And she'll have nothing but an empty soul and an unsatisfactory life to show for it.

OneStep, I sense resentment - you'll have to let that go at some point soon and move on (I know because I was just told the same thing recently and the person who said it was right).

Focus on Tuesday for now. Good luck. I'll be thinking of you.

~opt

Maybe it is about vindication.

You were a good husband and father. Providing for your family the best you could. No real big problems, just human like the rest. Then this happens and you are accused of being so evil, and controlling. Your image in many persons eyes is damaged. In the courts eyes, mutual friends eyes, Neighbors eyes, your inlaws eyes, your wife's eyes, heck even your kids are told lies about you to try and sway their opinions and feelings for you.

Sure it's easy to say who cares what they think, but in reality we do. We did work to be a good spouse for 20+ years and it really wasn't all a sham. For all of that to be thrown away and our last 20 years have been worthless is too hard to take.

I don't wish to recon with her, and I am getting past my wish for justice, now I mostly just want truth and to be able to raise my kids.

I was so not the stereo-typical dad. I came home to be with my family every night. Never went to bars, never left them home to go golfing or on a separate vacation. I always tried to show my wife love and compassion. I listened to her and did not always try to fix things. I let her vent about the kids, and would take them away for the day, so she could have "quiet time" alone. I was not perfect, but far from the heinous creature she is trying to make me into in the eyes of everyone we knew.

It is like Richard Jewell, the security guard from the olympics. He was accused of being the bad guy and planting the backpack that exploded. It followed him the rest of his life.

After his name was cleared, the Georgia House of Representatives passed a resolution the next spring hailing him as a hero. But unlike the peach queens and the foreign dignitaries who are paraded through the chamber to receive the legislators' applause, Mr. Jewell was asked to stay home. The lawmakers mailed the document to him instead. They didn't want to be associated with hi, and he was the hero in the story.

Part of ther battle is just fighting to prove I am not who she is saying I am. Trying to get some vindication in this.

The battle goes on

How was the court situation?

opt

1 step,

I've got to believe that the truth will come out and the kids will understand what that truth is....

They already know the father you were and are to them .....they were in that house and saw who you treated their mother..... they KNOW......

As you continue to carry yourself well and the WW continues to spew what she does, everyone who matters, that knows you both will see the truth for what it is........

I am confident that all those that matter most will stand by you ...... THE TRUTH WILL PREVAIL

Court last tuesday did not change anything. I am filing a motion to modify child support, as she should be paying me, not the way it currently is.

The kids get to stay with me, and she gets visitation every other week-end. My kids are doing better in school, and only our oldest needs to continue therapy. the youngest seem to be doing ok. My oldest has taken the brunt from my wife. they seem to fight all of the time.

one year ago, I was doing everything I could to save my family from this. I could see it coming, but couldn't stop it. She had decided her happiness is just too important.

Really down today... My wife has the kids this week-end. My birthday is also this week-end. Just hate how birthdays and holidays bring up memories of the past and a glimse of the future.

I used to really love holidays, birthdays were special, because I knew we were going to do something fun as a family. And I miss that too.

Okay, time for a man-hug:

{{{OneStepForward}}}



Hang in there 1. Do something nice for yourself.

opt

One step I'm with opt.........

maybe by the time your reading this it's Saturday and you've had a great night's sleep and are about to get out the house and enjoy yourself......

Hey 1step, how 'bout an update in here.
Looks like you got into the "rant" thread, and I know from my thread you're in purgatory until December, but what are you doing for 1 step, today?
How are the kids holding up?

optimism

Hey Opt- Just dropped off the posting after the "rant" thread. Oh well....

I have full custody since February. She has every other week-end visitation. But the courts here favor the moms.

Even with all that she has done, and now only having them 4 nights a month, she gets child support from me.....

Checked the state child support stautes and calculator, and she should be paying me, but the judge said I have to pay her, and pay for the court expenses.

Really hard to raise my kids, and provide for them, if I have to keep paying her cs, and court expenses. Heck, Daycare for this month is over $1200. just for this month. And that is with family stepping up to help watch them some days.


I don't understand how a judge can go against state law, but I guess they can.

I was able to get my kids up to grade level by the end of the year and they both passed the grade they are in and get to go to the next grade.

