Words of wisdom CP. I have definately been a challenged in alot of ways over the last few years, especially with my wife and my marriage. It hurts me to have watched a good thing go bad, and it seemed like i was just trying to avoid that at best. It's taken a ton out of me and it's taking a ton more to push forward. And happy, after how today went for me, that's what's in my best interest for sure. She has made it very clear to me that she doesn't want to be around me. So i am choosing to not be around her for ME, NOT for her at. There is no help for the hurt being together right now

Spun, you have been to hell and back. The betrayal of an A is painful but often its the wayward behaviour that is the most painful. It's good you have chosen Plan B for your recovery, I hope you find some peace soon. Just be aware even in Plan B there are highs and lows, keep posting the support from fellow MBers really helps during these times.

Whatever decision you have made, I know we'll have our support here

And yes, I love how you know you are great with confidence and what a good person deserve

I think that you should take a few days, and just be, and then you can go gung-ho into Plan A, and see how you feel. I know this sounds weird, but during Plan A, MANY BSs start to feel empowered. Being in PLan A, you learn to become the person you want to be in a relationship. It isn't about the WS, at all. The reading and learning you do during Plan A isn't wasted if your current marriage isn't saved. An it makes a more effective entry into Plan B.

Happy Wednesday everybody. Saw the new doc today, turned out to be a preliminary deal to kind of gauge where i was at and why i was there. A little confused as to why all these docs push meds so hardcore, they aren't for everybody. I told this dr that i wasn't interested in taking any medications. Basically i told her i need to sbout out my frustrations and learn the tools to work out my stress and emotion. She seemed somewhat bothered by this??? Anyways she referred me to a therapist that i will see in a week.

The W sent me a text asking how my appt went and if i was going to be home tonight....I sent back that my appt went ok and that i will be seeing a therapist in a week. That's it. 10 minutes later, obviously annoyed she says "good. what about tonight?" Why would she think I would be there? Because I enjoy the hostility? Beacause it's not a comfortable place for me right now? Beacause it's not happy there? What gives woman, i left. remember?

If the doc you saw was a psychiatrist, they act that way because for most of them, prescribing meds is all they do. They rarely do much counseling etc

Spun,

I'm confused. You left? You left your house?

Are you in Plan B, bc if you are.... No texting her. Plan B is radio silence.

Are you looking for Plan D?

You should NOT leave your house. That leaves it open for OM or whoever else to be there, and you DO NOT WANT TO DO THAT.

Yeah i didn't realize that i was seeing a pschiatrist today Wonder.
I slipped there TTS, and I knew it immediately. I only respondeed about myself though. I hope it made at least a little bit of a point to her. I know she's going to end up calling me at the end of the day to see if i'm there, which she should already know i'm not. She was PI55ED when she called me yesterday. I'm not putting up with that &*^% right now.

Spun, I hope you understand that I'm on your side in this matter, and only want the best possible resolution to your situation.

Dude, you have no idea what you're doing, why you might be doing it, and the probable results of your actions, do you?

You went to see a therapist. You probably did yourself no service by deciding you wanted to "Scream" your frustratiuons and troubles away. You could have cancelled the appointment and saved the co-pay if that was to be your attitude.

We got it - your WW is a slut, a round-heeled, two-bit, streetwalking whore. Yup. We BHs know the feeling, having had the same opinions of our own WWs. (The only ones more virulent are those other creatures, the BWs, who usually REALLY have it in for their WHs.)

Okay. You don't take well to medical advice, and you're not too pleased with your spouse. So, your job now is to calm down and act like a mature adult.

In you mind, your marriage is over, so the rest of the resolution should be easy. You will find that the state most likely will want to treat your divorce like the requested partition of a business partnership. So you should do the same. No "yelling" at anyone - not WW, not shrinks, not NOBODY.

No ceding possession, even temporarily, of any asset. Whose names are the vehicles in? If yours, pull the plates and cancel the insurance on her vehicle. If she takes it on the road in that status, call the police, reporting a GTA.

Return to your home. Move into the master bedroom. If she's uncomfortable, do not impede her moving to another room. You act cold and uninvolved. No anger, No outbursts.

Isolate every dollar you can from her. Open new accounts, in your name only, and transfer everything to them. Cancel all joint credit/debit cards. Start recording every dollar you spend on maintenance and utilities.

