Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 6 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 6
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6,352
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6,352
...your approach is offending to me!

doh2 Feel better now?

Dude, I did you no harm. On an anonymous discussion board, I gave you fair warning about the ongoing potential danger POSOM presents to your child!

I might suggest you retain some of the belligerence you directed at me for the necessary confrontation with the scumbucket who is replacing you.

Of course, that cannot be done on an anonymous discussion board.....

Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 137
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 137
You are in shock. You admit this. You never expected this. Understood. Now understand that a man who is in shock and never thought ahead about a particular possibility may not be the best source on information on how to solve said problem.

You came here asking if there is hope. We are telling you there is NOT unless you do what Dr. Harley has learned , over 40 years of dedicating his career to this subject. You are not the expert here. Far from it. So stop telling us what will and won't work. You have no idea!

Everytime someone tells you what to do, what has helped thousands of
Others, you argue. Stop talking and start listening. Get the SAA book and follow it to a tee. THAT is your only hope. Stand up for your marriage and stop telling us her drunken fog babble about how in lurve she is. It doesn't matter. They all say that. The plan remains the same.

If you can't/won't listen then I really don't know why you came here. Do you really want help??? If so, take it.

Last edited by Wonderingif; 12/03/12 03:01 PM.
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
You have to understand a WW will rage at any sign of her BH trying to interfere with here affair.

The more effective a BH is at applying pressure to end WW's affair the more she will increase her level of rage towards the BH to get her BH to back down as she orchestrates her departure from the marriage.

Now we all know that your WW has you afraid go full out to fight to say your marriage.

We all know that you are losing your WW and family to the OM the way you are going.

You need to man up and follow the heavy hitters here on MB. MB's own Murderers Row swinging some heavy bats here. And you won't put them in the game for you. You just want them to stay on the bench and ignore them.

At this point you have lost your WW. So why be afraid to pull out all the tricks and use everyone of them.

All you are doing is making hot tea with lemon and honey for the fat lady's throat.

Last edited by TheRoad; 12/03/12 06:22 PM.
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by tdf
The real problem I have now is that she believes she loves him and she is only capable of loving one man and he is her choice! Going after him will only make them stronger against me! Bullying her is not a choice she will resist!

No Sir, the real problem is YOU and your lack of action. No one here told you to "bully" her. You don't understand what you are dealing with. You might know your wife, but you DO NOT KNOW the mind of a wayward spouse. WE DO. We already know she "loves" him. That is an inherent part of an affair. Her "love" for him is increased immeasurably by your enabling actions.

Going after him will not make them "stronger," it will create conflict in the affair. They are already STRONG from your enabling and appeasing.

Quote
It seems in most cases the spouse having the affair still wants their married spouse too.

Completely false assumption on your part.

Quote
I don't want my kids around him and she knows this but she tells me they are going to stay with their grandparents and does different when they are there. I have no legal right to keep them from going!

Yes, you do. If she has a legal right to take them around this scumbag predator, you have a right to take them away. You have abandoned your own children to an OM. You have handed your family over to this man without trying to stop him.

Quote
Now, the name calling I'm getting from some of you on this site isn't helping anything and its petty and small! I'm going what I can and what I feel is right I don't need your belittling!

No, you are NOT doing what you can. You have rolled over and handed your family to a scumbag. Rolling over is unhelpful and some day your daughters will remember you did this to them.

I am sorry you are offended by our words, but it is offensive to see a man who abandons his family to an OM like this. If there is any hope at all, you must stop the enabling. You are taking the LOWEST ROAD possible. What kind of a man just abandons his family like this?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by tdf
She is set on removing me from her life at this point. The more I do to stop it the angrier she becomes with me!

See, your goal is to avoid her anger at all and ANY cost and ours is to save your marriage. You have made it impossible to save your marriage by enabling her affair.

Quote
She knows and she sees me as the bigger person in all of this that matters to me

No, she sees you as the wimp who rolled over at the first shot. A "big person" faces the assault on his marriage instead of running. Were the French being the "bigger person" when they surrendered to the Germans at the gates of the city?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
It would be so helpful if the BH who had so many name changes who actually did what this guy is doing until after the divorce when he realized he'd gotten screwed out of money and time with his kids, were here.

What will you do when the kids ask you why you are letting mom get away with this?

What will you do if the OM molests one of your kids? Don't you love them? Then get them away from that guy!


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by tdf
[q I've come to the realization last evening that my only option is to let her go figure this out on here own and hope that maybe she sorts is out and realizes what I mean to her and this family!

Can I point out that your best thinking has led you to this terrible place and perhaps it is time to put that aside and listen to those here who have saved their marriages? You have no idea what you are doing and have just about lost your marriage with your own "realizations." Did you notice that?

You are not looking at this from a logical or a strategic standpoint and are as foggy as your wife. Your wife is not having an affair because she does not understand what you "mean to her." Your leaving has only enabled the affair to thrive and grow. You are out of sight, out of mind.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 387
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 387
tdf,
You are on the road of Hope. Not the road to recovering your marriage. Hope does nothing, it ask for no action, causes no pain and results in no success. Hope springs eternal, because hope never ends.

I think you have gotten all the advice you need here. It is my "hope" you return in a few months or years and serve as a warning for those BH's who end up on the road of Hope.


Me (BH): 42
Her (WS): 39
Married 19 yrs
DD: 16, DD: 11, DD: 7
D-Day: 7-5-2011, Caught searching 10-15-2012
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Does anyone have the link to pom's thread? I think that was his name at the time, pom and a jumble of other letters, he was posting about fighting for time with his kids. The whole sordid story might be spread over several names, but I think that the most recent posting about his struggle (probably a couple years old) should be sufficient.

Last edited by karmasrose; 12/03/12 07:27 PM.

One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
Page 6 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 6

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,116 guests, and 67 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5