It's me again. I am struggling thru this and really realize that I need to stop calling him w/ insight about the "other woman". I have called her husband now twice. The second time he said he had nothing to say to me and hung up. She then called me back later that evening and threatened me that the little town I worked in would "rock and roll" if I did not stop calling her husband and she would call the police if I called again. Well, my husband tells me that he is still in constant "communication" w/ this woman and he realizes the way she is but cannot give me the answers I so want. He has had one session w/ a new counseler and feels he has some real marriage "issues" given the breakup of his parents marriage to infidelity and that of his own first marriage. He seems to think that as long as his head is not screwed on straight that he can continue this relationship he has. He feels that the relationship between the OW and her husband is not his problem and she says our relationship is not her problem. He brought me some of my things on Sunday and told me I looked nice and kissed me (not passionately), hugged and kissed me again during his stay and again when he left. I believe he loves me and is having a hard time w/ this whole thing. He has lost a lot of weight, but he is obsessed w/ this situation even tho' I point out that she is playing a game w/ him. I asked him why she would not leave her husband and go w/ him if she was so in love w/ him,...he had no answer. I believe I made her little game very uncomfortable by calling her husband. She told him it was because her kids could not answer the phone anymore. I would not have spoken to her kids in the first place. She is being very martyr-like in telling him it is her kids she is concerned about and pulling the wool over her huband's eyes (this is not the first phone call he has gotten from another man's wife) I was not vicious and was in tears...no sympathy from either. She is a very controlling woman and knows all the right ways to handle this type of situation (my husband says he believes me but he still doesn't know how he got to this point).<BR>I must go, but please respond....I need to stay off of the phone. I regret anything I do whether defensive or offensive. I need to leave him alone and really need to vent. Anybody had their whole digestive system go on hyperactive because of these kinds of things. It is crazy!!!!!

Yes, you're right to come here to vent! <P>DO NOT CALL!!! It only pushes your H to protect her somehow, and since she's into the martyr game, she will use this to her advantage.<P>Hyperactive digestive system? That's one way of putting it. Right at this very moment I'm on some heavy duty pain killers because of my digestive system, had all sorts of medical tests today, and feel like I'm in labor... I guess that's a bit on the hyperactive side, huh? <P>Take care, and keep coming here EVERY time you have a desire to do something you know will cause problems with your H. You may be here alot!!!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Ceversion1,<P>I have just one little suggestion. UNPLUG YOUR PHONES!!!!! <P>I called the FIL early into discovery to TELL him what his daughter was doing. [the affair] They already knew. W was blowing smoke up their @@$ for quite a while. I was the one with the problems and was abusing her [NOT TRUE] she was just trying to get away from me. They bought it hook, line and sinker. And by me calling and ranting, I was proving her case. I lost points big time falling into that trap. It may make you feel good, but you are doing irreparable damage. They WERE on my side, Val was caught in many lies, not after those calls I made though. Can you say I was a d!ckhead. I can.<P>Now is the time for you guys to stop hurting and start helping each other. If he [your H ] is up to his neck in this. Back off, he will eventually drown.<P>Don't know if this helps. You stirred up a time when I should have sat back.<P>BTW, UNPLUG YOUR PHONES!!!!!!!!<P>Wishing us the Best.<P>Medic