Keep in mind the business partnership model. Romance, affection, decency, and passions (good or bad) have no place in this exercise.

So the shrink got offended when you wouldn't take drugs, to alter your mind/emotions, about whats happening in your life?

They must be a newb..I have met a couple of shrinks that know of the placebo effect,and will not push medication, and will not give you any, unless you are behind it.

They all don't treat their patients like they are stupid..

Physical exercise, with meditation, worked for me during the first break and what I would call my plan B. The excersise releases the chemicals we need, and the meditation helps calm down our busy minds...Putting ourselves outside the crazy place she wants to draw you into..

Of course you could try the drug way...but then it is just one more thing you will have to get off later..if you can do that without having an effect on you.

The Shrinks do there job when they hand out tranquilizers, like ativan, (a popular benzo with methadone users), to lessen the emotional effects, of things you should be upset about.

The anti Ds are just part of the puzzle, and what you need is releif from this pain, which means getting out of this situation, with this person..calmly and peacefully as you can..

There is really no way around it, you have been abused as a husband, and disrespected, and you need to get out..As long as she is using, Plan A is not a good choice...Go to Dark Plan B

Read about it...

Yeah its common with cake-eaters, that they will put on a show, when the Jig is up..

Go to a dark plan B, to give her that one chance, to get her head straight, time for her to face the music.

She can call the Harleys if she want you back, and without children..I don't know why you would even consider it

Everything is easy, outside of what is going on in my head. I haven't seen a therapist yet. I went to see my doc because i was feeling like dog &$%7 and he said if i wasn't interested in meds he would reccomend seeing a mental health professional. The mental health professional reccomended i take meds that will help me be happy. I said no, i'm not interested in meds, they've caused enough problems for me concerning my wife. She gaave me the whole "well you're not a dr. " BS then recommended i go see a therapist. So i am doing that.

All of our finances are going to be a breeze to sort out. I lost my home 2 years ago, still picking up the pieces. I exhausted all of my resources trying to save my home. I work in an industry that has been crushed by the economy. I have little funds. I have no problem walking out of a rent situation that i have nothing invested in. All of the bills are in her name. Wife already has her own phone contract to keep me from digging anymore dirty dirt on her. I own my vehicle outright, she owes on hers and my name isn't on the contract. No credit cards in my name. Like i said in my previous posts, I'm done for now. I don't care what she does right now, period. I still love her, but each minute I realize I deserve better. She is the one that is *&%%ing the bed, not me.

My doc told me that if i don't learn how to deal with my stress, most likely I won't live a long life. I'm making it a point to exersise more, I eat good food, i'm reading a little now and i'm going to see a therapist to help me release all of my pent up &^%% that's been festering inside of me for years. I'm moving forward. My wife doesn't want to move forward with me right now. Fine. I'll be here when the papers show up, and my part will be done quickly.

I can look back on my thread and just see how quickly i have turned. Really saddens me. I think I'm doing the right thing. It really is time i walk away from a bad situation. I fear the worst for my wife, and it bothers me to say there's nothing i'll be able to do for her anymore. Just sad

Yes it is sad to know the truth, but it is all we have that we can deal with.

I agree with you about the meds, they just take the edge off of a truly emotional situation. Excersise and the help of a good therapist, will do the same..

Work on your stress, and find ways to relax, because stress robs us of so much of life..

Watch out for when she gets right, and wants to go for round two..Keep reading Spun

This is probably the path that will leave you with self-respect, and cut the emotional ties, that might linger on

Yes CP, i'm at the point where i'm ready to more or less move on. It's same old story. I can't help her. I can't change her. I can only help and change myself. I have doctors telling me that i'm full of stress and depression. I have allowed this, and I am ready to change that. I will be gathering all that is mine, physically and emotionally, and moving on. Wife is going to end up with nothing. I wonder how she will feel when its's all gone? Not my problem anymore

He's done with her.

You can't control your wife's actions. If being in the house is too much stress than stay out. Let her have wild sex parties with OM.
The important thing is that you take care of yourself.

See an attorney and start the ball rolling if you're ready.

When my wife cheated I wanted to leave the house too but we had kids so I couldn't. Fortunately, you don't have children together.

Do you own or rent the house? If you own it then just ask the atty what to do

Walking and jogging is a GREAT exercise.