Not yet. I will keep prodding him.

Just follow the Recovery plan in the SAA book and you will soon fall back in love

Thanks, HDW!
I am re-reading it now.

How did your H's session with SH go?

Hi SugarCane;

I reserve judgement. He says he felt SH was distracted, did not really answer some of his questions, which were about

1/ How to make amends to me (I suspect this will be dealt with later.)
2/ How to stop reacting to attractive women. (and he wants to know why does he do this.)

We both have homework related to our recently re-completed ENQ's and setting up plans to meet the EN's. Our next session will be early next week. I am trusting the process at this point. So far, so good. I believe that, without MB, I would be in Plan D by now.

SugarCane;

Subsequently, discovered that WH was expecting SH to bust his chops for being a bad boy. When that didn't happen, WH could not hear anything SH said in the session. WH even screwed up the homework instructions, so his following session was a necessary repeat.

Still doing okay...

How are YOU doing?

Thanks for asking, Brain.

I am doing well. Still triggering and occasionally reeling. But I guess that is to be expected only 5 weeks post-D-Day 2. I do not bring up the A's w/ WH at all. He does though. He surprises me by admitting amongst friends his waywardness and responsibility. WH doing very well with transparency and trying to meet my EN's.

My niggling complaint is that he foot-drags on what I consider the "hard" work... self-examination. We get off the phone w/ SH, and I immediately do the homework assignment. It is because I want to do the thinking and be in the new space of discovery for the entire time period between sessions. WH does not do his assignment until a few hours before the next session. Several times we have had to delay the session because WH has not done his assignment. Or he forgets the exact instructions and does it wrong. This irritates me because I want to see him striving to move forward. However, SH has instructed me to just notice my irritation and then to bring it up with him next session; to let SH be the task master, not me. So I bite my tongue. WH says he will do anything to make amends, but somehow I want to see more action on this front.

Good, let Steve be the task master.

How are you sleeping? Eating?

You're doing well 5 weeks out. How's your UA time? Does SH talk about this?

BrainHurts;

Great sleeping. Mostly this hasn't been a problem for me since the first two months agter D-Day 1. Eating well and healthily now, after losing 30 lbs on the infidelity diet. WH's #1 EN is attractive spouse, and he likes the revised body so that is good news. I am getting lots of exercise now, too, which helps w/ triggers and obsessing.

UA time is really good, 30 to 40 hours per week. SH hasn't mentioned it to us, but maybe that is because we are achieving in that category. WH is working from home mostly now, so we can get in several hours each workday, and use the extra 2-3 hours per day of commute ime for UA.

WH has vowed that if he has a business trip longer than 2 nights now, I will accompany him. He is going to be away for 2 nights this week, but travelling w/ his boss who is totally aware of the situation, and to whom WH is accountable.

Next weekend is my birthday. It is the first time in 2 years that WH will be with me for a celebration (including our anniversary, Valentine's Day, etc.), a huge change in focus.

Kind of a challenging time for me. We are at our sailboat in South America, preparing her for sale. This is where we were for D-Day 1 seven months ago. In fact, I was working ON the boat when I stumbled across WH's email threads to his 2 OW's. So being here to work on the boat again is really triggering me.

I am trying to keep myself focussed on the future and being positive, not being a "dweller on the past" with WH, but it is hard when confronted with the exact same sights and sounds daily. Any suggestions to help ease me through this?

Thanks, MB poster friends!

Have you seen this?
Managing Memories and Dealing with Triggers

Listen to the clips I posted at the end of the thread about "flooding".

Thanks, BrainHurts. I have read but will re-read. And I missed your "flooding" clips on the first go-round, thank you.

This is a tough one and even Dr. H says it isn't for everyone. Tell me what you think. If you're able to go to the actually boat you've taken the first step.

Let us know.

Hi again, Brainy.

Yes, going to the boat daily. EXACTLY feeling/circumstance as DDay1, so good opportunities for managing memories. This was a most interesting and useful thread for me...Thanks again.

Big storms last two days, so internet is dodgy. Can't download your "flooding" radio clips, so I may have to wait until I am home in 10 days to listen. Will comment then.

WH is trying hard, but cannot undertand me being triggered here, since for him, here was nothing going on here.

Not going to get to have our next counselling session with SH for another 2 week now, but I am managing fine.

Thanks, one more time!

Here are some more clips.

Radio clip on Triggers
Segment #2

Have you told WH that you're triggering?

catwhit

So sorry you are having to deal with those nasty triggers! BH sent me those flooding links when I was losing my mind around the 1st Antiversary of D-day.
I had to do something about the motel of FWW's PA. Couldn't go around it. Didn't want to stop breathing every time I had to pass it either.
I set in a coffee shop across the street every day and drink a cup of joe. I did this for a week.
Then the last day I drove slowly around the motel parking lot until I was able to maintain a normal heart rate!
It works but it is painful! I would only recommend it for something you just can't avoid.
I drive by it now without any reaction if I notice it at all.
Pulling for you. You can do this.

wle2

BrainHurts: Thanks for those clips, too.
I told WH I would likely have a hard time w/ triggers while here, but I haven't told him specifically when I am triggering. Just, "had a bad time today, dear..." to which he is sympathetic. But doesn't really get it. His advice is to focus on the future, not the past. Which is not really helpful. I do not have his compartmentalizing skills!

wle2: Thank you for sharing your experience in this area. I am not able to avoid being on the boat right now, but this will likely be over in another week, as we have a buyer for her. So I am using your mantra to practice maintaining a normal pulse. And sometimes, I just get out and go for a walk to burn off energy. The tasks are mostly mindless, though, which doesn't help as I notice my though train can hijack me!

BrainHurts:

Finally able to listen to the 4 radio clips. I guess I was doing a "flooding" exercise without planning to. But I agree, it certainly works IF YOU CAN STAND IT!
wle2's example is better than mine as he had to go through the process incrementally, whereas mine was all-in, all-at-once. But I am surviving and little by little, the triggering effect is loosening it's devilish grip.

I do suspect it will not hasten my recovery, though, which WH is impatient about.

I will address in next session w/SHarley, in a week or so, once we are back in north america.

BTW, Brainy, the second set of clips was much more useful to me, about having another place to take my thoughts whenever I get on the "A" train. I recommend listening for any BS's having trouble "dwelling".

Thank you again.

I'm so glad you're able to move forward. Thank you for your feedback and keep moving forward in your recovery.