I am a 51 yr. old husband who has been married 4.5 yrs. This is my second marriage. My wife is 42 and her 3rd marriage. We have 1 child together who is a 3 yr. old daughter. She has two daughters from her last marriage who live with her, one 8 yrs. old and the other 13 yrs. old.
Our marriage has been difficult to say the least. Often times my wife would accuse me of saying things I felt I never said. To prove that, I installed a voice recording App on my phone. A few months ago in April, my wife did the same for her phone. Then in the middle of July, she removed it, saying that it was stupid and not the kind of marriage she wanted to be in where she couldn�t be trusted.
Also in April, my wife won custody of the two daughters previously mentioned. As a condition (temporary) I was not to be around them (because of her ex-husband). We are currently living apart. In exchange for my acquiescence to live away from my house for her kids sake, she agreed to join and follow the marriage builders program. Shortly afterwards, she reneged on her agreement.
Back to the phone recording App which is my focus here is on what I have discovered. While she removed the App, the recording files remained. Very recently I took them off her phone and listened to a series of them. I discovered that she was extensively conversing with our next door neighbor. He is a single man who she began to lean on for support from time to time while she put me on the outs.
Many times while I was at work, he would come over to my house supposedly to do some handy work. While I was away, he would come over for dinner, parties (kids I guess) and good times. I had told him many times to leave my wife alone and stay away from my family. He persisted. He tells me that he is just being a �good neighbor.� I asked my wife many many times, not to have any man in my house while I was at work or away. Yet she would continue to do that (there are very suspicious things in the past with her which I don�t mention). She replies that she is just being �Christ like and loving the neighbor.�
I now learned that she has spent many hours on the phone with him, talking about me all the time. She would tell him what a freak I was and stuff I would do or say to her. It is horrible stuff to listen too. Nevertheless, most of their conversations predominately focus upon me. When he speaks of me, he portrays himself as a much better person and tells her I am �mentally ill.� Many many of my private conversations with my wife are discussed and they both talk as if I am a joke. She shared with him all my private text messages and emails intended for my wife only.
Now here is the rub. I also learned that they have been going out to country dancing lessons together. In one particular day of phone calls, my wife calls him in the afternoon and says with a alluring and slang voice, �Hey cowboy, wanna go country dancing?� Then that evening around seven, he calls her and tells her that he is almost ready. While on the phone with him, she tells her oldest daughter (13) to watch the kids (including our 3-yr old).
As soon as the phone is dialed the recording starts. I learn throughout the evening, her daughter makes several attempts to call her mother, my wife. What is clear, my wife left her phone with her daughter because from time to time, we GPS each other�s location. In leaving the phone, my wife intended to make it appear to me that she was at home. In her daughter�s effort to get ahold of her mother dialing his number, she talks to herself, wondering why �mommy doesn�t answer the phone.� The last effort for the daughter to get hold of her mother occurs after midnight.
Now all of this is just coming out. Today, I confronted my wife on the particulars of that days phone conversations. She told me that she is taking country dancing lesson with him and they are �just friends.� She admitted there is a bar there and she had one margarita. She said that the lessons start at seven and they learn a dance then later that evening, they play the song they learned. On that night, she had to stay late because they didn�t play the song until well after midnight. She said that was the reason she was out so late. She assures me there is nothing going on, and they are just friends.
So it comes down to this, on that day of the recordings, my wife asked another man out on a date. They go dining, dancing and drinking and get home sometime well after midnight. She says she didn�t have sex with him, they are only friends. My wife is a Christian.
When I try to ask particulars, she blows up on me and goes on the attack.
This is another day of recordings. On that day, she gets a call from him. He invites her over to the house in the evening. She coordinates 10:30pm just after the �baby goes down to sleep.� I asked her about this one. Again, she blows up and starts the blamethrower at me.
I love my wife. I need to know the full truth. How fast should I push for that? I want to deal with the full truth all at once. Where can I find a copy of a no-contact letter? I have many more days of phone conversations to listen to.
Burned by my Good Neighbor