Yeah she can do whatever she wants, I don't care right now. It's my turn to be selfish. If she ever wants to reconcile, I'm flipping the page. It will be on MY terms. I shouldn't have to win her back, but she will have to TRY to win ME back. Sanctity of marriage, broken. Trust, broken. Heart, broken
Round 2 will be so packed full of drama, if we ever get there. I'm interested to see how the coming weeks and months are going to go down

What MB plan are you in?

Plan FU?

Now I do encourage you to conduct yourself honorably during this time.
No revenge affairs or other self destructive behaviors.
Please consider joining a church on Sunday

lol sort of. I'll go ahead and call it plan B though. I'm seperating myself from our misery. I will write a letter to her, but not at this time, not sure how I could get through it. She yelled and screamed and snorted at me about we're done and this and that and I need my space. If anyone needs space right now, it's me. She most likely will realize at some point that she has pushed away the only somebody the truly loves and cares for her. When she does realize, I'm not so sure right now how perceptive to that I will be.
Talking to her mother helped me realize that right now there's no hope for me. I tried, once again, to explain how W is sick and needs help, and is making serious mistakes. MIL could do nothing but argue with me about that and I had to dig deep from losing my cool. So sad, that a mother is blind to her daughters health problems when they are so out in the open

Ok. MB is all about plans and have a path.

Plan A (both carrot and stick) with a time limit. Followed by Plan B or recovery.

Did you do a proper Plan A? Did you expose on OM's side?

Here
How to Plan B correctly
Carrot and Stick of Plan A

How does she self medicate?
Does she use drugs or alcohol?

Spun (one more time), please, just for a moment, stop devising your own plan, and listen to the experts here. The reason we are here, on this site, and not on one of the other infidelity recovery sites is that everything we do here, though it comes at you through the filters of the individual styles, is based on the MB Principles, and Program, and have seen the results. Following the program, as closely as possible, will give you the optimum outcome for yourself.

YOU NEED TO WRITE A DECENT "PLAN B" LETTER BEFORE YOU PROCEED!

It is NOT primarily for her, but for you. You will someday think back and ask yourself, "Did I do everything possible to help the woman I married, and once loved, to regain her decency and integrity?" You are going to want to know that the answer would be "Yes".

So, I will ask you to acknowledge that:
- you are not the first person to discover your WW is not the person you want to remain with
- you are being counselled as hundreds of BHs before you have been
- those who listened, and followed the program, had better outcomes than those who tried to carve out their own path.

More than that, I do not know what to say.

Ok. BH, the pos OM has no side. He has no FB page. He is not from the area, no family or close friends here. Nobody. The only place I can expose him is at their workplace, which is a very slippery slope. Jedi i have explained this a lot in the thread, go back and read it. My wife, who is no doubt very much mentally ill, has been through a 4 month recovery program for drinking while on seditives. IT WAS A BAD, BAD DEAL. The program was a very positive experience, but now I've been watching her slowly fall into a place that she was before. She is surrounding herself with people that enable her. Her loved ones have no idea what's going on because they don't hear or see what i hear or see. So I am alone as far as being her support system. I can't do it alone, W will not allow it. I think that's been her biggest hang up, I refuse to enable her. There is alot more to this story then my WW and posOM business. My wife is sick, and she needs help. I can't help her.

The guidelines of these plans all make sense, but I don't see how to get through it. It's like I'm on a road to nowhere with her until she wants to fix herself. I've been dealing with it for years now, and I can't deal with it anymore. She WILL NOT ALLOW ME TO. I will write a plan B letter. But where does it go from there? Nowhere until she wakes up realizing she's used, abused and unwanted. Is that what I want? I would say no right now. I have cared for my wife who I love as good as I could, and I'm being *&%% on for it.

I will write a plan B letter.

Patience, Grasshopper!

Write your specific PBL using the models on this site, and post it here for our review and assistance.

In the meanwhile, you are going to need to arrange for an IM to intercept and filter communication with WW after the Plan B curtain comes down. It should be a friend, who understands the environment all this is taking place in, and one with a strong spine. (Family members usually don't do well.) If you can't locate one, sometimes one of the folks here can serve.

I encourage you to visit an AlAnon meeting.

I don't know if you browse other threads, but this was just posted. It is a copy of an e-mail sent by the founder of this site to another BH (emphasis mine):

Hi TD,

Your efforts to win your wife back are making love bank deposits, but you
may have a way to go before you hit her romantic love threshold. Keep
talking to her, and make sure you do some of the talking, too. Her affair
is not a wise thing for her to do, but when someone is in the fog, it's hard
to make that point without sounding disrespectful. All you can do is what
you are doing, and even if she forces an end in your marriage, you will turn
out to be the best thing that ever happened to her. She may figure that out
after the divorce is over. Many of the couples I've counseled have
remarried after divorce. On the other hand, by that time you may come to
the conclusion that she is the worst thing that ever happened to you, and
her chances will be over. Either way, I think you will have greatly
benefitted from what you have learned lately.

Best wishes,
Dr. Harley

This is what I was attempting to convey in my note above. Every experience we pass through leaves its effect on us. As crappy as your situation is, you have it in your power to prevent its effect on your future life from being disastrous.

NG,
I don't mean to highhjack this thread, but what is your BH's screen name? Maybe it would be helpful for him ( and other BH's ) to read his post.

NG, i can take that quote as if it were directed at me. That's sort of where i'm at. I can't move forward with her right now in her state of mind. What i can do is move myself forward in as positive a way as i can.

It's TranquilDark

How is that possible? Are you sure?

What is the question?
NG posted a letter on this thread that Dr Harley wrote to Tranquil.
He tells Tranquil to keep plan A as long as he can.

...what is your BH's screen name?
DUDE! When I wrote "emphasis mine", I was referencing the fact that I underlined some of Doc Harley's note - NOT that I was pointing out that the BH was my own.

Barkeep! I need a testosterone special!!!!

No one, repeat, NO ONE ever speaks of this again!!!!!

Lol. Can I have my thread back? Please?

I have found a way to expose in their work place. Wondering if I should pull the trigger. I'm not at the house and can't be at this point

And I have 2 possible ways. The dirty gossip way or the get hr involved way