I have my kids in scouts, and they love it. I am a co-leader in my son's pack. Sadly, girlscouts don't let me participate much, but thats ok, my girls are having fun.

Not much time to do things for 1step himself these days. When I'm not working, I am raising my kids.

Thanks for checking on me, sometimes the world gets pretty small.

This makes absolutely no sense at all. How can that even be? Is that the final ruling? Can you appeal it?

I'm sorry you got dealt that (yet another) cruel blow...how is there any justice in that ruling?

Thanks for the update, 1step. No wonder you haven't had much time to post. Being a single parent is no joke, I've always had the utmost respect for anyone in that position. Now I'm in that position but only half the time - you are a hero in all your kids eyes, a real hero.

However, most of that you already posted; so you must be at status quo as for day-to-day operations. That's good, you're keeping your head above it. Maybe you don't have much time for 1step but you are definitely moving forward with each day that goes by.

I have a problem with the court's decision. But you already knew that. Hopefully you can somehow get a lawyer to look at this situation at some point - I realize that's more $$$, but I can still hope, and pray.

I also have a problem with this:

Ummmmmmm, it's a volunteer organization and NOT gender biased, and that's per their own mission statement. You should be getting just as involved as you would like to. Period, no ifs ands or buts. The girls deserve to have you involved, so push it if you need to; if the leaders push back, go to the next level. If they're keeping you out, they're probably keeping other deserving Dads out too, and that does nothing but WEAKEN the organization. There are a lot of bone-heads at the local level in these organizations who think they know best, but manage to ruin a very good entity.

One Step at a time.

opt

Sorry I have been away for a long time. Here's a little update to our situation.

The divorce was final in December, 2010. We got shared custody, My exw was supposed to pick them up every other week-end, and she was ordered to pay child support.

She refused to send the child support, so the court ordered it garnished from her check in February, 2011. She quit her job the next month and moved out of state.

She called them once from out of state, during the summer of 2010 and has not even talked to them since. I just can't fathom not seeing/speaking to our kids.

My kids are doing good in school, and no longer need counciling. (at least for now) They are great kids, and I am truly blessed to be able to see them everyday. We keep pretty busy, with extra curricular activities, and camping and hiking.

So the question at hand,

My youngest asked me to "find them a new mom" ......


I have very little time in my life to even consider dating. Being a single parent is buzy, all the time. Since the divorce, I have focused on being the best Dad I can, and healing from the divorce.

We have female family members that we are close to, and spend time with. My daughters are able to do "girls night" stuff with them. (manicures, pedicures, ETC) I don't do the manicure stuff correctly, or so I've been told ...

But is part of my role as a Dad, to make sure they have a "mom"?

The 18 months of high conflict divorce after a basically, no conflict marriage has me still a bit gun shy about pursuing someone romantically.

Even if I started dating someone, it would be a while before I introduced them to my kids.

I understand where she is coming from, I loved being married, and saw us growing old together, caring for each other. So what do you think I should do?

Hi
I also have a walk away ex wife and custody of 3 kids.

I ordered the book Buyers Renters and Freeloaders.
Have you read it?

Jedi- Sorry to hear,

the best advice I have is take care of yourself and your kids. It's a heck of a storm that you and your kids, have to weather.

I'll write more after I've read some of your history

for now, God Bless-

nooooooooooooooooooo! You are doing just great! Girls do not cotton well to step mothers because they feel like they are in competition for their father. Your daughter might be fantasizing about it, but the reality is very different. Bringing in another female will just mean she has to compete with one more person for your attention. Your girls have lost their mother, they don't need to lose their father too! Step family marriages are a disaster for this very reason and have an astronomically high divorce rate, 85%.

Single fathers make great parents, so you just keep doing what you are doing. Ask your sister or mother to help them with sensitive female issues if necessary. Outside of that, there is nothing you can't do. You can take them to get their nails done, shopping, to lunch, everything. My dad raised me alone for a few years and he did just fine with all that.

Dr. H talked about a study on the radio show about children raised in single father home's compared to single mother's.

Here it is: MATERIAL REFERENCED: Fatherless America by David Blankenhorn

Dr. Harley's Radio Clip on Fatherless America Study at 7:20 Mark

Thanks Brainy, you are awesome!!