and that I should be happy.

What a line of CRAP, What a line of self-centered self-pity. Unbelievable how a WW can be so self centered and coming from a person that claims to hate drama. Please, hate drama, you are the script writer for this little POS soap opera that you have written with the OM that our familys are now actors and actress in.

After the fog lifts can waywards truely see clearly, with how far she is gone I can't imagine at this point how much she would need to change to even be a decent person. I guess I am just jadded after finding out the past year has all been a lie.

I think in my opion and I may be wrong but, is some of their anger the fact that everyone knows the fact that they are a liar and should not be trusted?

The fact that everyone who once looked up to them is now looking down at them?

The fact that there lies have all been thrown out on the table for everyone to view and judge them on and be right in doing so?

I suppose they may feel like it's and autopsy of themselves with everyone watching, no privacy and completely exposed for the public viewing.

I don't know maybe just random thoughts but thats what I came up with if I were to put myself into my WW shoes so to speak. I don't know if I would even be able to look anyone in the eyes.

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The anger plays several key roles for a wayward. It is a sign that they are still in contact, first off. It serves to keep you at arms length and serves another purpose of baiting you into fights. If she can bait oyu into a fight, she can effectively demonize you while distracting you from her shabby behavior. Anger is a BIG2F [buy one get two free] for a wayward.

My concern here is that there is no plan for recovery. Having no plan is a plan to fail. Can you sign up for the MB course? Many of us are in transformed marriages due to that course. They assign you a coach who oversees your weekly lessons. you have daily access to Dr Harley.

I fear you are going to continue to flounder without a plan and without your wife being serious. She is not serious and has been in touch with the OM.

What is she doing to ensure there is never contact again? That will continue to be a problem until it is resolved.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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She went out with girls Friday night, got home at 3am woke me up just to try and start a fight. Told me she called him and broke it off, I think that is the 6th time now.

I finished the financial settlement, going to see if she will sign it. I am seeing no effort on her part and she wants to come and go as she pleases. I am going to tell her to look for her own place at this point. I have too much to offer to keep wasting my time with her.

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by n76
OM becoming stepdad?

That thought almost made me put my fist thru the monitor, I agree with you, over my dead body! I am going to tell everyone including his pastor and whole family that he is contacting her. I will find his pressure points and use them, I will fight for my wife and family.

Here is your message for RAT BOY:



weightlifter hurray dance2 twoxfour LOVE IT!!!


Married: 22 years
Me: BW 41
Him: WH 43
Sons: 19, 17, 12
Daughter: 16
DD 8/09
EA started 8/08
PA started 7/09
Brief recovery of a few months in there.
Separated 10/10
Legal Separation 8/11
Plan B 5/17/12
Plan D 5/31/12

My Story
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Thanks I needed that reminder. Is it going a backwards to ask for financial cap?

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Originally Posted by n76
She went out with girls Friday night, got home at 3am woke me up just to try and start a fight. Told me she called him and broke it off, I think that is the 6th time now.

I finished the financial settlement, going to see if she will sign it. I am seeing no effort on her part and she wants to come and go as she pleases. I am going to tell her to look for her own place at this point. I have too much to offer to keep wasting my time with her.

I agree you should ask her to move out. The affair is still going strong and she has no intention of recovering your marriage.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I sat down with her yesterday and told her that I am ok if we divorce. I told her to start looking for her own place because I am not going to do this anymore.

This morning she came to me and told me that she does not want a divorce. She said she will write the no contact letter and be accountable to her family for her time.

I don't know what to think at this point, I don't know if reality just kicked her in the head, or if she had to see that I was'nt going to put up with it anymore.


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Originally Posted by n76
I sat down with her yesterday and told her that I am ok if we divorce. I told her to start looking for her own place because I am not going to do this anymore.


Great job n76.

Originally Posted by n76
This morning she came to me and told me that she does not want a divorce. She said she will write the no contact letter and be accountable to her family for her time.

Did you see this post from the 23 May?

Originally Posted by pokerface
Your WW is an addict. You need to take control of the steering wheel and pull her out of this. WW cannot do it on her own.


Tell WW that this is what it will take to keep YOU in this marriage:

1. NCL handwritten by WW and given to you to approve and mail.
NCL Samples<<<<<click on link

2. Commit to NC for LIFE with OM and immediately informing you of any attempts at contact by OM.
3. Complete transparency of her life including phones, passwords, computers, etc.
4. No opposite sex friendships
5. No overnights apart
6. Follow the policy of joint agreement (POJA)
7. Commit to MB recovery program

If WW will not commit to your requirements, then you will need to ask WW to leave. You stay in the home and the kids stay with you.


Originally Posted by n76
I don't know what to think at this point, I don't know if reality just kicked her in the head, or if she had to see that I was'nt going to put up with it anymore.

WW needed to see that you were serious.


ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008

Recovered

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She knows I am serious now!

I told her of the analogy that came to me the other, I don't know why I thought of this but it made sense to me.

I have been standing at a Y in the road for 2 months now, it is hailing out very hard, and I am cold and wet. I know that at the end of both the roads ahead of me there are shelters. The shelters are warm, maybe a nice roaring fire in the fireplace.

I dont know which shelter is farther away. The shelter that my wife is in waiting for me or the shelter that I may occupy alone. I know that I will need to walk in the hail storm and endure cold and wet until I get to a shelter.

But I do need to start walking to a shelter and stop standing and enduring the storm with my hands in my pockets.

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Originally Posted by n76
She knows I am serious now!

I told her of the analogy that came to me the other, I don't know why I thought of this but it made sense to me.

I have been standing at a Y in the road for 2 months now, it is hailing out very hard, and I am cold and wet. I know that at the end of both the roads ahead of me there are shelters. The shelters are warm, maybe a nice roaring fire in the fireplace.

I dont know which shelter is farther away. The shelter that my wife is in waiting for me or the shelter that I may occupy alone. I know that I will need to walk in the hail storm and endure cold and wet until I get to a shelter.

But I do need to start walking to a shelter and stop standing and enduring the storm with my hands in my pockets.

That is an awesome analogy N76. But it doesn't mention the huge boulder (OM proximity) in the road to the shelter where your WW is. Waywards are notorious for laying low until the dust settles and let's face it OM has nothing to lose at this point since his BW is divorcing him. OM has already shown you that he has no problem continuing to pursue your WW. How are you going to ensure NC when OM lives 8 miles away.

You also need a map aka a PLAN to get to one of the shelters...either a marriage recovery Plan or a D Plan. Have you read SAA yet?


ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008

Recovered

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As you can see I have not posted here in a few months, heres the update.

She has finally pulled her head out of her "behind" and come to the realization that the OM was, and is a POS. She is seeing him for what he truely is, a coward and selfish individual only ever intreasted in on thing. I exposed the heck out of this, his wife divorced his looser A$$.

My wife stopped responding to his texts shortly after my last posting and then showed them all to me after that if he would text her.

He was patetically grabbing at straws and trying to guilt her to be with him since he was now divorced. She now sees what she meant to him, he moved right along with another woman within 1 week of my wife cutting all contact with him. He has put his kids last and his "mommy" yes his mother watches his kids so he can run around and act like a little 18 year old dating. His mom even cleans his house because he is that big of a POS and apparently she is an enabler.

I am happy to say that we are going to councelling once a week and meeting each others needs more than ever now. The advice I have been given here was always right on the money. It was VERY evident when her fog finally lifted and she saw what she was about to lose.


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Did she write a NC letter to him?

Has she changed all her contact information? So he can't contact her again.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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yes to all and she had me read it, approve it and mail it.

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So, you are no longer going to find out anything about OM then right? Or your WW?

Is your WW on board with MB? Are you two doing the MB programme?


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Originally Posted by Scotland
So, you are no longer going to find out anything about OM then right? Or your WW?

Is your WW on board with MB? Are you two doing the MB programme?
Along with these questions, what are her EPs?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Not sure I know what you mean about finding out more about WW or OM?

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You need to keep checking up. She has shown herself very capable of deception so you must be sure.

Of course try to recover -- EPs and so on -- but do keep checking.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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